Should love ones assist mom to toilet when in wheelchair in LTC?

No. When she needs help there should be zero expectation that visitors jump in to help, that's why she is living in a facility instead of somewhere else. It can actually be dangerous for outsiders to step in in these situations, even if the family member was once the primary caregiver the capabilities of your mother can change quickly, and the set up as far as grab bars etc will be different than what you used at home.

The employees at the facility should be helping your mom. That is literally the job that they are being paid to do.

I NEVER assisted my mother to the restroom in the NH.

The nurse is out of line

I was visiting a woman from my church whom I barely know. We organize visits so she has someone coming every day for a 1-2 hr visit.

Last time I was there, she needed her depends changed. The CNA came in and acted completely put out. Asked me why I hadn't 'seen to it'. Well, I am not family and I actually barely know this woman and felt that changing her was completely not my job.

The CNA grumpily called in someone to help her and manhandled this poor woman into a fresh depends. She didn't close the door, so I got up and stood in the doorway to give the patient some privacy. She was bare bottomed for too long as the aides fussed about which depends to use. I was embarassed and angry at the same time. They were rough with the patient and she kept saying "Ow, you are hurting me!" She is only 4 weeks out from a hip replacement that she had to have done when she fell out of her wheelchair at this facility.

I didn't say anything to her family--not knowing what to say--and the next Sunday in church it was announced that she had moved to a different care center. I was really glad to hear that. Evidently what I witnessed was not uncommon.

That was very unprofessional and I would report her.

They are paid for this care and service. That kind of attitude should be reported and stopped. That behavior makes me wonder how does she treat your loved one when you’re not there??

I really hoped you reported that person. The purpose of AL and NH is that you have professional care and assistance.

Was it a Nurse (RN or LPN) or a CNA? The "Nurse" was out of line and I would report her to the Director of Nursing. Its a liability on the LTCs part to have a family member helping a resident especially when there is a transfer involved. Once my Mom entered an Assisted Living, I never changed her. I always called for a CNA. Thats what the 2k in care costs was for. Even if Mom is on Medicaid, her monthly income is going towards her care and the Nurses and aides should be doing that care. A Medicaid resident is should not be treated any differently than a private pay resident.

I find that people call CNAs Nurses. I have total respect for them, they do the Nurses dirty work but they are not medically trained. Their training covers maybe 2 or 3 months. For my DD LPN schooling took a 2 yr course and concentrated it into 13 months. She attended classes 5 days a week all day. Her RN took another 2 yrs. A Nurse with BS degree may go 4 yrs of college or 5.

In most places where my DD has worked, the scrubs are color coded. CNAs one color, LPN another and RN another. Always, badges should be visible telling you who they are.

Nobody is responsible for an elder falling, dropping her is a different story.

Facilities are being paid huge amounts of money to provide care, nuff said.

Not only is this comment to visiting families inappropriate , he/she is also assuming that the resident would want a family member to toilet them which may not be the case .