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Hi I'm new here.  My mother was in a nursing home for a month and a half. She has dementia,depression and anxiety. She had stopped eating and drinking she just did not want to be here anymore. Before she went into the nursing home she was going to the bathroom with my help. So anyway when I. go to pick her up no one told me she had to wear diapers and had a catheter. I didn't know this until I got home. And someone stole her new clothes that I just bought her. And to me it seems like my mother was not better she seems worse off now then when she left. She's vomiting everywhere and not feeling good at all. I can't even change her diapers it's too hard for me I cry everytime. I think this is too much for me I. don't know what to do? They put her on hospice but they only come 2 times a week they won't even change her diapers. Is that right, I don't know? So should I send her back?

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No Nursing Home will take new patients now due to virus. If it’s too much for you at home, please hire a Home health Aide...also ask Hospice for a Nurse for catheter management .& train you how to maintain & empty...also the CNA from hospice has to show you how to change diapers & turn her. Every couple of hours turn her ...to avoid bedsores. She needs “chucks” under her ..they have disposable & washable ones...the washable ones help to turn & reposition her...I knew nothing when I took my mother home from nursing home 3 years ago...I’m an Accountant & Substitute Teacher...but I learned how to do a lot of things....You got yourself into a difficult situation...now you have to just accept it & try to do best you can...but ask for help!!! Maybe request hoyer lift from hospice if she can’t walk & to train you how to use it. Get a hospital bed too if they didn’t already give her one. A reclining wheelchair is also needed. Let them show you how to put legs of wheelchair on & off . She’ll also need seat cushion for wheelchair that reduces pressure sores. All this equipment you may be able to get from hospice. I got all that stuff but paid out of pocket...& a stand assist lift machine...the nursing home my mother was in sent hoyer lift but since it wasn’t being used, I sent it back. Good luck! Hugs 🤗
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Usually when discharged fro any facility there are papers explaining meds and any special care, which a catheter is. In the 6 weeks she was there, did u not have a care meeting? Usually you are told of any changes. Who takes care of the catheter? If you, who showed you how.

In Home Hospice the family still has most of the responsibility. A nurse comes out 2 or 3x a week to check vitals. You should be able to get her 24/7 if something is wrong or u have a question. You should be supplied an aide maybe 3x a week to bathe Mom. While she is there, she should be changing diapers. You should be given enough time to run errands. At least 2 hrs. While the aide is there, she can show you how to change a diaper easily.

Was your mother originally in for rehab? If so Medicare was helping with the cost. If discharged its because it was felt there was no more that could be done. If u place her, it will be private pay or Medicaid.

You could call Medicaid and if Mom meets the criteria, you may be able to get homecare.

You may want to call the Nurse about the vomiting. Make sure you keep Mom hydrated. It could be a medication she is on causing the problem.
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