Should I pay for 1/2 of my mother's care if she gave all of her assets to my sister for this purpose? Approximately 550k.

I misunderstood this situation by my earlier messages, so my very sincere apologies. Please consult with an eldercare attorney to determine condo's ownership, then determine decisions.

No, you should no be asked to pay, but how will the guilt be if sister dumps her into a shabby place?
If it really is a burden on you, just simply say, I am sorry, I cannot help out at this time. "
Not sure where you are, but does she have life insurance, retirement account, social security, etc? Sis how much does she get monthly?
Perhaps you can help her find a place for mom, ? And do ask what mom's budget is right now. Take into consideration, diapers, ensure, shampoo, snacks, deodorant, taxi cab rides to and from facility.

Sis wanted the son to get his own place, sis sells mom's place helps son to get his own place and granmom pays off his debts.

A nice gesture to get the grandson off to a good start in life.

Wow your mom helped your sister out of love but wasn’t thinking about
her future care and how it would affect the rest of the family
My dad never thought he’d get sick .
Had nothing but his monthly income
I couldn’t afford care since I have my own family and my own debts. He needed full time care so he used first Medicare and then we applied for Medicaid.
You shouldn’t be responsible since you have the rest of your life to deal with.and may need that money for you and your younger family.
Best to you

HI, Msrtbill,
Our Forum serves a purpose: discussions before actions. Some misunderstanding?? Then there is no point in your discussing any further. Thank you for your trying and with best regards.

Patathome01

Mstrbill,
Please carefully follow what our readers have advised. Sounds like some potential fraud to me unless the Grandson's condo is sold to give back cash to Mom to pay for her required care. Withholding Mom's money constitutes a fraud.

Obviously no! Heck no! No way! I'm sorry that your sister becomes argumentative- that's one way to get out of being responsible. $500,000 would have paid for a lot of care, and the money should have been managed and invested for your mom.
I agree, sell the condo. Sorry grandchild, time to go.
How is this even a question?

If you feel your sister has exploited your mother, which is not unusual these days, you can file a police report.

But kiss that money goodbye. WHen I read posts like this I thank God I never had children because they are the ones who can cut your throat.

Please heed by some readers' advice: Your mother never should have bought this condo to help her grandson. If Mom truly cannot pay for her care, this condo must be sold, and so sorry. So unfortunately, her grandson then has to find his own housing. Additionally, hiding any funds to obtain Medicaid eligibility is a fraud to come back and haunt this family with very expensive costs, perhaps prison time.

Under what understanding did mom give sister control of her funds? The way it sounds sis was to use money for MOM'S CARE, not condo for grandson ect. How long ago was this? Sounds like sister bled mom dry and now that she's no longer a cash cow sis doesn't have time to care for mom. I would start with APS and a consultation with an elder law attorney. States attorney may be a way to go but check with attorney first. Elder financial abuse is a very real and sad part of life many of our loved ones face and is usually done by those they trust the most. DO NOT pay for mom's care, take sis to court for her to account where mom's money has gone. If mom needs to go Medicaid pending, Medicaid will do a five year look back to investigate where mom's money went. Of course sister is combative, she KNOWS she did wrong and is expecting you to foot the bill. Hold her accountable!

Nope. Your sister will need to sell the condo and the grandson will need to take a loan for the debt money back. All that money will then be paid to care for your Mother like it was supposed to. I also suspect that your sister has dipped into that money herself.

No, you should not. In fact...I would discuss the issue with your sister and if she becomes combative...possibly state that you will be looking into the laws of elder abuse and manipulation.
The condo should be sold to pay for her care...as the grandson can find his own place to live. Also, whatever money your sister used to dig herself out of debt should be paid back as well. It was not your mother's responsibility to dig your sister out of debt.
If you assist in paying...you are only helping your sister.
At the same time, I am wondering why your mother made this decision if your sister had a history of financial irresponsibility or was that something she hid and your mother wasn't aware of. All in all, your sister and her son should be ashamed of themselves and do what is right.

When your mom gave your sister all of her assets, your sister became responsible for moms care.  If she doesn't want to be responsible for moms care, then she needs to sell the condo and give back the money. 

To answer your question, no you should not pay for half of your moms care unless you are very wealthy and can afford it.  Is your sister paying the other half?

You stated that you have been supporting your mom for the past 20 years.  In what way?  I thought she was living with your sister.

The problem is if you don't pay half of her care, Mom could suffer. She won't be able to move into assisted living, and she won't qualify for Medicaid. If sis doesn't cooperate, its going to be extremely difficult for all involved. If condo is in Sis's name she can do with it as she wishes. The money given to grandson is gone. While I agree what she did was deplorable, there really is nothing that can be done about it now. Its up to sister to do what she wants. so that was why I had said maybe it would be better to keep the peace. I know some of you gat very upset at that comment, but whatever, I don't see a good outcome here unless sister agrees to sell the condo. Even that though may not be enough. I do hope it works out for you.

No way! Your sister got her money so now she could use it to pay for some help! Dont let her bully you into it.

No. Absolutely not.

No. You should not pay for half of your mother's expenses in assisted living. You shouldn't pay for any. It was your mom's choice to let your sister squander her assets. She chose to allow that and now she's in financial straits. That's not your fault. It's your mom and sister's fault. Don't pay a cent. From what you're telling us, your mother was not impoverished if she was living in a half-a-million dollar home. Come on now. Tell them to sell the condo your nephew is residing in and he can move back in with his mom (your sister). You should not pay for anything.

HELL, NO!! What a beotch!

Stories like this make my blood boil! The $$$ that was given to sister should be used for mother’s care! Maybe see a lawyer to get it straightened out. Let us know how it goes. The $$ from mother’s sold house should have been kept in a CD or trust in her name & then kept safe just for this purpose .the Facility! ! Hugs 🤗

Imho, the money was mishandled from the get-go. That's wrong that your sister used your mother's funds like that to benefit her son. Wow.

Absolutely not!! Tell her to sell the condo or charge the son rent. She mismanaged funds designated to care for your mother. She should be ashamed. I cared for my mother so she could stay in her home with almost no help from my sister. My sister had the nerve to say I was sponging off mom, since I didn't pay rent. I had no paying job and couldn't leave mom alone to work. Caring for her was my job. I hope you can get through this and salvage the relationship. Mine may never be the same.

Nope. Have your sister sell the condo

Water under the bridge, now, in your case. For anyone else who may be thinking of funding a parent's living expenses, make it a loan, with the house as collateral. Get a legal mortgage drawn up and consider this a reverse mortgage that would be due upon your mother's death or the sale of her house, whichever comes first. If everyone is honest and above-board, the legalities are not an issue, if anyone turns into a stinker, you have a legal claim that cannot be denied.

You definitely should consult an elder care attorney and probably Adult protective services to Launch an anonymous investigation. First, while you are still on talking terms, get as much information from your sister and mother. It could get pretty bad once you file a complaint and any legal action.

There are so many unknowns in this question.
I wonder how long ago did she give your sister the money and pay off her grandsons debts? How long has she been living with your sister? Were you supporting your mom while she lived with her sister? Or did she just move in fairly recently.
i can’t help but wonder if your sister just found out from a social worker that she will have to pay now due to Medicaid laws, bad decisions and greed on her part. There is a look back and if the gifting or transfer of assets weren’t done the right way then the court will look at it in a very unforgiving manner. Hold your ground and get an elder law attorney and APS involved. Word of warning, I have seen the guilty family member that is living with the senior file APS Complaint and try to isolate the mother from the family member claiming they are creating “ stress” and “abusing” the senior. That might be good reason to not hesitate in you filing the complaint.

Sounds like the condo needs to be sold immediately and THOSE funds used to pay for mother's care, since they're HER funds to begin with. Sonny boy can figure out where to live now that grandma is no longer available to mooch off of.......for either your sister OR her son.

Easy peasy. The IRA $$$ is lost, unfortunately, but the condo is still an asset that can be sold off, thankfully.

Say no to your sister and advise her about how to get mother's money BACK to use for her care now that she's in need. If she becomes argumentative and combative with you, advise her that you will be sending an Elder Care attorney over to speak with her about the fraud she's committed with regard to how she's misused her mother's money.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Medicaid has a five-year look back period. Contact the eldercare attorney for your mother's rules in your state residence, also assuming both places are in the Same State.

Your mother made her choice (all be it a bad one )and now it is time for her to reap what she has sown.

As for your sister, if your mother had it in writing that those assets were to be used for her care later in life and she spent them I would call the authorities and have her charged with fraud.

I have seen it far too often where the good child is crapped on by the parents while the negligent ones are worshiped. I go through it with my family as well.

Not only no but hell no! Stand your ground and set your boundaries. I can't believe she used your mother's money like that.

If your mother was competent when she made gifts, you cannot get them back.   Just say no to your sister, tell her to get the condo back.

Boy is this a hot topic. Money, money, and more money is all some people think about, never mind who you screw!!!!! Never mind that people give up their lives to care for their loved ones and do a very good job, not expecting anything in return, and then comes family who do nothing, but complain, and then put their nose where it does not belong and then ask for help when they need it. Seems to me sister moved mom in her home so she could get her hands on her money by selling her house and stealing her money!