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My husband is in later stage of Alzheimer's. His friend that he knows for many years wants to take him out for lunch. I'm not comfortable with the idea because I know my husbands needs and this person does not. Why do some people take this disease so lightly. How can I be at ease with this knowing what he needs. My husband does not even recognize me anymore. Please give me some suggestions. This is the friend that took him home from a baseball games a few years ago and brought him to the wrong house.

Can you ask the friend to bring the lunch to your home instead? Say that you will set up a table for two, just for them, and friend can choose a snack to bring. If you wish, say that the doctor has said no outside excursions where emergency care may not be available.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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MargaretMcKen Nov 12, 2025
I’ve just read OP’s new post that says “On top of taking care of my husband I am not in the mood to entertain people. I'm barely getting any rest which is what I need”. If I had read that originally, I wouldn’t have made this suggestion. Sorry!
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As the others have said, just invite the friend to come over and visit with your husband at home. If he would like to bring lunch, that would be a nice bonus. I suggest staying with the two of them yourself so neither one makes some kind of inappropriate plan to go out or anything else your husband can't manage.
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Reply to MG8522
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If your husband doesn't even recognize you, there's no way he's going to recognize this old friend. Being alone with a "stranger" may freak him out. I would suggest a supervised visit, with you being there at the beginning and see how your husband reacts to him, and visa versa. This friend doesn't seem to "get" ALZ -- he has probably never come in contact with anyone who suffers from it -- but it's very sweet he wants to come see him.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Tell this friend you cannot in good conscience allow him to take your husband out of your house. That he is now in the late stages of the desease which is very unpredictable. He does better in familiar surroundings. Then suggest bringing lunch to your husband.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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No , obviously your friend knows nothing about this disease , therefore it’s not a good idea . Your husband could get more disoriented etc and agitated in an unfamiliar place .
Since Covid , most restaurants still have the option to pickup and take the food home to your husband. That’s the option you tell this friend he can do .
If the friend brought him to the wrong house in the past , I’d wonder if the friend has dementia too by now .
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Reply to waytomisery
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No, of course someone unknowing and unfamiliar cannot be allowed to put your hubby nor himself in this awful position.
Tell him you are sorry, but you are now managing for him where he cannot, and you feel this is an unwise choice.

There are about a thousand things that can be done in lieu of husband's friend taking him away from premises where he is safe. Tell friend to think out of the box. Tell him you will fix them a nice lunch on the patio and serve it. If hubby is in care already tell him to have lunch served to the room and enjoy a private visit.

Your last sentence gave me my first giggle of the day. Sorry, but OH MY!!

Best to you. I don't know that friend will understand, but then that's too bad. There are lots of things in life we don't understand.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I don't suggest staying with them if the man choses to come to your house. I left when my Mom had visitors. They weren't there to talk to me. Just make the man aware not to make any plans with husband or say he will take him somewhere. At this stage of his ALZ, leaving the house with someone other than you, is off the table.
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Cheeky79 Nov 6, 2025
I would never leave them alone and go somewhere. The last time the friend saw him and used my bathroom which I mentioned another time , he went all over my toilet and toilet seat and it wasn't urine. I have a feeling he may have had a couple of beers at the ball game that day or he is just plain ignorant. Sorry thats how I feel. I worry about him being alone with anyone other than my sister who has helped me in the past when I had to go to the doctor who was in a similar situation her husband had Parkinson's and died recently.
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100% no! And after reading that this “friend” soiled all over your bathroom the last time he was there AND left your husband at the wrong house, just tell him that you are no longer having guests.
There’s no reason to stress over this and you do not owe him any explanation. You have plenty on your plate- this person needs to go away.
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Reply to puptrnr
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Cheeky79 Nov 12, 2025
Ever since that incident happened I didn't want anything else to do with this friend
who is an old friend of my husbands. I only met him thru my husband when we got
married. Since July I have been dealing with Epstein Barr and two weeks ago I had to
go to urgent care to get treated for an upper respiratory infection. On top of taking care of my
husband I am not in the mood to entertain people. I'm barely getting any rest which is
what I need. I don't get why all these so called friends just dont get it. Thank you for
your response. I appreciate it.
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Nope. The friend can come and visit at your home. It is now past time for visiting at a restaurant and enjoying it.
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Reply to JustAnon
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No!
And don't be afraid to tell this "friend" that you are uncomfortable and why!
The friend can come visit if you are ok with that. Tell him bring lunch in.

Tell him that he does not understand your husband's needs.
I have family members who are clueless, because they are so self-centered, they are oblivious to what is around them. This friend sounds similarly self-centered.

To take your husband out somewhere, in unfamiliar surroundings, with someone he may not recognize, would do so much damage!
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