Follow
Share

I have already posted a previous question on here regarding my neighbour. The situation has declined; I have had to put my bed in my living-room and have been forced to sleep there for the last year and seven months due to the noise my neighbour makes all night long, dragging furniture across the floor, emptying wardrobes, internal doors constantly being slammed, and running the water in the bathroom repeatedly, and going out into the garden and watering the plants at 3am regardless of the temperature or the weather. Her behaviour is manic and frantic, and then she sleeps all day. Her son moved in once I got in touch with the authority, but he is a prolific cannabis user and just goes along with the dementia, so he is up all night and sleeps all day to. They only use the bedroom which is on the adjoining wall, to both live and sleep in, meaning the noise is on the wall all night long, I gather she has hoarded herself out of the rest of the property. I was expecting social services to have attended, but then the lockdown came in, and since then my Landlord has had no luck getting social services to attend. They ended up shutting the case after talking to the family, and since then the family have brought more of the hoard back into the property. My partner and I have also been threatened by the family to stop going to the authorities or they will harm us, I reported it to the police. The family have also taken photos of our cars, which has also been reported to the police. Now we can't park our cars near our home for fear they will be vandalised. The elderly neighbour has also accused me of stealing from her garden and threatened to stab and kill me, for which I telephoned the police again. She has previously threatened to kill another neighbour, and she has chased her own family members with knives. She has also called me a Dumba** B*tch, a whore, a hoe, and a C word. The family appear to be hiding the extent of her dementia from social services and I don't know why? She has been making accusations of theft towards most of the neighbours and her own family for years, her husband left several years ago because he couldn't put up with her dementia and hoarding. Most of the family do not work and smoke cannabis, they also supply it to their elderly grandmother which cannot be helping her paranoia. This has become more than just a neglected neighbour with dementia and hoarding, as the family are obviously refusing help for their mother, and as such the situation is not changing. After over 2 and a half years of sleepless nights and stress I don't know if to just move? The Landlord is only forwarded so much power, and unless social services intervenes then they can only treat it as an antisocial/noise issue, and serve warnings for the state of the property. The courts are not evicting people during the coronavirus. My own grandmother had dementia as did my partners father, and neither affected their neighbours because we looked after them, it is a difficult disease to deal with, and without support could drive you mad. The only thing that is keeping me here is that I love my home, and I have spent a lot of money on it, but if you are afraid, exhausted and cannot live in it for purpose then what's the point?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Dear "Rose21,"

Can you afford to move? If you can, then I would. The situation is not going to get better as you can already attest to. The landlord only has so much power and the excessive stress is not good for your health.

I know what it's like to live with terrible neighbors that have no inclination of changing. We did it for 17 years and it ruined us in more ways than one. Severe anxiety, inability to sleep properly and more. Everything we did was a total waste. We loved our house at first too and we also, did our due diligence by checking out the neighborhood on weekdays, weekends, nights and mornings. We even walked around - nothing, until after we moved in. I had no idea we would have two sets of original neighbors that kept us under nearly 24 hour surveillance among one of them who did obsessive leaf blowing for 4 hours nearly everyday. Towards the last two years of living there, we were constantly on the run and leaving our house, our dog was always alone at that point and we dreaded returning. We had to take on two mortgages to even buy the house (it was our first house as a married couple). Believe me I was so angry that this happened to us.

We've been renting a house for nearly three years and it has been so peaceful and we have our privacy back. So that being said, reread the last part of your last sentence "...but if you are afraid, exhausted and cannot live in it for purpose then what's the point?"

Now, you should have your answer - I wish you the best in making your decision!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Yes, I'm at that point now where I dread returning home after being out for the day.  I dread the nights because I know they don't sleep, and I'm spending no time in the gardens because of their abusive behaviour.  I'm still not leaving my car in the neighbourhood for fear it will be vandalised, my life is being controlled by them. Thank you for your reply
(1)
Report
I would move. The son is likely to stay even if the elderly woman qualifies for a "self-limiting" problem. This won't be a good place to live forthwith. If you have a lease it is easily broken by the landlords inability to make the place habitable. You can claim allergy to all the pot smoke seeping through. I take it this is either an apartment or it is a condo with adjoining walls; in either case it is made not habitable by your neighbors.
Not everything can be fixed. And bad neighbors almost NEVER can be fixed. At worst these situations can end up being a bad true crime episode on channel 179. Sorry, but looks like this problem will be ongoing. I would speak first with your landlord and say that it is down now to your needing to move due to this. That will be his clue that he must pull out ALL THE STOPS in an attempt to take care of this. But as well all know, the law often protects those we should be protected FROM (and of course it can go the other way as well.)
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
My Landlord is not classing the son as a tenant, but a lodger so he has no rights to the property if anything was to happen to his mother. Thank you for your response.
(0)
Report
The landlord can do something. He can evict them. He does not have to renew their lease. He writes a letter that there lease ends such and such a date and he will not be renewing it. If they are month to month, even better. He can give them 30day notice and if they don't leave he can go to court to evict them. If the judge goes along with it the police can escort them off the property. If it the cost of eviction he doesn't want to deal with, then tell him u will split the cost.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Marcia732 Nov 2020
She doesn't say if the hoarder family are renters or not. The family may own their property while Rose21 rents hers.

In addition, it's a tough time to try to evict someone.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
So sorry that you are dealing with this situation.

I agree with posters that suggested moving. It may not be worth the hassle of trying to solve this issue.

I think you will be glad that you moved and wonder what took you so long to move away.

Best wishes to you.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I hope that hindsight is a great thing, but there's always the dread when you are renting of a worse neighbour.  But when your sleep is being affected, then so is your functioning, and I can't see this changing any time soon, as you said I don't want to waste time here when I could be having a better future elsewhere.
(1)
Report
Rose, I apologize for asking this w/o checking back into your earlier message, but this is quicker.   Are you in an apartment, with this undesirable person next to you?  Or are you leasing a house?   I assume this is not a house that you're buying.

If you're leasing, I would definitely consider moving, as it appears as though you've taken the necessary legal action but that hasn't helped.  And given the uptick in viral cases, I don't think that law enforcement and other authorities are going to have extra time to deal with a noncompliant, troublemaking family.

But don't let the undesirables know you're leaving.    If you can afford it, hire  a moving company and get everything accomplished at once, and get out of there for good.

I hope you can find safety in this environment until you can escape from it.  Best, and safe wishes to you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I'm in a bungalow, and yes if this ends in me having to move, then if I can, I will be moving my things out without them knowing, they sleep most of the day so it shouldn't be too difficult.  Thank you for your answer.
(1)
Report
This is one of those situations where you can’t control your neighbors. Is there any guarantee if you move , you won’t have a problem with a neighbor in the new place? For example, I have a problem with a lady across the street who keeps feeding the pigeons. So they line up on my roof waiting to be fed. I rang her bell twice..& told her nicely to please not feed the pigeons because they are destroying my property! All of a sudden, she don’t know English! So I’ve been going over to spray the bird seed. I will need a new roof because of this!!!!! So, I feel for you! I betcha this neighbor of yours is going to get on another neighbor’s nerves, too. Just wait & see. Don’t move until you are ready & found the place you really want to live & love it! Good luck & hugs 🤗
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
GAinPA Oct 2020
Spray the bird seed?
(2)
Report
See 4 more replies
Assuming you’re renting as it sounds like, there’s zero peace there, and no help is coming, you’ve done all you can to make it better, time to move. It’ll be well worth the peace you gain. Think how much better you’ll feel with this behind you
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I hope so, thank you
(0)
Report
Do what you feel is right in your heart, but pray about it and ask God to help you make the right decision
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I do pray, I feel like I'm forever on my knees making sure my heart is right with it all.  Thank you Browneyes.
(0)
Report
If it isn't much of an issue for you to move, then why not? Or a better question is, why stay in a place that you aren't satisfied with? Would you stay in a job that you hated? Chances are if a better job was available you would not hesitate to take it and you would be a fool not to. Same thing with this. Look around. You may find a place that you like much better than where you are living and you will be away from your problem neighbor.

My friend had issues with her landlord.. She tried very hard to peacefully resolve the issue without any luck. She started looking around. The place she really liked was recently rented. She wasn't familiar with the neighborhood and made a wrong turn and she just so happened to find an even better place. Not only was the rent affordable but it had just been renovated! So go for it. It can't hurt to at least look to see what else is available to you.

Best wishes to you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
jacobsonbob Nov 2020
If the current complex in which the OP is living is large enough, it's possible there is another unit nearby but not adjacent to the annoying neighbors. Perhaps a short-distance move is a possibility.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
Have you complained personally to City Hall where you live? Your neighbor is posing a threat to the health and safety to you and your other neighbors because of the hoarding and threatening. When she is yelling obscenities and threats at you call 911. The other neighbors need to do the same thing. When you smell pot from next door because the loser son is blazing one, call the police then too. Do not let people like this force you to move out of your house.
Is it possible at your place for you to fence in your property with wood stockade or wall fencing? If it is then she will not only be unable to get on your property but will not be able to even see you coming and going. Talk to your other neighbors. If the lot of you get together and complain to the town you live in, they will take action. Maybe not immediately because of coronavirus but that excuse can only be used for so long. You might also do well to invest in a security system for your home with a few cameras around your property too. If one of them comes by and vandalizes your vehicles then it will be on the security footage and that can be shown to the cops and they will take action.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I've told my local MP, the police, the landlord, the dementia charities, and social services. Whenever she or her family are abusive,  I call the police, and hold the phone up in order for them to hear. I've reported the cannabis use. I've put fences up in both front and back gardens. I have installed CCTV but that doesn't cover the car park.  The police are now classing her behaviour as harassment, so I am waiting to see what the Landlord does about it, as it is a breach of tenancy.  However, since the courts are not making people homeless, I can only hope that they may move her, but it's looking more like they'll try and move me instead.  She is also refusing repairs to her property. The police have already heard the abuse from the family as I recorded it, but they need two incidents per person for it to be harassment.
(0)
Report
You've tried everything that anyone could try.

Even if moving is your last resort - you may be there.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Definitely move...regardless of you loving the home you've created, how can you comfortably live without a feeling of safety and community? Start looking for a new home and once you move you will wonder why you didn't do it months ago. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I think you answered your own question. In your heart you know you should move. Go find a new house to turn into a home and love.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Keep calling the Police to report the threats.

Call the Police every night they're making excessive noise that the Police will be able to hear too.

Take the Neighbor to Court along with all the Police Reports and written complaints from other neighbors.

Have the other neighbors report the threats to the police.

Complain to their Landlord.

If you can't do the above or wait for them to move, then all that is left is for you to move.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
my2cents Nov 2020
Document noise and interactions with video, too. Take video to police and ask who can intervene.
(1)
Report
If you don’t own the residence and the landlord can’t protect you from the neighbors then I would move. Start to document all your issues and calls to the police in case you need to break your lease.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I've done all this, thank you Mepowers :)
(0)
Report
Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like you have no choice but to moveout. Check your rights to break a lease where the landlord fails to provide a safety and health environmnent. since living next to a hoarder presents a safety issue (fire hazard) and a health issu (rats, mice, roaches)
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Yes, it definitely is a health and safety issue.
(0)
Report
I had an apartment when I was younger that was next to someone similar. It wasn't much of a problem as I was young and a bit of a night owl. But the big problem came when other people complained and this person was forced to move. On the night after she moved I awoke to hoardes of roaches crawling all over me! I totally freaked out and did not go back to bed. I stayed up all night balling the bugs crawling in under the walls.
Noise is one thing but hoarding can be a disaster. With some help from my friends I moved the very next day. I suggest you do the same before you wake to the same problem.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
Kittybee Nov 2020
I was also thinking about fire danger.
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
You could complain to the Village, City or County where you are. Contact the Code Enforcement department. (Fire Department and the Health Department may also want to be made aware of the situation.)
This is a hazard to you as well as other neighbors.
A lease that is signed between you and your landlord is a contract and in exchange for your rent he agrees to provide a safe, habitable place. This sounds like neither.
You could send him a letter indicating that since your current place is not safe, sanitary due to the conditions the neighbor is creating you are going to move out.
(If you move out without cause he could sue you, the letter and any other documentation you have proving unsafe or unsanitary conditions and proof that you have tried to get him/her to correct would probably go in your favor if the landlord were to take you to court)
I am surprised that APS has not taken more steps to protect this woman and make her safe as it does not sound like she is safe being cared for by the person that is supposed to be.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Hi Grandma, The fire department, and health department know about the situation.  I've sent photo's etc, but they then leave the problem at the Landlords door, because it's their property, and they are having problems accessing it, which is a weakness on there part.
(1)
Report
Is the son using weed legally? I would think he moved in as he had no where to live, especially with covid. Record the noise with date and time. Tell social services you suspect son is taking advantage of his elderly mother. Why do the authorities reveal your name? How old is son and how old is mom? Do you think it is dirty and the board of health would intervene? I am just throwing ideas out there and agree this is a terrible way to live.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
my2cents Nov 2020
The don't always reveal name. Sometimes it's just a matter of 2+2 to figure out who reported it. If you have words with a neighbor and then authorities show up, they ASSUME you made the call. With that assumption, they will make your life h*ll so they can continue on. Health department might be helpful because hoards bring rodents/bugs. Police, in the past, should have identified a hoard - so should the landlord. Maybe a call to attorney or legal aid to ask about options would get her on the right track of who would intervene in this city/area. What a mess.
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
More than 2.5 years of your life have been eaten up by this drama. You already know the limits of the authorities and landowners to make the problems go away.

Look up "sunk cost fallacy" and then think honestly and realistically how you would feel if the problems continued another 3 or 6 months, or more. Think also about how it would feel to relocate and not have the chaos, drama, and threats.

It sounds horrible. Years ago I lived in a flat below a mentally ill woman and still remember it as one of the most stressful times of my life. I loved that apartment and yard, it was such a great place. But as sad as I was to leave it, I knew the situation had little likelihood of resolution, andI had no influence to make it change. And it was SUCH a blessing to no longer live with the anxiety, anger, and distraction that living there committed me to. I now live in an extraordinarily sane, quiet building and thank my lucky stars every day.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I read the sunk costs fallacy, it was very good, and true, and thank you for sharing your experiences, it is a stressful way to live, and you clearly felt the same as I, I hope some day I have the same hindsight, a sane quiet building, sounds like heaven.
(1)
Report
Move. There is no point in staying if you've been miserable as long as you have. Do you love the house more than any enjoyment you can have while living there?

You say you love your home and have put in a lot of money, have adjoining walls with neighbors - so sounds like you bought a condo or apartment type unit while neighbor is only renting. Landlord of renter could have done something about this issue a long time ago, before covid. Most leases are 6 mos or 12 mos. If he had real concerns over the condition of his property he could have went month to month on her rent to give 30 day notice to vacate or refused to renew lease with her. He did neither. Probably because it's better for him to collect rent every month instead of cleaning up her mess and finding another renter.

You aren't getting help from landlord or police even though you asked long before covid was an issue. The threats are just threats until someone gets hurt and it's too late. That family is going to continue to make life miserable. The covid virus is not going away anytime soon, so with that issue holding up evictions now, the lady is not leaving. Get away from her. There's a place out there that you can love and have some peace of mind.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
my2cents Nov 2020
PS - you said landlord can only do so much. You're giving him waaaay too much credit. He could have done much more than he's done.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
The authorities will not want to evict anyone during the pandemic. This sounds like a terrible situation for you. They sound like the neighbors from h*ll, and it's a shame that the authorities are not protecting you. It sounds like you will not be able to do anything about it for months or longer, as this pandemic is no where near dying down. You have to decide if it's worth it to live in this toxic situation and live in fear for your posessions and personal safety. Maybe there are other nice apartments out there that you can move to. I've heard that rents are coming down in many places, for those who can pay their rent. You may want to talk to an attorney about the situation, especially if you will have to break a lease if you decide to move.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
You are right, I need to find out where I stand legally, if I don't then at least I've ventured down that avenue, thank you.
(1)
Report
You said you reported this to the "authorities" I see you have called the police, have you called the Elder Abuse Hotline? If not do that immediately. When you file a report to the hotline you need to focus your report of the potential harm to the individual. Many times callers will call the hotline and report a situation but they don't tell how the situation is a threat to the safety of the individual they are reporting. Call the hotline and tell them how much danger she is in by remaining in her home. The greater risk you can show SHE is in the higher priority your call will receive. Don't make the call about you and how she is having a negative impact on your life, the focus must be on the danger to her by remaining in the home!

Good luck, keep us updated on progress!
Cheryl J. Wilson, M.S.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Social services, and  all the dementia charities know, and they just refer it back to adult social services.
(0)
Report
Since they are not "working," they are probably using the senior's money as well as using her place to distribute drugs. Keep a log of "visitors" next door and let police know your suspicions. A drug bust may be needed to route out all the problems.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
The police and Landlord know about the drug use at the property. Thank you for your answer, there probably is a financial gain for them.
(1)
Report
I would call Code Enforcement, repeatedly, until they come out and see the inside of her unit - if you are positive it warrants a visit from them.

I would also call The Elder Abuse Hotline and report the son for financial abuse.

Call as many agencies as you can think of. The goal is to get lots of official people inside her unit. One of them will surely make something happen. If not, rinse and repeat with the calls.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Unbelievably the Landlord has not gained whole access to the property and it's their property, it's beyond belief.  The police have done a welfare check and as I understand that's what warranted a welfare concern and alerted social services.  I've contacted all the dementia and aged charities, some have been helpful, but have admitted that this is going to be a long process.
(0)
Report
Move. It’s not worth the headache. We lived in an apartment recently for a couple of years and had a horrible neighbor upstairs that made tons of noise night and day. The manager would take our complaints, express sympathy, and ultimately do NOTHING.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
You're right they are excellent at doing nothing, I've noticed that.
(0)
Report
There is a lot of good advice here, in the end you have to decide how much time you are willing to invest. You could use that same energy and set up a new place you like as much somewhere else and choose a more isolated location so not to end up in a similar situation.

I’ve had terrible neighbors before and I know it can take over your life and cause terrible stress. I worry the elderly lady will pass then you’ll be stuck with her son and the hoard is still there.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
Well, they are only considering the son as a lodger, but the elderly lady has a few years in her yet, unless of course something goes wrong elsewhere with her dementia or diabetes.
(0)
Report
Move and quickly! BTW, if there is drug use going on and the landlord is made aware of it, he may be held responsible for illegal activity on his property. Notify your local police about possible drug use and they will start watching the place.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It's not worth your life to remain in that house. It sounds like the neighbor is mentally ill and irrational. She isn't going to change. I think you need to leave as soon as possible, even if you have to rent a hotel room for a while. If you are renting, tell the landlord that you are deducting the expense of the hotel from your rent. Submit a written report to the police, social services, and any other agency with authority to address the problems. But, leave. You have to protect your life.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
She is definitely mentally ill and irrational, how much of that is dementia and how much of that is mental illness remains to be seen, as I think she has always been a hoarder.  You're right it isn't going to change, in fact with dementia it will only deteriorate further, and she is an aggressive type. The police and social services have untold reports on this, and other dementia charities, I have informed the Landlord about reduction in rent, but they won't do that as they are being seen to dot the i's and cross the t's and so lawfully they are doing the right thing.  Basically it appears they are just blaming each other.
(0)
Report
How can you profess to 'love your home' when you're living in these conditions? Being threatened, calling the police over and over again, being called foul names...........just re-read your post again and then ask yourself how you can possibly even LIKE one single thing about your home?

Then get out, move............remove yourself from this place as soon as humanly possible. It's a no brainer in my book. I'd have moved out after a month or two of this kind of chaos. How have you lasted years????

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Rose21 Dec 2020
I suppose I love my garden, it is big and full of wildlife, and I also have some really lovely neighbours, unfortunately they are not the ones adjoining me.  I've suppose I've lasted so long, on the false hope that the family were going to do something, but then finally realising that they wasn't.  Then of course the Landlord gave me false hope, even saying that everything was in line and ready to go, but then the Covid came in, and I was left here, and then nothing really got going thereafter, and I've had excuse after excuse, while the situation here has deteriorated even more, going from a noise, and welfare concern, to harassment. So I've been waiting for the dangling carrot, but not actually getting it, and now I'm beginning to realise that it may always be out of reach, for the authorities are just pushing paperwork, as they aren't having to live in the situation as I am.
(1)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter