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So this past weekend, dad faked sick! I finally got some help with him, but he doesn't want the help that I got! SMH! I could careless about that. But this is what happened last Saturday. Dad CONSTANTLY called my phone and texted saying that he felt horrible. Keep in mind that he hasn't called any of my siblings! Just me. So of course I know what he's doing, trying to get someone to come over there to slave for him, particularity me. He then texts and says there is blood everywhere! Sorry but that still did not work on me! I know my dad and I knew he was lying. He would have dialed 911. He then takes it to another extreme and starts calling ALL of my sisters. So I break down and head over to dad's, my sister is on her way as well. As soon as I get there, and see him, immediately know that he isn't sick! No blood anywhere and he's sitting up watching TV. I said dad, what is wrong? He says I'm sick. I said well lets go to the hospital then. He starts to cry and say no I'm not sick! I just wanted someone to get my ensure for me! What???!!!! He had us speeding on the highway to get to him. My sisters were in a panic, me on the other hand, I knew what he was up to. But when I saw him my anger just magnified. Long story short, we had a few words. My question to you is should I ignore him for the rest of this week? That really pissed me off.

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Yes. Tell him the little boy calling wolf-wolf story. Tell him you will not come by, and that if it is a medical emergency he needs to call 911. Go grey rock on him. Saying nothing to his hysteria but "call 911; I cannot come over". He clearly needs placement and doubt he will accept that until you stop playing slave, and of course you are the one he calls, because you are the one who goes over.
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You need a different care strategy for him, one that includes boundaries for yourselves. First, more information would be helpful: how old is he? What are his cognitive abilities (forgetful, hallucinations, irrational, not just dysfunctional and manipulative)? Is he able to do his ADLs on his own but just doesn't want to? Does anyone have durable PoA for him? If not, why not? Whose home is he living in? Other physical/medical issues? He is jerking you around because you are allowing it. Thanks!
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akvaughn40 Feb 2020
Hi Geaton777,

He is 74. He gets around just fine with or without his walker. He doesn't forget a thing and able to do things on his own. He lives alone by himself. He's being manipulative and annoying. He doesn't have dementia and remembers everything. He has diabetes and throat cancer. I just want him to stop this behavior. I can't get anything done and everything revolves around him.
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I guess my question would be what are you trying to accomplish. Ignoring him for just a week is likely to do nothing but make him act out again, fake an illness, call repeatedly, etc. if he thinks you will eventually show up. Do you really feel that he is doing this for some reason or is he just being annoying on purpose? Is he lonely and this is the only way to get attention? I'll just say what I learned from two different people who have done similar things.

One of the people was a family member who would call me all the time, with one thing or another. She'd lay in bed and claim that she couldn't get up to use the bathroom, could I bring her food, magazines, cat food, etc. All the while she was perfectly able to get up, walk, etc. It wasn't until a later down the road that it came out that she had dementia. She was actually scared, but, embarrassed to tell me something was not right in her mind. Also, she couldn't figure out how to do simple things. She was panicking due to the changes in her brain and wanted me there. That's why she lied and seemed so desperate for me to come over for no real reason. If you think he has dementia, you might try to intervene to get him 24/7 supervision, even if it's help he doesn't like.

One other family member often complains of ailments, asks for blood pressure machine, heating pad, call doctor's office, etc. and there is nothing wrong with her except she has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It manifests itself in ailments throughout her body, yet she refuses treatment. After MANY trips to the ER, where there is nothing wrong with her that a anti anxiety pill doesn't cure, I don't get involved with her ailments any longer and let her and her doctor handle it.
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akvaughn40 Feb 2020
Hi Sunnygirl1,

He's being manipulative and annoying. He doesn't have dementia and remembers everything. I just want him to stop this behavior. I can't get anything done and everything revolves around him.
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you can’t change him. You can change your response to him. Your option is to do what you need to do. If it’s an emergency, send 911 to him and don’t go. Do Not Go.
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Yes, ignore him. It used to work on my Dad. Its time he bugs his other children. So tell him that. Dad, please call one of the other kids. I can no longer be at ur beck and call. I just don't have that many hours in a day with a job and kids. (Make up that chart I suggested on another post)

Let your siblings experience what u do. Then...have a meeting to see how everyone feels. If ur all on the same page...you all go over to Dads and tell him time for an AL or help in his home.

Its sad, he is going thru something scary but he is not the only person who has done this alone. He needs to realize that his children cannot just put their lives on hold. They are responsible for other people and have jobs. To have a decent life now it takes two salaries. He needs to allow others to help him. He is not going to bring you all closer, he is going to alienate you at a time when he really needs your support.
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