Should I get my wife a doll? Would this be demeaning to her as an adult who is living with dementia?

It's extremely common for women with dementia to want dolls. It gives them a sense of purpose to care for the dolls. I'd even get her some reuseable diapers so she can "change" the baby if she is capable of that. It's not demeaning at all. It gives comfort in the dementia's often very frightening world.

Even men will benefit from such items, although they usually prefer toy animals to baby dolls.

Hi,
We had many ladies and men in the dementia unit where I worked have favorite dolls or toys. In later years, they got a few of the "Joy For All" kitties and pups, they move and woof, meow etc. Everyone just loved those too. But yes, a doll is very comforting and calming.

My wife of 59 years just passed from dementia last week. I got her a doll that sang "Jesus Loves Me" a few years back. She loved to hear it when I placed it by her ear or in her arm. As a Christian, it brought her a little peace. Do what you can to comfort her while you still can.

Hello:

My mother cried because she missed her "baby." She would sob thinking her babies had been kidnapped. I found a realistic looking doll on-line. We wrapped her in a receiving blanket and mom fell in love instantly. She held her, rocked her, and smothered her in kisses. We tucked her in bed with Mom at night. Ultimately, she was buried with Mom. Mom's reality was that she was a young mother again. The doll calmed her down and mom was much less frightened. We were very careful to treat the doll like a real baby.

Cautionary note: The doll's outfit had a couple little bows. Mom tried to bite them off and eat them. I bought a sleeper without any buttons or bows and the problem was solved.

If your wife's reality is that she needs to care for a baby, please, give her a realisic looking baby to love and care for. You won't regret it.

Best wishes,
Peggy

I’m so sorry your wife has Alzheimer’s disease.
By all means, buy your wife an adorable baby doll and a baby bottle with ‘milk” that disappears as you feed the doll.
Providing a baby doll for your wife is an act of love, to bring comfort to her.
Please look after yourself and find a support group that offers companionship, shared information and some laughter. It is always important to know you are not alone in your struggles.
Best Wishes,
Cora

My mom was a collector of antique dolls for probably 20 years. The first time I visited her in MC she had taken to a doll. We sat outside to visit and she was talking to the doll and even scolded me at one point for not being careful with him. It really provided her with a lot of comfort and helped her anxiety. The only problem we had is when she would see another resident holding "her" baby. She would get very agitated. So I purchased one for her. It disappeared, so then I purchased another one and bought an id bracelet so I could put her name on it. She is at a different, much better facility currently and the CT has explained to me it's hard to get her to go to bed sometimes. She went on to tell me how she tells my mom the baby is already asleep in bed and you need to take care of her. I recently bought another baby whose eyes are shut. My mom is on hospice, but when she saw the doll her face lit up and she said, "what a sweetheart." So yes I would get a doll. I would definitely discourage the breastfeeding with fiblets of it has to be on a special diet, you just fed it, etc.

Try to step behind HER eyes. If you decide yes, she will likely throw it against the nearest wall, so buy it from Amazon, who has a great return policy, keep the order #, delivery package/ tracking number, and buy her a cute, unresistable, adorable doll, and prepare her mentally, that this is not a real baby, but we thought you might like to pretend with us…. Remember, her eyes still tell her the truth, some parts of the brain are 100%, so make your story truthful; ask her if this temporary baby would help her.
She’s a little deficient but assume she’s not stupid.
(My wife died of it as well).

There are scientific studies being done to see how much the brain can heal itself with anti inflammatories to stop the dying of synapses. Go to YouTube for a general boost in your knowledge, look at “Leaky Gut Syndrome”, which implies that her bowels need more good bacteria, and that bad bacteria are getting / leaking out through the wall of the bowel, passing through membranes into the blood stream, traveling to the brain causing inflammation and destruction of the nerve endings that enable thought processes to complete.
The solution might be to get her off heavily processed junk food and onto a finely chopped or blended green leafy, veggie diet, - no sugar, no fructose, sucrose, or high fructose corn syrup.
All forms of sugar, including starches, white bread, white rice, peeled potatoes, - any white grains. - Eat the potato skins, fried in olive oil and a little salt are sooo delicious.
- Best cooking oil is locally grown olives, COLD PRESSED, EXTRA VIRGIN, immediately bottled UNFILTERED.
Always cook at minimal heat to avoid destroying the nutrients in this valuable oil.
Never buy blended oil. Get it from a family owned ranch where their reputation for quality is on the line.
Walmart carries my personal favorite brand: Pompeian Robust Extra Virgin Olive oil, about $16.50 for 64 oz. It’s the best available in my opinion.
Cook at about 200 deg F. It will not spit or boil at this temp, but will take more time to cook and brown meat, however it’ll retain moisture, because water won’t boil either. It’s your body!

I'm very sorry about your wife. When my poor mother had dementia, we got her one of those cats that look and sound real. Maybe that would take the attention off her breasts but still give her something to love. Good luck and bless you both.

Here is the link from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Joy-for-All/dp/B07JHW3VJQ

Terrysmellgood: Yes, do get her a doll.

Hi Terry,
Please have a breast examination completed on your wife, she may be trying to communicate a change that has occurred and need medical attention.
I have seen first hand the positive effects of doll therapy, however do not introduce it as a baby, let her form her own relationship with it, as I have also seen a negative reaction when the elderly lady started yelling “it’s not a baby it’s a doll” and mocked other residents who believed it was a baby.
Good luck to you both and wishing you all the very best 💙💗

Please get her a doll. Her reaction to it, good or bad, will tell you all you need to know. A doll can bring comfort to adults. When I was an extremely young (17 y.o.) Bride, I moved away from home and friends. My new husband was away at work Mon-Fri, "on the road". I was desperately alone for the first time in my life.

Someone had sent me a Raggedy Anne doll. She was a beauty, with a big smile. I put her on the sofa; she was the first thing I saw every day. She lifted my spirits!

I strongly recommend a doll!

My mom is the mother of 10 children. She always loved babies and having children. Throughout her dementia, she’s asked about her babies, worried if anyone is looking after them, etc. We purchased her a baby doll that looked almost real. She held it, talked to it, and even worried about its legs being cold and needing to be covered. Since then, we’ve added 2 more dolls that she also adore. People visiting such as doctors, nurses, and caregivers, understand. It soothes her and keeps her occupied. While it is not normal behavior to us, in their world, it is real. Believe me, this disease will take normal behavior out of them. But as caregivers, we adjust to their new world.

Does she like dolls ? She may enjoy holding and caring for a doll. I have always loved dolls and this is something I would enjoy. I have visited nursing homes and seen patients with dolls. They seemed to be very protective of them.

@Terrysmellgood, I just came here to say the identical thing @Isthisrealyreal wrote:

Yes, by all means buy your wife a soft, realistic babydoll, but explain that the baby can’t breastfeed (allergic, needs special formula, or whatever explanation she will accept).

Provide your baby-nurturing wife a “magic baby bottle with disappearing milk”, you can use that search term and find many on-line colorful toy magic baby bottles with disappearing milk, maybe these would work.

Good luck, I send you strength and good wishes on this tough journey of caretaking. We are pulling for you.

I was just talking about this today before I read your question.

maybe you feel more odd since youre a guy ???

im not a guy but i want a dog or cat with real sounds and wagging or whats appropriate.

if she talks about a baby i think a lifelike doll would comfort her.

1. I think this is fascinating. I can see why you're a little weirded out, but, hell, dementia is pretty weird.
2. Contact the Alzheimer's Association. This can't be the first time such a thing has happened or something close to it. Even if it is, they may have some useful advice.
3. Guess what? I had no idea until I googled it, but you can buy baby dolls that help women simulate breast feeding. They look just like babies. Who knew? They're rather expensive but cheap at half the price.
4. If it bothers you, have the caretaker sit with her if she decides to nurse the doll, but if she likes it and it makes her happy, wouldn't you like to be there with her when she's smiling?
5. Best wishes to both of you. She's lucky to have you.

Absolutely, yes, get her a doll. My husband and I minister to an Assisted Living home and several residents "care" for dolls. There's one lady who thinks she's 10 years old, and she loves the doll. It definitely isn't demeaning. In your wife's mind, she may think that she's a child. It's totally OK.

My grandmother had dementia and they gave her a doll. All her life she cared for children and loved babies especially. I think it was a comfort to her to hold it. They actually put it in her arms when they buried her. It was very sweet.

There are dolls, stuffed animals, and other items that are specifically designed for Alzheimer's patients. These items give them comfort.

https://memorablepets.com/

https://dailycaring.com/the-positive-effect-of-therapy-dolls-for-dementia/

It is not demeaning at all. It is beautiful to respect their illness and be aware of what her needs are and what would bring her joy. Bless you! My mom started treated a stuffed animal like it was real and was calling it her baby. She had a lot of anxiety and holding "her baby" calmed her down. I got her a baby doll that was about 20" tall and she hold him and taps her hand on his back. She is so gentle and loving with her baby. She sleeps with him and it relaxes her. She raised 5 kids so it is obvious that this part of her brain that she used so often is being stimulated and giving her joy. I also got her a cat that makes meow sounds and purrs and she loves that also.

If it comforts her, then yes. It might be a great comfort to her. A lot of people do regress back to childhood. In the nursing home, one lady who could walk just fine always wanted to hold our hands. Always talked of when she was about 4yrs old and her mother. They were good memories for her,

Im sorry it is stressful. It sure isn't easy. Perhaps you can get a sitter to help and spend some time having a life. Just a few hours to catch up with a friend or go shopping could help you mentally. This takes a toll on family members.
You need you time too. Good luck.

I gave my mom a white Teddy Bear that she had given to me on some occasion or other. She loved it and gave it my name.
Whatever gives your mother comfort should be the focus and not what others, or you, think about it. This is the woman who raised you, so mothering is nothing new to her. Go for it, show her some pictures and see if she reacts positively then off to the toy store, I'm sorry that you're going through this, but she is still here!

My very elderly grandmother thought my friend's daughter Catherine was her sister Kathryn. We let it go as Nanna was delighted to see her sister again. The home where Nanna lived had videos of baby faces that she watched by the hour. I say, whatever works.

Dolls are a very common form of therapy for dementia patients. It has been the BEST thing for my mother. The doll is extremely comforting to her, gives her purpose, something to take care of. She talks to it, kisses it and takes it everywhere, even to bed. Ashley-Drake.com actually has dolls specifically designed for dementia patients. I got the "Kayla Comfort" doll. It's been a Godsend. No, it's definitely not demeaning in any way.

My mom has a robotic cat. She takes it everywhere. We have to give her a new one once a year because it gets so dirty and matted. There was a lady in my mom’s unit who had a doll. The poor lady was up all night because the baby needed a diaper change or a bottle etc etc. You know what I’m getting at. The poor lady was not getting any sleep. Staff had to ask the family to remove the baby. So, if it was my loved one, I would not get anything. We got my mom a cat because we had to take away her real one and she was so distraught.

My mom is 89 and I have her a doll. It comforts her when no one else can. It’s not demeaning at all. I consider it a very caring act for their state of mind. Take care of yourself as well. 💜

You are very considerate of your bride. It is very common for dementia patients to have dolls or stuffed animals. It brings them comfort just as it brings comfort to children. And you do not need to leave the doll at home as previously suggested, leaving familiar areas such as the home causes stress and the doll will be even more of a comfort during that time. I wish you both well. We need more compassionate people like you.

Get your wife the doll. If your wife is so out of it that she thinks she's having another baby and plans to breast-feed, what harm can giving her a doll do? It might bring her some happiness and help keep her calm.
Her dementia has reached a point where really nothing is demeaning to her because the dementia takes a person's self-awareness.
Don't be concerned about whether or not you're treating her like a child or if it's demeaning to her. If her illness has regressed her back into being a child, toddler, or infant then treat her like one. I find that when a person is as far gone with dementia as your wife is, they respond to kindness. They're not bothered or offended because you treat them like a child or a baby.
I would get her the doll, but that should be as far as you support her delusion. No one is going to come and show her how to breast-feed a doll. That's where you draw the line.
Also, please do not get her a cat or any other animal. She is too far gone in dementia for that. Animals are living breathing creatures. They are not toys for the amusement of advanced dementia sufferers or toddlers. Neither possesses the mental capacity to understand that the dog or cat is not a toy. Get her the doll or a stuffed animal.

Is she an animal lover? Does she like cats? There are some remakably lifelike furry cats for sale. My mother derived pleasure from having one which she stroked and patted. I would have enjoyed stroking it myself but lived across the water. Theres no problem whatsoever in letting your wife have a doll if she derives pleasure from it (maybe so long as she doesnt start exposing her breasts to strangers while breastfeeding it?). Sounds like you are doing an amazing job for the woman you love. God bless you both. Remember, you know her best.

Check out www.pearlsmemorybabies.com
This is the first website I ever saw that showed using dolls and stuffed animals as therapy. I agree with others that anything that relieves her stress can only benefit.