Should I get Mom a double bed?
Mom has been in AL since February. She is always lamenting she misses her bed. She's on Zoloft so her mood is 50% better than it was (she was always a complainer, but now not quite as much - unless I spend more than 1/2 hour with her in her room - then that is all she knows how to do - complain.)
It was an adjustment moving from a three room IL apartment to one room AL, (dementia but she is still quite lucid and mobile) She didn't want to move but they told us she could not stay because she needed more help. She had to give up her queen size bed and dressers for a single bed and single dresser. (That's all the dresser she needed anyway - 75% of what was in the 2 dressers was junk, not clothes)
She brought up the bed again saying she feels like she is going to fall out in the night and she hates it. (Frankly, I don't blame her one bit - my hubby and I have twin beds. The queen wasn't big enough because I am restless and a king won't fit up the stairs. I end up sleeping in the guest room in the queen bed most nights. I hate the twin bed too.)
Although it will be a lot of work, finding another bed, setting it up and removing the old one, I would be happy to get her a double bed but I'm not sure that would give her much space to move around in her room. (I will ask them at AL if its ok).
I haven't brought it up with my sister yet because she will have a reason why not want to do it. She never agrees with me or wants to do anything I suggest. She will bring up she is 100 and she will complain just the same. (no doubt she will) Not that it matters, if I decide to do it, I will, and hubby and I will end up doing it ourselves anyway.
I just want to make sure Mom is comfortable and I'm not sure if the bed is just one of the complaints that is in her "loop of gripes" or if she really is needing the larger bed. (She is only about 5 ft tall and weighs 90 pounds.)
What would everyone else do?
I have spent a lot of time in Assisted Living and Memory Care rooms. Space can be an issue, although the one my cousin is in now is pretty roomy. But, if she were to break a bone and have to be in a wheelchair, she'll need all the room in her room she can get for moving around, turning the chair, getting assistance from aids, etc.
Also, does the facility change her linens? Would they have double size sheets on hand?
and getting settled would be much easier with a twin bed. Also, her room is small and there are times now when she needs to use her walker or transport chair so open space is a premium. I know we want to make our family comfortable but sometimes we have to go with practical. If you think her condition will continue to decline and she'll need help with positioning in bed I vote sticking with the twin.
Several have said this very well, yes, do whatever you can to get her a larger bed. Being comfortable while sleeping is so important to her wellbeing.
I think Jeanne gave the most logical answer. Look around her room. Would a double bed work? Would it really make her happy? Or would she complain tomorrow that it took up too much room or was too hard to make up? You know your mother and the room, so have a better idea than we do.
BTW, I went from a king bed to a single when I moved in here. No problem, really, though the bigger bed was more psychologically satisfying. When you're married for a long time you really only use a small part of the bed, so there wan't much change. When my father died, I put his hand grip on my bed, since it seemed the logical place to store it. I like it, though I can't say why. Maybe it's like a little boundary that would keep me from rolling out.
I think this is a case of us never being "that old" and not understanding what we would be like at that age. They all know what it is like to be our age;)
Having said that, I think back to mother's all-singing all-dancing variable pressure fully adjustable air bed and still I wonder if her last days wouldn't have been cosier and happier in her own familiar double bed, and hang the pressure sore risk. So if money's no object, I'd get your mother whatever bed she's really used to and happiest in - but be prepared to chuck it out and get something more practical for nursing purposes later on if need be. Expensive option! :/
I guess I'd make this decision based on the size of the room and weighing the benefits of a large bed vs the drawbacks of a crowded room. Which would really be the lessor of the evils inherent in the situation. You can't reach perfection for Mom but you can do your best to improve things.
If there are rules about the dresser, hmmmmn. My friend's mom brought in her own furniture, but did have two antique dressers, limited space. Guess you can have anything your mom needs, with permission.
If a double bed would fit in your Mom's room, a queen should only be a foot or so wider, so go with the queen if that would fit. I sleep on a queen by myself and it is so great to be able to move to the other side for some cool sheets :)
My parents had slept on a double bed for the pas 70 some years... don't know how they did it. I noticed it's becoming harder to find double size sheets.