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Mom has been in AL since February. She is always lamenting she misses her bed. She's on Zoloft so her mood is 50% better than it was (she was always a complainer, but now not quite as much - unless I spend more than 1/2 hour with her in her room - then that is all she knows how to do - complain.)

It was an adjustment moving from a three room IL apartment to one room AL, (dementia but she is still quite lucid and mobile) She didn't want to move but they told us she could not stay because she needed more help. She had to give up her queen size bed and dressers for a single bed and single dresser. (That's all the dresser she needed anyway - 75% of what was in the 2 dressers was junk, not clothes)
She brought up the bed again saying she feels like she is going to fall out in the night and she hates it. (Frankly, I don't blame her one bit - my hubby and I have twin beds. The queen wasn't big enough because I am restless and a king won't fit up the stairs. I end up sleeping in the guest room in the queen bed most nights. I hate the twin bed too.)

Although it will be a lot of work, finding another bed, setting it up and removing the old one, I would be happy to get her a double bed but I'm not sure that would give her much space to move around in her room. (I will ask them at AL if its ok).
I haven't brought it up with my sister yet because she will have a reason why not want to do it. She never agrees with me or wants to do anything I suggest. She will bring up she is 100 and she will complain just the same. (no doubt she will) Not that it matters, if I decide to do it, I will, and hubby and I will end up doing it ourselves anyway.

I just want to make sure Mom is comfortable and I'm not sure if the bed is just one of the complaints that is in her "loop of gripes" or if she really is needing the larger bed. (She is only about 5 ft tall and weighs 90 pounds.)

What would everyone else do?

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We placed a mattress topper on my husband's bed and it helps him sleep much more comfortably.
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Well, problem solved. Good thing I didn't get the double bed - we just moved Mom to a nursing home because assisted living can't give her the care she needs. So glad I had only just purchased the mattress pad and sheets which can be returned.
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Dad loves the mattress topper I got him. It is so comfy.
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Rainmom: Yea, factual reason NOT to get a used mattress=besbugs! Thank you, Rain!
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I'm with liamalover - eeweeeee!
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Amy: You don't want a used mattress!
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I know I would love to make her happy with a larger bed, but with her being so small, I can't believe that the single isn't plenty big. What if the mattress was more luxurious? Would a pillow top or mattress pad make it feel better?

I have spent a lot of time in Assisted Living and Memory Care rooms. Space can be an issue, although the one my cousin is in now is pretty roomy. But, if she were to break a bone and have to be in a wheelchair, she'll need all the room in her room she can get for moving around, turning the chair, getting assistance from aids, etc.

Also, does the facility change her linens? Would they have double size sheets on hand?
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I'm looking into it, have priced mattresses (as I can't find a used one). My sister pointed out that the bed she is using is the bed and mattress she (Mom) picked out so she could sleep in it at sis' house and she never once complained about it then........hmmm. Kind of waiting to see what she says next. The AL just went up 6% and we still don't know how much the "personal care" portion will go up. It was just taken over by Brookdale, and now they have a crazy way of charging no one understands, but its a LOT of money. I'm not sure how long she will be able to stay there for her dementia, and because of the cost. The doctor said she is amazingly healthy, nothing wrong with her except age. She still won't use the walker, is very very unsteady and we have caught her several times before she fell. Its only a matter of time before it happens and she puts herself into a nursing home, bedridden. Then, you are right Nojoy3, we would have to go back to the twin bed!
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My Mom with ALZ DZ has a double bed and I'm finding it to be a problem. It was no big deal when she could move easier and adjust herself in bed but she is now getting frailer and needs some help getting positioned in bed. Helping her with repositioning
and getting settled would be much easier with a twin bed. Also, her room is small and there are times now when she needs to use her walker or transport chair so open space is a premium. I know we want to make our family comfortable but sometimes we have to go with practical. If you think her condition will continue to decline and she'll need help with positioning in bed I vote sticking with the twin.
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My husband and I recently stayed at a hotel with a bed smaller than we were used to. We both remarked in the morning how much we missed our larger bed.

Several have said this very well, yes, do whatever you can to get her a larger bed. Being comfortable while sleeping is so important to her wellbeing.
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If its the expense you're worried about, we were able to replace moms very old mattress with a completely clean, basically new one listed on craiglist from someone who had it in a guest room. Obviously, be careful if you go this route, but we couldn't see going through the hassle and expense of a new mattress that would likely get wetted and not used for long if another move is in the future. Mom barely noticed the switch, and we didn't have to worry her about finances.
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Will it fit in the AL? If so, the double bed would be better than a twin.
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Thanks everyone. I'm going to see her tomorrow and will first speak with the staff to make sure its ok, and to find out if others have double beds. Then I'll figure out how to do it.
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My aunt was able to bring a full size bed from home and we cut the legs down so it was lower and she could get out of it better. I can't imagine having to sleep on a tiny twin bed! One without a foot board shouldn't be a problem.
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My mother wanted a full bed with headboard. She went back and forth on it for a long time, then finally said yes, it is what she wanted. That is when the nightmare began. First, the bed wasn't right. She pushed it about the room until she finally broke the headboard. So I took off the headboard. All was okay for a day or so. Then she decided she wanted a single bed again. Then she decided she wanted both a headboard and footboard -- not enough room!

I think Jeanne gave the most logical answer. Look around her room. Would a double bed work? Would it really make her happy? Or would she complain tomorrow that it took up too much room or was too hard to make up? You know your mother and the room, so have a better idea than we do.

BTW, I went from a king bed to a single when I moved in here. No problem, really, though the bigger bed was more psychologically satisfying. When you're married for a long time you really only use a small part of the bed, so there wan't much change. When my father died, I put his hand grip on my bed, since it seemed the logical place to store it. I like it, though I can't say why. Maybe it's like a little boundary that would keep me from rolling out.
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Please go with a bigger bed! Our elderly have so few pleasures in life at that age and if the bigger bed gives her even an ounce of joy for her last remaining weeks, months, years ........ it is SO worth it!

I think this is a case of us never being "that old" and not understanding what we would be like at that age. They all know what it is like to be our age;)
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The ALF might not be keen on the larger bed because, looking ahead to when/if your mother needs more help, God forbid, with turning, changing etc., it's harder to get at the patient if you're reaching across a wider expanse of mattress.

Having said that, I think back to mother's all-singing all-dancing variable pressure fully adjustable air bed and still I wonder if her last days wouldn't have been cosier and happier in her own familiar double bed, and hang the pressure sore risk. So if money's no object, I'd get your mother whatever bed she's really used to and happiest in - but be prepared to chuck it out and get something more practical for nursing purposes later on if need be. Expensive option! :/
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I would hate to go from my queen size bed to a single. But I would also hate the claustrophobic feeling of having a room too full of furniture. I expect I will have a lot of adjustments in going to a care center! And no one will be completely able to satisfy me.

I guess I'd make this decision based on the size of the room and weighing the benefits of a large bed vs the drawbacks of a crowded room. Which would really be the lessor of the evils inherent in the situation. You can't reach perfection for Mom but you can do your best to improve things.
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If her current room is smaller, a double bed won't look so out of scale as a queen, and should be plenty big. I've always had a double bed; after my husband passed I began sleeping on his side so it wouldn't be empty. A double would still be big enough for her to move around without being as aware of the edge.
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Yes.
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When memory becomes a problem, I think you look for things in your environment to be familiar. Going from a queen to a single is a big adjustment. She probably will be happier with more space. And about the loop of gripes, it might be that is one of the only things she can remember to carry on a conversation. Getting older many times is accompanied by isolation and loneliness. Just try to be supportive by listening and reassuring her that it must be hard. Seriously, it really sucks getting older and losing what you once had.
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P.S. Our guy with Parkinsons changed out his bed at least 5 times over 15 mos., but that was at his home. With all the bed rails, etc., he was still afraid of the falling sensations he suffered from.
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Amy, have the bed delivered and set up by the mattress company. Arrange it, you can do it!
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Can a queen bed be pushed into a corner, add lots of pillows along the wall. Guess it depends on the persons making up the bed? (Bed on wheels that lock?)
If there are rules about the dresser, hmmmmn. My friend's mom brought in her own furniture, but did have two antique dressers, limited space. Guess you can have anything your mom needs, with permission.
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Sorry - guess it should have been queen sized instead of double bed. I kept picturing the latter.
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I'd get her the double bed. I might also consider getting some of the rails shaped like inverted U's to put on the side she doesn't normally use for getting in and out, just in case she becomes confused and decides to get up on the wrong side of the bed (no pun intended). I was thinking of a post sometime ago by someone caring for a parent who had been falling out of bed.
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AmyGrace, I understand completely as I see my Mom in her tiny twin size hospital size bed and seeing her rolling back and forth trying to get comfortable without falling out [the bumper guards make the bed feel like the size of a sleeping bag].

If a double bed would fit in your Mom's room, a queen should only be a foot or so wider, so go with the queen if that would fit. I sleep on a queen by myself and it is so great to be able to move to the other side for some cool sheets :)

My parents had slept on a double bed for the pas 70 some years... don't know how they did it. I noticed it's becoming harder to find double size sheets.
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