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My mother is 73 and lives on the other side of the country. I am her only child. She lives independently and, for the most part, gets around very well. She has been seeing the same general practitioner (GP) for 20+ years, but his care seems out-dated and opinionated. I am trying to decide if I should call her GP to discuss this most recent issue. My mother, like many folks of her generation, believes everything her doctor tells her without question. Just a few examples of why I'm not fond of this GP...When my mother was in her late 50s, she had horrible, debilitating back pain. Her GP told her that back surgery doesn't work and will "ruin her life." He prescribed an opioid patch, which made her crazy (she would see and talk to my deceased grandfather). It was so bad she almost had to retire early, which would have cost her an affordable retirement. In the 4 years she dealt with this pain, this GP never refered her to a specialist. I was 28 at the time and had to force my mother to see a specialist. It turned out her issue was easily repairable via surgery. She reluctantly had the surgery and no longer has back pain.
7 years ago, my mother was planning to visit me for the probably the 10th time since I've lived in Denver. A week before she came to visit, she had a minor same-day-surgery. When my mother, who has a handful of digestive problems, told her GP she was going to visit me, he prescribed an epilepsy drug that can be used off-label for altitude sickness. My mother has never had altitude sickness and if she did there are plenty of over-the-counter meds with far less side effects that she should try first! He didn't warn her that she absolutely cannot drink alcohol on the med. She didn't read the label, had a glass of wine, vomited violently, tore a stitch from her procedure, and bled internally. She spent 10 days in the hospital in Denver.
Fast forward to today and now 17 uneventful visits to Denver, she went to her GP for acid reflux meds and told him she was coming to visit me in Denver. I had a hunch and asked her if he prescribed the same epilepsy meds for altitude sickness. He did! My mother doesn't see anything wrong with this. She's completely forgotten or maybe never really understood the link between her stay at a Denver hospital and this medicine. I tried very hard to say calm. I explained that she's never had altitude sickness, that if she did have altitude sickness, she could take over-the-counter meds with less side effects, and tried to spark her memory on the harm this med caused in the past. I'm not entirely blaming this on my mom's GP, but she's never had the best memory, and I can't watch over her from the other side of the country. I would like to call her GP and talk. My questions: Can I do this? Is it legal? If you've talked with you loved one's doctor, what have you done that worked?

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If you can actually get the doctor on the phone you can say anything you’d like about your mother’s health and care. However, the doctor cannot talk to you in any way about her health or care. It’s a violation of HIPPA law for him to do so. For him to talk with you would require your mother filling out whatever form his office requires and her giving permission for the conversation. You cannot force your mother to change doctors unless she’s incompetent to make her own decisions. Sounds like time to put legal documents in place like POA for healthcare, and check into have the memory issues evaluated by a neurologist
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Jojothepogo Feb 2020
That's what I'm scared of. She will actually be staying for the next week and I will be watching for signs to maybe have her memory issues evaluated further. It's so scary to hear your mom be so naive about her medical care and to seem clueless about a major health incident.
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Guess we are talking NEURONTIN here, as it is the most prescribed off label drug in all history in all likelihood, and this has been going on for ages. Guess what, now even VETS give it for dogs with "pain". I don't know what magic that drug company has but am certain if I follow the money it may show up. That said, your Mom is an adult. I am 77. I will not welcome the day that my 58 year old daughter calls my doctor without permission (NOR will my doctor). I am not a child. When I have dementia she will be my power of attorney. Time enough to act in my behalf as she sees fit. Your mother's doctor is forbidden by law to discuss her with you unless she supplies her permission. Certainly I would think that your Mom would welcome your gentle, thoughtful queries, and I hope would consider your input, but if she doesn't, that's up to her.
Wishing you good luck and am so glad you caught that medication repeat before your Mom downed a glass of wine. I always need one on a flight, as well, or did until they started only accepting charge and debit cards for it. Have a great visit.
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We have had similar problems with moms PCP. We called a geriatric specialist and set up an appointment. We told mom she needed a second opinion to review her general health and medications. She seems ok with it.
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Her doctor can talk to you if she gives him permission *in writing* to speak with you. Considering how far away you are, it's a good idea to start getting such paperwork in place now. Do you have durable power of attorney for both medical and financial?

You also could get her an appointment with a geriatrician in Denver. You live in a big city and have a university hospital. You can't force her to change doctors but you can introduce her to a fresh way of thinking about her health.
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If Mom is 73 how old is this doctor? Maybe time to retire. I think contacting him would not do any good. He thinks he knows it all.

My parents had a Dr. like this a GP. He too never sent Dad to a specialist. Dad broke out ever Summer with a itchy rash for years. After a hospital stay he was sent to a Cardiologist. As soon as that Dr. saw the rash, he told Dad it was the water pill he was taking. That ur not suppose to go out in the Sun when using that pill. Dad needed to wear long sleeves. Same GP never did full labs. It was found by the Cardiologist that Dads potassium was very low. Once it was brought up, Dads depression disappeared. My Mom went into the hospital with a UTI. She was doing well until the day of discharge. She did a 180. She was breathing funny and unresponsive. I went out to the desk 3x before a nurse finally asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted the doctor called and told she had done a 180 and she shouldn't be discharged to rehab. He was called and got her another day. In the meantime, my RN daughter shows up and finds the antibiotic they were using had penicillian which Mom was allergic to which was in the Hospital records. Antibiotic was changed and she went back to normal. I believe that if sent to rehab with that antibiotic, she would have died.

I am 70. Maybe its because of the things I have seen caring for my parents. Maybe it was working 7 years with nurses. Maybe because my daughter is an RN. But I question everything.

I think its time for a new PCP. He seems to be really old school. Why would u give medication for air sickness when it was not asked for.
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Jojothepogo Feb 2020
JoAnn29. That's awful, but I'm glad everything worked out. The GP prescribed the Neurontin because he get's altitude sickness when he skis near Denver, so I guess he just assumed he would do my mom a favor and prescribe this med. It's almost like he convinced her that she would have altitude sickness - even thought it was her 10th visit to Denver without any issues. Denver's at high altitude. I think he could convince her of anything, which is just plain scary.
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