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Momma has been seeing this doctor for a little over two years now. More so here recently because she is having issues with her shunt for NPH. I am sure the dr is a good surgeon but I am doubting his people skills. This last visit was on deciding whether or not to adjust the flow of the shunt because momma was having mobility issues. What he does is rides the fence. He leaves it up to me to make the decision on whether to adjust the shunt or not. I feel like he is the Dr and should be the one to advise me on what to do. He has her most recent cat scan in front of him. I am looking towards him and I do not get any advice until I pull it out of him. This last visit it was like he was argueing with me about it. Momma was sitting there and I guess she felt left out of the conversation and said something about it - he told her to her face that her cognitive abilities were lacking. Not only did I feel like that was rude but unprofessional on his part. She did not understand what he said but I did. I did not like the way he acted and spoke to her and me. I am thinking about changing doctors. This was not the first time about his behavior - just the worse.

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That sounds a little bit like Doc Martin - - maybe your guy has Asperger's too...

But but seriously, sometimes you have to choose a top-notch practitioner over a personable communicator - - and then it's up to you to use a crowbar to pry out the answers you're looking for.

If they hesitate, I find that this usually works for me: wait a few beats and then say, "I understand. Although, just hypothetically, what would YOU do if this were YOUR mother (father, spouse, sister, brother, child, etc etc) ???
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I see what Alva is saying but, I personally don't do well with Drs. that I am not comfortable with.
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OK, the truth here, in the old RN's opinion, is that the best surgeons can be the worst communicators. It is kind of why they chose surgery. They like the mechanics of it all and not the people side. It's a shame, but often true and when I had a mastectomy I chose the surgeon no one can STAND because he is the best. I often told his patients when they asked "Great surgeon, awful communicator". The truth is that he was brutally honest with your Mom, and that's that. IF he has no recommend ie DON'T DO THIS or DO DO THIS means that he is on the line about whether or not it might help, and whether or not the danger and risk is to be weighed against possible outcome. Sometimes it is actually up to you. It would be nicer if they could give you percentages as in "My thought is that there is a 30% chance I can improve this flow, but manipulation can actually present a 30% higher risk, so we are between the devil and the deep blue sea.". When I had cancer it came down to whether to take a pill for 5 years or not; I asked. And was told "Oh. I don't know. It's anything but an exact science. I can tell you that because you are an RN but I can't say it to my patients because they want me to have answers. So I give them answers." I know. Awful. But it is sometimes true. Not saying this is right, just trying to give you perspective. And you know....be honest. Tell him "You know, I hope your surgeon skills are as good as your people skills are bad". And he will shoot back "If you don't like the store take your business to another". I mean at some point it is what it is. You are left with a tough decision. Ask a nurse if you can find her. If she or he says "you know, no people skills, but he's the one I would use" you know he's great. If she or he says "Oh..........you know.........all our doctors are good.........." and then shrugs. Well, shop for another.
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My thought is that a gerontologist could look at the information provided by the neurosurgeon and help you to understand what it means if you decide yes vs no, and can work with you to help balance her QOL. It may be that you can find a different neurologist who can do that for you, the communication and people person factor is difficult to predict.
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There is a good reason for the common belief that those who make it to the top (and a neuro surgeon is definitely at the top) are very often lacking in people skills. While he may be a brilliant surgeon that isn't necessarily what you need right now, but instead of looking for more of the same I wonder if adding a gerontologist to your care team might be more helpful - someone who is more patient focused and can act as your interpreter and advisor.
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akababy7 Mar 2020
Thank you! Never heard of a gerontologist. But I would think she would still need to go to "somebody" to adjust her shunt when necessary?
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