Should I be upset that my 90 year old father is seeing 5 ladies at the same time?

How sad. Please be charitable towards your father. What harm is he doing? Do you resent his enjoying his last years? I don't think you have to fear possible future heirs.

I say whatever makes him happy.
At 90 yrs old, he should do what he wants as who knows when it'll be his last.
He may just enjoy different ladies for their Company and nice that he has several friends.
Don't take it so personally, just because he has a few lady friends, doesn't mean he didn't love your mom. You might try looking at it that even all these women can't take the place of his wife.
Everyone deals with their loss in different ways.
You should be happy that he is trying to live and not be depressed and or want to die.

You are wrong. Stop judging your Dad. It’s that simple. Live and let live. He deserves whatever happiness and joy he can find. He’s not hurting anyone. The prayers should be with you, In hoping that no one judges you when you’re 90. Grow up!!

I can understand your discomfort but he waited a year and it sounds as though he is having a bit of a field day now, in his twilight years! Older people can behave a bit like teenagers. Try not to be too offended and it sounds like none of the relationships are meaningful. Worse things can happen!

Good for him and the 5 ladies. They have someone to do things with!! As people age, lonliness is a big problem. I am happy for them.
If Dad was dating one lady, I would think that should concern you more. Dad's just enjoying life. Be happy for him!

Let him live out his last days because this is obviously something that was a part of him, but he never let it come out while he was married. Maybe he never had five ladies at one time before, and it may have been a fantasy of his. We don’t know. It any rate, if he’s in his right mind and able to do things for himself and you don’t have to be the sole caretaker for him, he’s doing well. Be blessed and know that your father still in his right mind and that he still shows interest in the ladies and the ladies in him. I know it may be hard to comprehend because he was with your mom, but he did show your mom much respect while they were married. Let him live!

No worries! We are always our mother's daughters, loyal and loving to our passing, so I definitely understand where you are coming from. His mingling and being adored by women impinges on that. She is a beloved in your life. Talk to her about your feelings, perhaps. Social isolation is probably the #1 cause of an early demise. There are very few gents around compared to ladies at that age, and they have history and culture in common. It's as important as food. If he were going to a senior center and socializing a lot, that's the same thing. My former father in law traveled to Spain with one of his assisted living facility admirers, in his late 90s! Not everyone could do that. But watching TV and staring at the ceiling doesn't sound too nice. Your dad still has something vital to offer. Your mom is a part of him forever, no matter what. But you are still stuck with your feelings, so keep talking to your dad that you are still grieving over mom. But let him enjoy a social life.

While there is nothing wrong with moving on after losing a spouse IMO we haven't been given enough information to judge fairly. I'm kind of surprised that the consensus is get it while you can (nudge nudge wink wink).

Is this completely opposite to his previous personality and moral code? That could cause the OP to feel their father has been replaced with a stranger they can't understand or relate to.
Is he bringing his lady friends to family functions and insisting they be regarded as a pseudo family member?
Is he treating these ladies in a way that is disrespectful to women and most of us would find repulsive in a younger man?

But - I'm not suggesting that any of that gives the OP permission to treat her father like a naughty teenager.

Bravo for your dad!
When we reach ninety, we've earned the right to live to the fullest. And whatever relationships he has now have nothing to do with his marriage to your mom. If anything, that marriage must have been so good that it gave him this lust for life.
Celebrate with him.

My mother was widowed in her early 70's, and never dated again. However, she belonged to the church choir and was very friendly with a man her age who was married, and who she had known for a long. His wife. also a friend of my mother's. was not in the choir. When he died suddenly, my mother refused to go to the funeral, and seemed depressed. My siblings were shocked. I think I understand. The majority of Mom's friends were female, and a few couples. Her friend in the choir was the last male friend her age that she was able to have one-on-one conversations with. His point of view must have been very precious to her, and now that was gone. Perhaps your father's five lady friends are getting what they need from a man, be it conversation, a dinner partner, or sex. Your father is an adult, and is trying to have some happiness in the time that is left to him. Why should YOU be upset. Look inward for your answer.

Dr Laura said after a certain age if we lose our spouse and do not replace that spouse we may follow them to the grave.

He maybe saving himself and five others.

Ninety year old, huh? After 80 years of age we start talking dog years left, so he waited 7.
I'd have felt odd as well if my parents started dating again, had they done that. They didn't live long enough, a part from each other, but it would've been a learning experience for me. And maybe the lesson would've been permission or not having the right to give permission.
For sure I'd give my husband a green light.

Be happy and feel lucky he's got friends.

In my lifetime I learned a natural division between friends as they did the same. I've had my movie friends, who sometimes overlapped my concert friends. I've had dinning/cooking friends. I have my phone, book swapping and lecture friends, etc. Some have died, moved, too sick or are busy caregiving. New good people are always welcome.

Your dad's true-blue time was with your mom.

Does your father bathe, shave and continues to be, within fair parameters, responsible? Or is he showing signs of going into a second adolescence?

Are his friends about his age, fun and lady-like? I'd only worry if they are the Lady in Distress type. Can you prove in a court of law that he is incompetent?

Your dad is alive. He's healthy. HE'S NINETY, Hello?
A healthy mind does not want an old dad or mom to live miserably, obsessing about a loved one's death, or about their own impending death. This is not what we want for each other.

I agree with Midkid58. Definitely keep an eye on his finances. Just because these girlfriends are near his age (and I'm assuming here), doesn't mean they aren't looking for someone they can easily manipulate into paying for everything. If he's "dating" women much younger, then you can pretty much count on that. Do these women know about each other? Does he live alone and vulnerable to predatory influences?

What does your father have to say about this situation? He thinks this is appropriate behavior? His cognitive abilities may be in decline. I would really have a serious conversation with him. Keep an open mind. He indeed may be lonely and finds these ladies' attention fun. Have you actually MET any of them? What is his reaction to your meeting them? If he's secretive about it, it's a red flag. Elderly abusers don't want to be known to families.

Lastly, your Dad is 90. Sadly, the majority of 90-year olds are losing cognitive function and he probably wouldn't recognize financial abuse or accept if he was a victim of it. If you feel he's not being financially abused but just "having fun", then there's not much you can do.

After a spouse of many years dies, the remaining spouse goes through many emotions differently than a remaining child. He apparently mourned for a year and may be lonely and wanting some companionship. It has nothing to do with his loyalty to your Mom. Ask him, don't accuse. He may have a reasonable explanation.

He is 90. My opinion, let him live and be happy 👍🏼

Yes, you're wrong. This has nothing to do with your beliefs or his marriage to your Mother. He is dating and enjoying his life. Be happy that he still has a good quality of life at 90.

Sorry, but I really don't think this has anything to do with his marriage to your mom. He's probably lonely and enjoys the company of these different ladies. Have you considered what the alternative would be?

As long as it's just dating, why not? Marriage might be another thing. If there are assets, he should be sure that he has a will and possibly a prenup.

I say more power to him.

He’s no longer married to he he is a widower. And an adult. He isn’t seeing these ladies while married to your mom. He’s single. Why is it offensive well more to the point how is his dating life your business?

I wouldn't say too much. They will keep him occupied. Unless, he decides to get married. Then that might be a problem.

His job now is to take good care of himself. A client of mine, 101 years had 7 different lady friends, all living in the same facility. He kept everyone happy and from time to time would have an occasion to invite everyone to a festivity. Everyone acted like grownups, including his 3 kids who had their preferences but wanted his happiness for the most part. And all the ladies were most cordial.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life

I can see how you might feel this way. This is your father and he was married to the woman who was your mother. Speaking as someone who doesnt have this emotional attachment, I dont think it is disgusting and I think it is fine. I do wish my mother could still have a dating life. She is 90 also. I think your reaction is because you are his daughter. Think about it from a different perspective, like if it was a friends father or someone else you just knew and he was 90 with Alzheimer’s. That might help.

Personally, I think it's a non-issue. I'm sure he loved your Mom very much, but he is lonely now and this makes him happy. Would you rather he sink into a depression? As long as he is nice to all of them, what harm can it do? Let him be happy as I bet all his lady friends are!

Yes. As long as they dont care or are trying to steal from him.

Definitely NOT it is NOT anything against your mother! Your father is trying to enjoy life and have companionship. AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT LEAD THEM ON AS IF EACH IS THE ONLY ONE HE IS SEEING N he is Kind n Loving! Let him live what time God has given him to live his life! BE GLAD N Unselfish that he is mentally & physically able to do the many things most 90 yr old cannot!!! Be Alive, Walk, Eat. Talk, Love AND YOU STILL HAVE HIM IN YOUR LIFE YOU ARE VERY VERY BLESSED!!!! Dr Jack Grenan

Crazed,
Your father is not like this, but I know of a daughter who was upset because her father was a serial marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce kind of guy.

The adult daughter came to love and include each new wife in their family.
After the fifth divorce, she told her father that she was not going to exclude (divorce) the last ex-wife, and kept her as family.

A father's actions and lifestyle do affect his family profoundly. If you don't want to tolerate your Dad's dating or include these strangers in your family, you can cut or decrease contact with him without guilt. imo.

Not focusing on what Dad is doing will help you be less upset. He sounds like a busy guy anyway. Let everyone else do for him what you have been doing.

I believe you should allow your dad to date as many women as he wish. It’s unfair to stifle his ability to find happiness and companionship. I suggest you trust your dad’s wishes.

Hi. I can understand how your dads behaviour might offend some, especially a daughter who had a good relationship with their mother whilst she was alive.
Sadly she has passed on but your 90 yr old dad is still very much alive. It looks to me as though he is trying to make the most of what precious little time he has left.
Be thankful you still have a father in your life. He has earned his Stars and Stripes and now gets to play until it’s “ time to go”.
He would have to be a kind man to successfully date that many women at the same time without upsetting any of them. Put a smile upon your face at the thought of it all instead of being upset.
For surely he is a rare man indeed and as these women seem to respect him regardless, perhaps it’s time you did too.
Once we too age, we come to realise how precious life and this planet is, so do not begrudge him his happiness. Just try to find yours instead 😉

A man after my own heart! Go Go Go!

It might be offensive to the 5 ladies that he’s seeing multiple people at the same time but it certainly isn’t a mockery to his marriage. His marriage is over and he deserves to enjoy life