Should I be upset that my 90 year old father is seeing 5 ladies at the same time?

It's tough to watch, I know. My mom had moderate dementia, but my dad was the love of her life, and when he died fairly suddenly, her high school boyfriend who she hadn't seen since 1944 suddenly "reappeared," and they were "married" two months later. Mind you, the BF actually died in 2009, she never did see him after 1944, and they certainly weren't married, but losing a companion after 66 years was intolerable for her so she made up this very happy relationship to stave off the loneliness. She and "Dan" were blissfully happy in her head for nearly three years until Mom died this past July.

It was really, REALLY hard to watch this happen, because Mom didn't ever not know her children until almost the end, but she seemed to forget Dad in a heartbeat. She HAD to, because her heart was broken, and it took me a while to understand that. From that point on, I accepted Mom's invisible husband as a part of the family. He even warranted a mention at Mom's memorial service, and her caregivers told me that Mom weathered the Covid lockdown much better than most of the residents because Dan never left her side.

Please understand that your dad needs companionship. Losing a spouse of so many years isn't merely heartbreaking, it's like losing a limb. He's not trying to replace your mother, but he is trying to feel whole and loved again and that's not something to get angry about.

My grandmother died 1966, and my grandfather held out for four years before remarrying. He was so certain his daughters would be upset that he didn't even tell them when he did get married. My mother was indeed livid (my aunt was not), and she had a cool relationship with her father's wife for the rest of their lives. Ruth (the new wife) was only five years older than my mother, so Mom was pretty bent about her father being a "dirty old man," but Ruth was nearly 50, had never been married, had worked for my grandfather in the 1940s, and they were very happy for 13 years until he died. It was really unfortunate that my mother never could quite forgive her father for wanting to feel whole again, because Ruth was part of our family until she herself died in 2018 and was the only grandmother I knew. (I was too young to remember my grandmother.)

Don't confuse your heartbreak at the loss of your parents as a unit with your father's loss of half of who he was. He's not required to martyr himself to your mother's memory by being alone for the rest of his life. Please be supportive and make sure his finances are well-secured just in case one of the lady friends isn't quite as ladylike as one would hope.

After many years as a caregiver to his beloved wife my uncle was widowed. He reunited with a childhood friend and had a serious relationship but they agreed not to marry. She was older than him, and after several wonderful years together she also passed. When he moved into an independent living apartment he was overwhelmed with female attention. He still drove, had his teeth and hair, had a pleasant sense of humor and could dance. Everyone was interested in him. None of this was disrespectful to his late wife. He was lonely and he was also a caregiver who needed someone to take care of. It became the family joke to ask my 90+ year old uncle how his love life was. Crazed, these ladies may be after your dad's companionship because he is good company. They are lonely and old, and the attention of a nice man goes a long way to making them feel better about themselves. As long as Dad isn't behaving promiscouously or being taken advantage of I don't think you have to worry.

I say more power to him.

His job now is to take good care of himself. A client of mine, 101 years had 7 different lady friends, all living in the same facility. He kept everyone happy and from time to time would have an occasion to invite everyone to a festivity. Everyone acted like grownups, including his 3 kids who had their preferences but wanted his happiness for the most part. And all the ladies were most cordial.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life

Absolutely you are wrong! And being very unfair to your Dad. Your Dad had a beautiful marriage. He is now single. At 90 thank God he still has interest in human companionship. You should be asking him if he needs help making dinner or driving him to take one of his dates out for a ride. If he wants to date 50 women it is non of your business. I applaud your Dad for living a fun life and you are blessed that he is putting up with your selfish meddling in his life.

Personally, I think it's a non-issue. I'm sure he loved your Mom very much, but he is lonely now and this makes him happy. Would you rather he sink into a depression? As long as he is nice to all of them, what harm can it do? Let him be happy as I bet all his lady friends are!

Its called "playing the field". No problem with it unless he is making each lady feel she is the only one. He is 90, not too many years left to enjoy himself. Mom has passed and I don't feel it reflects at all on ur parents marriage. Maybe none of the ladies are looking for anything permanent, they just enjoy dating Dad. Let him have his fun. Better than sitting around the house with nothing to do.

It's called 'dating'...I don't see where there's any 'stringing along' of anybody unless your dad is making promises to the women he spends time with; if he's sexual with them he does need to be responsible and the women need to know it's not an 'exclusive' situation. It's no disrespect to your departed mother; he waited a full year to date, out of respect and social norms. Be glad he is finding companionship; after a long marriage it makes sense to relax a bit and enjoy 'playing the field' as long as everyone is clear that it is casual companionship. Try to be happy for him and be open to his friends. This dating is better than a rush into a marriage. My wonderful uncle lived to 98 after his cherished wife, my mother's sister, passed away nearly 20 years before. My uncle had a lady friend who we knew wished he'd marry her but he was a 'one woman man' in that department, treated my aunt like a queen, as he also did with his platonic lady friend; they enjoyed each other's company, lived in the same apt building but kept separate living quarters, everything respectable and their level of intimacy was nobody's business but theirs.

How sad. Please be charitable towards your father. What harm is he doing? Do you resent his enjoying his last years? I don't think you have to fear possible future heirs.

Good for him and the 5 ladies. They have someone to do things with!! As people age, lonliness is a big problem. I am happy for them.
If Dad was dating one lady, I would think that should concern you more. Dad's just enjoying life. Be happy for him!