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He has moderate dementia and was discharged from the hospital less than 48 hours ago after being treated there for a week for a UTI. The evening before discharge he was sitting in the recliner eating his dinner. Now he is sleeping all the time, no fever, good color, not coherent, and my biggest concern, not taking fluids. He has 24 hr care and a visiting nurse and an in-house Dr who just started and doesn’t know him. The nurse thinks he should be on hospice. His regular GP is out of town. Where do I turn for help for him? He’s a tough guy and very determined and I know he would want me to help him get through this infection but I feel his medical staff want to give up on him.

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My experience is that 93 was actually the turning point for my two elders who were very long lived. When my much loved first MIL had a major problem at 93, I had a straightforward suggestion from a doctor that I should ‘let her go’. I was quite upset at this, as up until then she had been ‘herself’. It was down hill all the way from there. She lived to nearly 100, with the last four years being exactly what she didn’t want. Looking back, perhaps she would have preferred to go when she was still ‘herself’. It’s a very difficult adjustment even to think about, and you have my sympathy.

Perhaps this is a reminder to let your father tell you his own preferences for the remainder of this life. Most of us say that we would prefer quality to quantity, but the actual decisions are very hard. It's easier to consider in advance.
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Sooner, is your dad in a facility or at home? I’m a little confused by the “in-house doctor”. Bear in mind that at Dad’s age, or at any age really, a stint in the hospital takes a lot out of a person. Hospitals are busy, noisy places where someone is always busting into your room to poke and/or prod you and ask you questions you don’t understand. Your dad is probably exhausted and still not feeling all that well. Give him a few days to recoup. When his own pcp is back, talk with him/her for their opinion. If he crashes, he can always go back to the ER.
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Great answer, Ahmijoy!

Sooner55, try to hydrate him any way you can (crushed ice, fruits, water, nutritional supplement if his appetite was adversely by the antibiotic and hospital ordeal. Preventing dehydration is a big part of his care now that he is home *especially* after a bad UTI.

That said, allow him to rest. It’ll take weeks for your dad at his age to bounce back from a UTI, the hospitalization, and the disruption in his routine. It’s alright if he rests. Help him get up and about to wash up and use the BR during the day to assure he’s not sitting all day and doing nothing. Don’t let him become immobile and just stay in bed, but realize rest is essential for his well being coming offf his UTI.

At 93, maybe he’s just plain tired. Let him rest and try to recoup. Maybe assess his quality of life going forward for Palliative or Hospice care if he doesn’t improve.
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