Should I feel this way?

Dear Sandy, was Mom discharged from Hospice so that she could have a uti or other infection cleared up? If that's the case, can she be reevaluated for hospice care now, while in rehab?

I don't see how anyone can take care of a cancer patient AND a dementia patient.you have to look after your own health, or no one will be getting your care or advocacy.

Yes, you should start the Medicaid process tomorrow, while mom is still in rehab. They may be able to assist you and find her a Medicaid - pending bed.

We are none of us Superwoman, although you seem to be doing a pretty good imitation of it! Your first duty is to your husband right now. Mom will do fine in care with you as her loving daughter and advocate. (((Hugs!)))))))

. Fourteen years is longer than most caregivers can keep up the pace; you are dangerously close to being one of the 30% of caregivers who die before their patients do. Your primary concern should be your own survival. You are no Spring Chicken yourself. So you start the Medicaid application and the VA application if she is the widow of a wartime veteran. In previous generations, children were caring for parents at a much younger age. People born in the US in 1930 have a life expectancy of 60. So past that, every day is a gift from God. Your mother may have cared for her own parents when she was in her thirties or forties. Today we are in our 60's and it is just not physically feasible for us to care for someone in their 80's. You have done your part.

Sandy contact me...

"Should I feel this way?" is usually the wrong question - you DO feel that way, and there is likely a reason for it...but you are asking really, is it a good reason or a bad one? I think you suspect, as do the rest of us, it is a good one...sure, you love her, but there is only one of you and too much care for one person to give with no help, and you don't need a life that is way way harder and more stressful than it has to be. Get the Medicaid application in. Then see about community waiver and in-home supports if you want to give home care a try...you also need, legitimately need, time and energy to support and make good memories with your husband. You need to survive, and your marriage is important, and your life is not supposed to turn into an endurance contest.

There are people here who have found that being able to provide care in their own home has not been easy but has been a blessing; there are others that have found it is hell on earth, for reasons out of their control as caregivers; there are some who have found that using a facility lets them stay involved and have pleasant experiences with their loved one much more so than while trying to provide 100% of care personally; there are some who have used facility care and supervised from a distance or even gone no-contact. Any of those options can prove to be the most loving and appropriate choice and there are many things to consider. Without the Medicaid application, you may not have all the options you need. You did well to get the eldercare attorney consultation and that's a huge plus going forward. What mom wants, or thinks she wants, may not be best or might not even be possible. Pray, think, talk with hubby, don't let false guilt eat you up.

Sandy we were friends awhile back. I ended up putting mom on Medicaid as she ran out of $ and completely broke cause if it.if you r thinking of putting get on Medicaid do it now as it's a very long process. I had to stop hiring and firing caregivers cause it was just to much for me. I put her in a foster home yesterday. Im glad I did as she wasn't at all getting quality care. She can't talk now cause she keeps having strokes. Is she mss at me, oh yes but I had to do it. I couldn't keep going on my health has progressed. Im not sorry I put her in. She blew had Medicaid and just got on hospice. I think about u often and wish ud contact me..
Linda

Sorry about typos. But I'm glad I ended up doing what I did. Even if mom is steaming mad at me. She now has Medicaid and hospice....miss u..Linda