Follow
Share

My mother spent about 3 weeks in behavorial health where she was diagnosed with moderate dementia and a personality disorder. She moved into a nursing home 5 minutes from me because her doctor said she needs to be in a skilled nursing facility. She also is partially confined to a wheelchair with peripheal neuropathy and only walks short distances with a walker and much assistance. Otherwise she is healthy with no body system issues (heart, lungs, etc. all in good shape).


She is fairly clear some days, mean as can be others. It's like flipping a light switch. She has always had a cell phone until I took it recently. She calls and leaves me very hurtful, nasty messages and this past Sunday she had a complete meltdown, threatening to call the police on me and her sitter. That's when I took the cell phone. She also tells others that we're trying to kill her and are stealing her money. Now she's asking for her phone and I don't know what to say. Her doctor's PA said to tell her she's too confused to have a phone right now but I know if I say that she will go balistic! I'm an only child and she has always intimidated me some, but now it's a lot worse. Every time I try to stand up to her about anything she becomes meaner to me and trashes me to anybody that will listen. I am seeing a therapist and she has told me to limit my visits to only twice and week and for only 5 minutes at the time. I go and talk to nurses and peep at her if I don't actually visit. Her sitter is wonderful and keeps me informed, although gives me a little too much information sometimes. Meant to add I am her POA. Thanks for any ideas.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Don't take your mother's cellphone away. Delete voicemails without listening to them - you can call her back, you don't need hear nasty messages meanwhile. Block her number if you like, and let other consenting adults do the same if they like. If the police and emergency services get too annoyed with her, THEY can take her phone away; but if you do it you're isolating her and that could conceivably get you into trouble.

Peripheral neuropathy does not happen out of the blue. Does your mother have any difficulties with diabetes, or perhaps with her weight?
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

If it were me I'd choose no cell phone for your mom. Doesn't the facility provide a land-line in her room? That's what my MIL has. The only use for your mom's cell phone is apparently to call and torment you. Why put up with that? And pay for it, besides? It also opens up the possibility of scammers contacting her without your knowing it. Just tell her you are arranging to have a phone installed in her room (a land line). Then do not give out any numbers of people she will call and possibly also torment. Just your number, and you do not have to answer all her calls. You may eventually decide she doesn't really need a phone. My MIL no longer calls out because even though we've written our numbers on a whiteboard in her room, it just doesn't register in her mind to call us. When she first got into the facility she had her old address book and called everyone in it, several times a day because she couldn't remember she had already called them. Yikes. We only found out when her friends called us to let us know. I'm an only child too and I totally get how this is impacting you (except the intimidation by an 85-yr old thing). Eventually your mom will get over this hump. She doesn't control you unless you allow her. So, don't allow her. Be strong! Wishing you wisdom and peace in your heart over this decision.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Sometimes peripheral neuropathy DOES happen out of the blue. BOTH of my parents, with no weight issues or diabetes, had (Dad passed in 2015) and have it, with no evident cause, and both of them wound up in wheelchairs as a result. Sometimes chemical exposure can cause nerve damage which leads to neuropathy.

I would tell mother her cell phone is broken and cannot be replaced. Lots of people in memory care communities are unable to have a phone anymore for obvious reasons. The POA is the one to determine if their loved one is capable enough to have a phone. In your mother's case, I'd say no. You can still stay connected to her, if you wish, by calling the community directly and asking to either speak directly to her, or, to get a report on how she's doing. If the visits are THAT toxic, I'd limit them to once a week (which is how often I visit my mother in memory care) and stay until the drama amps up and then leave.

Another option, of course, is to block her number and delete voice mails, but the temptation to listen to them might get too great. You are not 'isolating' your mother by taking away her cell phone, and you will not 'get into trouble' by doing so. MANY residents of NHs and Memory Care communities are without telephones for obvious reasons. My aunt, for instance, kept calling 911 saying Help Me and finally, my cousin had to take her phone out of her room in Assisted Living. I work in a Memory Care community where about 25% of the residents have a phone in their room; and the ones who do have landlines. As long as the facility has a phone, that's all you need.

Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

I have a different perspective, based perhaps on an overly cautious and documenting attitude.    I log all my calls, incoming and outgoing (just as I did when I worked for law firms)  including those that might be offensive.    Over the years, I've learned that some people can't be trusted and claim to have called when they didn't.   

I don't do this in the anticipation of battling anyone, but when someone claims they called and said x,y,z, I can check my records.  It's absolutely necessary when dealing with business issues, but very helpful for family relations as well.    And there have been times when I wished I'd never returned a call on my cell as I can't write while talking, as it gives me a neck ache, and ear plugs hurt my ears.  And I can only rely on memories of that particular explosive conversation.

But there have been times when I wished I had some way to record specific conversations for documenting purposes, especially when it's someone who changes his/her mind and later makes false claims.

In your particular case, I can understand the frustration of being verbally attacked, but I think there's also merit in documenting those calls, just in case....I can't think of anything that might arise from this, unless it's that someone unfamiliar with your mother's hostility becomes involved, thinks this is something new, and decides to take action.

CYA can very often be a good approach; in these caregiving situations, one never knows what arises.   And there was one situation in which I was glad that I documented outsiders who I later realized seemed to be attempting to create a case for failure to properly care for my father.  

I thought their comments were peculiar at the time, then I began to see a pattern.   With all my records, I could read back and see how this developed, and that helped me realize that these people seemed to be laying the foundation for improper care (and their filing of guardianship/conservatorship to get at my father's funds.)

(This was also when they advised that, contrary to previous offers of support, they decided at that time that they would not offer any help inside the house.  This was a time when we needed help the most, and put a lot more pressure on me.)    I could just imagine $$$$ in their mindset.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

My option would be no to the cell phone. I am very glad you are seeing a therapist with this very wise advice. You will have to set boundaries and limits with your Mom or she will continue. You can in fact know that her sitter knows how to do this. It is much like having a two-year old. You would not let them run rampant with any old decision they want to make--right? Neither should you with an adult who is not in full command of her own faculties. I would use a therapeutic lie, such as some mentioned below. It is broken and they are attempting to fix it; it may not be fixable. We will see, it is being sent out to get fixed, and so on.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I wont get my mom one even though sometimes people say to,, because she wont figure it out.. but more importantly,, I watched my 96 YO FIL cling to his for years.. and once he moved in with BIL,, it NEVER rang. nada, nope, at all. He would call his "friends",, who were all tired of his b*tching, and would never call him back. It about broke his heart. Who is going to call my mom? Her few friends from her old area have disappeared, She and my relatives talk on the landline we keep for her as we can put it LOUD speaker.. she can hear them! She would not text,, I show all the FB family stuff.. it works for us.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

She's using the cell phone as a weapon, so yes, I'd consider removing it - without guilt!
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

You could change your number in her phone to a strip club, then when she calls you to be ugly she gets the wrong number.

It is okay to tell her to stop being mean and nasty. Let her blow up, you hang up or walk away. Tell her you will talk to her when she can be civil. Then enforce that boundary.

You do not have to accept her abuse, you can protect yourself.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report
pamzimmrrt Sep 2019
That is hysterical!! I love it!!
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
What do you expect to gain from ”standing up” to her? Do you expect her to stop what she’s doing and start making “nice” phone calls?

She has dementia. Dementia means no fully functioning filters. Don’t “tell her” you’re discontinuing her phone service. If it makes you uncomfortable to listen to her, discontinue it, or don’t answer her calls, or answer her calls and quickly say you are too busy to talk or your door bell just rang or whatever.

As long as you are doing what is best for your mom and her welfare, you have absolutely NO REASON to care WHAT she says, since you know that it is NOT your mom but rather her dementia that is talking.

It is VERY difficult to hear the comments of someone who you dearly love speaking harshly of you. At such times you (and I) must focus on the memories of the good times and, in love, stay strong and not interact or be a part of the uncharacteristic hostility.

Dementia in any form is a dreadful cruel curse. There are times when the only thing we can do is circumvent it or rise above it.
I have never seen a single instance in which dementia responded positively to a challenge from a loved one.
Helpful Answer (15)
Report

I see no reason for a Dementia patient in the stage your mother is in needing a cell phone or a landline. If she is harrassing you, she is harassing others. You don't need this added stress. Even if you ignore her calls, you know she has called.

And why a sitter? Mornings are usually busy thru lunch. If a good LTC, there should be afternoon activities to keep her busy. Then dinner and getting residents ready for bed.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Thank you all for your quick responses and good advice. I don't know why I'm struggling so much with this except fear of her reaction. Also, I can't help but feel a little sorry for her at times no matter what horrible things she's said and done. She hates my husband (they never really liked each other) and in her dementia she has tried to destroy us both and our marriage by trashing us, telling lies, and sharing confidential things to anyone that would listen. It's very hard to feel the same about someone, even your mother, when you are betrayed by that person. She even tried to get to my boys on the phone not long ago but being grown now they knew how to handle it and I had coached them with the help of my therapist about how to respond to her. I could tell some things that would curl your toenails. Shehas said to me "I used to love you" and "Go to hell". Not to mention the times she reminded me of how much she and my daddy have done for me. He would never have said that as he was a wonderful father to me. They did do a lot for me, but don't think it was anymore than other parents might do for children they love. In turn, I'll have to say I was always there for them as they aged. I actually moved my mother back and forth from one facility to another each time something happened to her.... at least 13 times since my daddy died in 2006 while she was living alone and insisted to stay in her home. Unfortunately she doesn't remember a lot of that now and to her credit she did used to thank me for those times I had to drop everything, find someone to care for my then young boys. Some of her sarcastic comments started way back. Yes, at 85 she can still intimidate me a little but not as much as early on. My husband says I'm "light years" ahead of how I used to handle the stress. She really flusters the sitter sometimes and she's excellent with my mother! She makes sure my mother eats, brushes her teeth morning and night and basically is her advocate. Frankly, the sitter takes a lot off me and gives me more peace of mind. She is pretty much helpless with the neuropathy. She has had this disease for several years and no doctor has ever been able to determine a cause. Although my mother will probably have another meltdown, my family and I think "isolating" her is not a worry since we hold the view that having a cell phone is a privilege, and shouldn't be expected. I haven't seen anyone else in this facility with one. There is a phone in the hallway and she has called me on it once since taking hers. That was a real nasty call too, and, yes, I do have recordings of several of her voicemails although I haven't kept written records of calls. Didn't think of that and too late now. I'm really close to cutting service but can't seem to get the courage. It would eliminate a small bill every month and anything is a help given what's going out (her money) each month! This site is so helpful and I appreciate your comments, even if they sting a little!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
jjmummert Sep 2019
My mom is 93, I am her only child, and I still fear her reactions from time to time. I am growing a thicker skin, seeing a therapist about once per month, and I fully get what you are going through.

No cell phone. It causes too much pain for all involved. No one at my mom's place has one, and if residents want to call someone, staff will assist them with the facility's cordless phone. Staff may also be able to redirect the request to make a call, especially if they think she is on one of her angry jaunts.
(7)
Report
I vote for not giving back the cell phone. The possible bad outcomes override the good overall; it could be outright stolen from her, she could give out sensitive information to an unscrupulous caller, and/or she could keep calling and harassing you, and you have to keep paying for that service, to boot! You're the boss, applesauce. I had an overbearing mother, as well. It was so shocking to see her deteriorate with the disease, and I was an only child as well.
She probably feels anxious and knows that she is loosing her faculties, so she lashes out at those closest. I'm sorry you're having to go through this stage. Soon, she won't be able to use a phone or even ask about it any longer. My mother passed away about a year ago and I'm still recovering from the entire experience. Please update us and let us know how you handled "the phone fury". Take care and know that you are not completely alone. It's great that this community exists.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Or just pull the SIM card out so it doesn’t work...perhaps the comfort of just holding the phone is what helps her. My dad is in LTC, never calls, doesn’t answer his, and every time I see him I just check the call logs to see what / who have called and always the same. He just wants to “be able” to communicate. As he declines, I’ll pull the SIM card so he can’t accidentally do something, or get caught up in some of these awful telemarketer calls.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I took my mums phone away after she called emergency services and told them her son had been attacked and was lying upstairs unconscious. It was pne og her many inaccurate 'memories' He had popped our to the shop and had to make a very apologetic call to cancel the ambulance. The gunny thing was that the operator didnt believe him and kept asking how he felt.
I agree with others who said disable the phone or block your number. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I think you have your answer to keep the cell phone away from her. Cancel the contract and tell her it’s broken. If you cancel the contract, you can give it to her but it won’t work. I too would be worried about scammers and robo calls. My dad wanted one when he’d see others in AL with one, but I was always able to do a therapeutic fib and tell him I’d look into it and then of course I didn’t. I also would block my dad,s calls from his landline in the evening so I could have peace and quiet during dinner and watching shows. I knew if it was an emergency the staff would call me. Once he was in rehab and then in the LTC wing, I took away his land line. He never really questioned it. Sometimes he will ask the nurse to call me and usually it’s a complaint of some kind..but that’s really rare now. The question is...does she need a phone? No. Is her having a phone causing issues? Yes. So keep it and you already know she will be upset but just expect that and say it’s broken and I’m looking into it. Rinse and repeat each time. It works!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I went through the same thing with my mom, and I took the phone away from her. She could use the phone at the nurse's station for emergency phone calls if needed. Otherwise, she used MY phone when I was there, taking it with me when I left.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My mom was a phone operator for 38 years. In retirement the phone was still her go to for EVERYTHING. She called the police too many times by mistake, trying to call the number for time and temperature. Now in assisted living she has a land line, but no longer knows how to use it. I seldom call her, as I visit her every day. I watch as people adjust to this assisted living situation and they all want to make the phone calls to complain and blame. My mom did at first. And she did when she was in her own home even to complain about the home care she was receiving or ask how to turn the heat up. She called me at work, in the middle of the night, during dinner, whatever, for the tiniest little things. All of those calls have stopped now. So for you too it may pass. As long as your mom has a phone available to her in the hall, tell her the cell phone broke and you are trying to get it fixed. Eventually she will forget. Hopefully. And that might be the end of that kind of abuse (with some other issue coming up for you to deal with of course :-) Please don't worry about the complaints to others about you. They know the stories aren't true.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

if she is in a nursing home, why would she need a cell phone. They have phones in the room. Cell phone subscriptions do cost money--save it for the next doctor appointment cost of transport, or hair cut.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Harpcat Sep 2019
My dad's nursing home doesn’t have phones in the room. We would have to supply it and pay the phone bill for it. So needless to say, he didn’t get a phone.
(0)
Report
My mom is in AL with Alzheimer’s. I took her phone away immediately as she was answering random calls and accidentally signing up for things that cost $$.
she complains of no phone, but she had no one that she would call except me, and the facility let’s her use the phone if she needs to. And that way she is supervised while doing so..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm kind of in the same boat, BUT I have no say over mother's day-to-day care.

Brother cut off the landline and got everyone in the house cellphones (him, wife, 5 kids and mother).

Mother has been completely clueless about how to operate her cell phone, has had several 'styles' and the problem isn't the phones! it's her dementia, which she hides pretty well.

She can only 'take' incoming calls and then only when she has the phone right by her, which is never. It is always in a state if 'lost' and 'dead'. She's left it all over the place and when it's dead--well, it's a game of hide and seek. She is totally unable to make outgoing calls--that part of her brain is 'gone'.

She would be FINE if brother would 'let' her have a landline. But he won't. It's a power things with him, keeping her under his thumb. W/O the phone she ca barely use, he can control to whom she speaks and what she's saying.

We are not close and the phone thing has added to that. If I call her, which I used to do on regular basis, she would NEVER answer it, but might eventually find and see she has a bunch of missed calls (mostly from her one friend, who just calls incessantly on the off chance mother might actually pick up). Then she has to have one of the grandkids come into her apt and do the actual calling.


The cell phone, for mother, has been a true nightmare. On the rare occasion she'd answer, she'd sometimes get a telemarketer and she doesn't understand to simply hang up on them--she'd get so flustered she'd start crying.

I tried to get her landline back, but brother grew so angry and belligerent about it, I gave up and told mother it was her problem.

In a way, it's a blessing. She never called me before, really, maybe twice a year, and now I never ever hear from her.

If your mom has a landline in her room she should be using that. Cell phones are a pain, although I have had one for years. I don't LIKE it, and I may be the last person on earth who will have a landline. :)

Trying to help someone with dementia to work a cell phone has been one of my epic fails in life. My 16 mo grandson could use mother's phone better than she can.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Jada824 Sep 2019
Your brother sounds like a control freak like mine! Power hungry!
(2)
Report
My mother calls constantly, sometimes as soon as she hangs up she dials again. There are cell phone apps available that let you have a separate # and voice mail. I use that for my mom who is in assisted living so I know she is safe. I set up the voice mail message to say the things she likes to hear. Then programmed her phone to call this separate number that only she has. She can leave as many messages as she likes. I made sure I don’t get alerts every time she calls. That message alert sound and the content of the messages was giving me constant anxiety. Now I check the number of messages periodically and if it gets too high I call the assisted living team to see if she is ok and if it would help them if I talked to her for a moment to help refocus. I don’t listen to the voice mails. Mom is just venting frustration or trying to get attention. That frustration is really about the things she says in the message it is frustration or anxiety about what dementia is doing to her, she just doesn’t know how to say it anymore. It can be horrible to hear that you are the biggest mistake that ever happened to her or whatever your mother is saying that hurts you specifically, so protect yourself. My mom knows all the buttons to push in the phone message, but when she sees me in person she has no idea she left the message and tells me that I am wonderful for all I do for her. Eventually my mom kept losing the cellphone so I set up a land line with a phone model that has preprogrammed numbers with big buttons and pictures of who to call. Be sure to tell the people on those numbers what you are doing. If she is in an assisted living or memory care situation program the emergency services number to you own number so the paramedics don’t respond to false emergencies. The care team will make sure emergencies are handled appropriately.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Rhomade Sep 2019
Thank you for this response. I have similar issues and this helped!
(0)
Report
My daughter, RN in rehab/NHs, says if you take Moms cell away, make sure the DON knows. According to DD, when a cell goes "missing" an investigation has to be done only to find a family member took it.

To me, a parent having to call and leave messages with no response is causing anxiety on their part. Is this fair? Better u just take it away. Tell them a little white lie. They need to acclimate themselves to their new home.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm not understanding why she would need a cell phone in a facility, especially if she's just going to be acrimonious to you. No to the cell phone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My Mom has a Jitterbug phone in her AL, $25 a month. I can add or delete phone numbers for her but I seem to be the only one she calls! Usually at 10 pm on a Sunday night to tell me she has lost something or is out of some vital necessity.

As her dementia progresses she seems to cling to the phone. It seems to be one of the few things she has control over, giving her some sense of independence. So I just grit my teeth and say I will take care it of whatever it is tomorrow hoping she will forget the issue. I depend on the AL staff to call if there is a true problem.

Can I suggest you set a specific ring tone for your mom’s number and a different one for the homes? That way you can screen the calls for the truest important ones and listen to your mom’s messages or just delete them when they get nasty.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I’m sooo familiar with this too. My mom has parkinson dementia and a personality disorder too. She’s in an AL. Her phone is the one thing that she has left. I cannot take that from her right now. It’s just to much guilt for me to deal with right now with my situation. She also is very alert and can have many normal conversations with her friends still. So she still benefits from it. But she abuses me with the phone by calling me numerous times and leaves me desperate, disturbing messages begging me to take her home. She has an aide too so I know she’s fine. I have blocked her phone number. And I’ve let my voice mail be full so she ( and no one else) can leave me msgs. Anyone who calls me, I have logged into my contacts so I know who calls and I can pick up. My mom will then call my aunt begging her to get ahold of me. I now have blocked my aunt. My mom has tried to call the police to get ahold of me too. But the AL controls that. It’s very abusive, the phone. But I have control over the situation now by blocking my phone while still letting her have her freedom of having a phone to call her friends. That I can handle right now because I visit her often and know that she’s okay. This is a very, very difficult situation that you are dealing with - many deep emotions so I sympathize with you and realize it’s not easy to take things away from your loved one even though others say to do. it makes sense to take the phone away. But the deep guilt and pain that we caregivers feel is sometimes unbearable. So do what’s best for you. God bless you on your journey.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My husband was diagnosed with beginning alzheimer's two years ago. I've turned off his cell phone on the side of the phone, he still brings it with, when we go out. It makes him feel connected.
The reasoning was that he and I both were receiving robocalls. I am his POA and didn't want him to make the mistake of getting hoodwinked by people. He doesn't seem to mind. That's just him. When he's irritable and wants to argue, I step away and let him calm down. That's the only real way to stay sane!
If you can let go of the past hurts, that's one giant step for your wellbeing! Understanding that what your mother is saying to you, is not important to you anymore. Sometimes this works. Make your visits brief. Agree when you can, and change the subject if it's getting to intense.
You can only change yourself, by taking care of you! I hope you find the way to take your mother in strides.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It is not that unusual for people with dementia suddenly become abusive to their LO’s. I know this is easy to say and incredibly hard to do - but try not to take it personally. You know the truth - hold on to that. The sitters and caretakers at her AL or MC are familiar with this situation and do not think you are horrible or abusive. Hang in there. You know the truth.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Definitely take away cell phone. Any PHONE SCAMMER could call and make all your Mother's money disappear $$$$ Have the sitter call you if your Mother wants to speak to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Theras Sep 2019
I'm new to this site so not sure how to reply to all. I'm picking you LonelyOnlyChild because I can really relate! It can be lonely without much family when you're saddled with so much responsibility. In answer to all the great responses ( also appreciative of the 2 or 3 that said not to take the phone) I did cancel service last night. Her doctor agreed with me saying she had no need of a phone as she is in a safe place with a sitter and there is a landline in the hall she can use. Seemed to me that in a true personal emergency, she couldn't call me anyway. Someone else would. I still have her phone and she thinks it's being "fixed" so not sure what I'll decide about actually giving or not giving the physical object back to her. I feel relief with a little guilt (a given with my mother) but confident I did what had to be done eventually and threatening to call the police did it. Thanks to all!!!
On another subject that also involves years old guilt, is anyone else dreading the upcoming holidays? I've always loved Thanksgiving and Christmas but holidays of any kind have been a personal strain for a long time. The first year my husband and I were engaged we had Thanksgiving at separate family gatherings. We married late in life and neither of us were brave enough to break away from tradition. After marriage, it was a constant juggling act and my mother always expected me to be home. I wanted to be there too but some of that feeling was pressure and knowing it would be bad for me if I didn't. Thankfully, the families live in close proximity so we could manage both in one day but was still exhausting at times. Anyway, I wake up every morning lately with a knot in my stomach. My mother is in a wheelchair and I can't manage her on my own. I've offered several times to get her out for lunch like we used to but she refuses because she doesn't want the sitter along. I can't manage her by myself because I have a lower back issue. I really hate to ask my husband and 2 sons to get her up the stairs of our house which involves lifting her chair and all up some high steps! It's risky and then she's very likely going to act up and ruin our day. She didn't want to even come to my house last mother's day when I asked her to because she doesn't want to be around my husband but then complained to her sitter that she wasn't invitied. It's going to be impossible I think for all of us to be in the same room together so all of us going over to the nursing home probably isn't going to work. Then I have the guilt of her not having much of a Thanksgiving/Christmas. I know....It's my fault for feeling guilty but I'll bet there are others on this site that know how I feel. All her siblings have been long gone. Neices and nephews are all scattered and live in different cities/states. It's so hard being the only one and practically the only family she has left. Thanks again!!!
(1)
Report
I too took my mom's phone away but I had the staff fiddle with it so it wouldn't work so I was taking it away to be 'fixed' - it was really unplugged & I never brought it back - this was requested by mom's lawyer who she called 9 times on 1 week-end & I got a bill for the lawyer's time for $250+

Can you take out the battery? so that has it & can't use it so that you need to take it away for fixing - it would be good if there a way to only let it be usable for short times ... check that out - most people who she will call know she has dementia & is fine despite what she says about her situation, you etc
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I guess it's a preference. I had to trust that when my mom was calling me at all hours and saying it was an emergency that it might not actually be. When the staff called then I knew it was important to answer. Then there were times I needed to speak to her but couldn't get her either on her phone (because she lost it or it was not charged) or the staff phone and that was frustrating. I paid to put a land line in her room. It helped some. I visited frequently but also learned not to stay for hours. She'd say hurtful things and push every little personal button of mine. I was convinced she knew what she was doing. Still, I didn't miss visits and steeled myself everytime to understand she wasn't trying to give me a hard time, she was having a hard time. I lost her this past July. Now, I wish she had a phone. Go figure. Much encouragement to you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter