My mother had 3 strokes 6 years ago and is miraculously doing well; most people don't notice changes. I do. And, I notice more changes recently. She just turned 81 last week.
The changes are not "Who are you?" or anything that severe. However, they concern me. I make her angry when I tell her I notice changes. She feels like she can't do anything right then I feel like crap because that is not my intent.
She suffers from nerve pain as well (not sciatica or anything of that nature - much worse) so that adds to a cognitive functioning loss; pain diminishes her functioning and everything else is so difficult.
She takes 2 pain meds once a day and I think it adds to some sort of diminishing capacity.
I don't know how to handle all these changes. I am an only child. I have therapy once a week online, but sometimes I feel like I need it daily.
I just retired 3 months ago and moved in part-time with my mom and part-time with my partner/boyfriend of 15 years. I'm glad I did, but it's hard too because she's cluttered and loses things a lot and is so much slower.
She still drives safely in the neighborhood, goes to the cafe, bookstore, and the flower shop. But I worry all the time.
I just need a forum to vent and hopefully get support.
Take care of YOU, my friend. All the best.
I guess the way I express myself in the written word was taken a bit too far. I don't sit and worry and have health problems - not who I am. My health problems came and went well before my mom aged, and before I aged too. I am not making myself sick. I wish I hadn't written anything.
I am living my life. I travel and do other things as well.
Thanks.
You are retired - congratulations on having more time for yourself! Please schedule in daily time for self care - reading, walking (or other form of physical activity), enjoying nature, a hobby, etc. As lealonnie1 said- you will handle issues that arise with Mom as they come. No need to worry ahead of time ...
This online support group is available daily and has certainly helped me. Search around for a caregiver support group by contacting local hospitals.
Wishing you all the best. Post us on your progress.
Yes, worrying ahead of time is one of my strengths, and faults!
You are going to have to accept your limitations. Explore that with your on line person.
You can't cure this. You can't fix this. This won't get better. And you have expressed it so well. So I know you see and understand this.
So. Your limitations. Know what they are. Start to journal. Start to decide "when". Some men aren't talkers; if yours is, tell your concerns, and try to come together on what will make you have to consider placement. It could be years off. You don't know how fast things can progress, or how slowly. So you cannot guess. But when you are there more than you are with your partner? You know then you are losing your life quite literally.
Discuss things with your Mom if she is able. If she is not, don't whisper a word. The former is the more likely. Come together with your partner with a plan. Who will be POA, what circumstances indicate that placement is necessary. Be willing to talk about it. If you have to set a time "30 minutes every Friday evening with a glass of wine" then do that.
I trust you will know. Do NOT expect you can fix things. Not everything can be fixed. Do not expect things can be happy all the time. Mom is starting a decline. Things will often NOT be happy. Do not expect to be a Sainted Martyr. They always get little thanks and are expected through eternity to answer the prayers of us all.
I wish you so much luck. I think you know what you are seeing, what you are feeling, and you are trying to plan ahead. That is great. But also know that some monkey wrench is gonna get thrown at you any second. Be ready to duck. You have my heart. Keep updating us.
Do what you can to set things in motion for a clear POA, or DPOA for financial and health care. Discuss with Mom what she wants if she passes out and "goes" on you. Get together with her and her Doc. Try to make a solid base on which to flounder about (as we all do). I FEEL you trying to do everything right. Know that, in this, some will be more wrong than you could ever imagine; that's OK. Do what you can. Stick around the forum and read. Wishing you all the luck in the world going forward.