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I thought with dementia they forgot things but with O ( I can’t give name sorry) stories seem stuck on repeat. Almost a year ago people helped with cutting of trees off her property. She watched off porch, instead of wood being hauled to dump it was taken to someone who could use it and she for some reason has accused them of stealing that wood and wants a gun to kill them. (She tells everyone including her doctor.) Her doctor wanted her placed into a hospital but her daughter refused at that time until this last 2 weeks and her Mom has been calling cops daily saying lies. Saying she is being beat (when everyone else is sleeping) or they are trying to kill her. It’s gotten very bad and serious. So this next week things are being looked into to see if she can get some serious help. My question for daughter is what causes this in first place? I tried showing them this site. I read things here then tell them what I read to help out.

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To clarify an earlier post, I did not mean to imply that these delusions should be "indulged" or that other people should be allowed to believe the false memories, especially if harm to them could result. Anyone who is threatened should be able to get protection. I never meant to imply that her false beliefs should be accepted.

But I can, and do, say that openly correcting this woman is an exercise in futility and will only cause her further agitation. She suffers from an organic disease. She has not consciously manufactured a lie. Often a skillful change of subject proves a good temporary diversion.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 2022
Sometimes changing the subject works and many times it doesn't. When they're in a dementia loop and fixated on something there's no getting them away from it no matter what you try.
That's when the people around the person have to just start ignoring whatever the topic is. Maybe it's stealing, maybe it's something else. Ignoring with love is sometimes the only way.
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Sounds like your grandmother is exhibiting something called "confabulation". It is a symptom, not a disease. It's not uncommon in the elderly, especially those with Alzheimer's disease which affects the memory.

It's not intentional lying. If, for some reason, the details of a memory are incomplete, a person may unconsciously fill in missing details with incorrect information. For example, it IS true that trees were cut down. But it is NOT true that there was theft involved. However, since grandma doesn't remember the entire incident accurately, she fills in imagined details that seem to complete the story. And, as far as she is aware, her account is correct.

Consequently, it is not helpful to contradict her, or try to provide facts that she honestly doesn't remember. She'll only feel threatened because she's thoroughly convinced she's correct.

I've encountered this a few times but I'm no expert. (You might want to consult someone in the mental health field). It's probably best to just redirect her when she speaks of this, change the subject, get her talking about something else. She's not likely to remember much of the conversation afterward, especially if you don't let her dwell on it. That's not to say she won't repeat her account again at another time and place. She probably will. Perhaps you'll get a chance to warn others, beforehand, that she may not have all her facts right due to brain damage in her past.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 2022
Dosmo,

I disagree. Sometimes it's okay to indulge a demented senior in their delusion if it's harmless.
The delusions the elder the OP is talking about are not harmless. They are dangerous to not just her but the people around her.
I've had many elderly care clients with dementia who made up stories of being abused, starved, and stolen from. You correct that every time. If someone accuses someone of theft and it isn't true, correct them simply. 'That is not true. I will not discuss with you anymore' was my go-to response. With excessive repeating, answer a question a few times then stop answering it. If you answer the same question a thousand times it makes no difference.
Sometimes it's a good idea to inform the local police when there's a demented senior making accusations, just as a head's up. The ones who make the false accusations more often than not are also cop callers.
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Unfortunately, some dementia is like that. Give the police and emergency workers a lot of kudos for being to sort though the calls they get.

Thankfully, these people are not driving. Hopefully, they do not have access to weapons of destruction either.

The mother needs to be admitted to somewhere where she cannot potentially harm others, verbally or physically. She already harming those around her with her emotional outbursts. Tough, tough times for the family and those around them. Prayers...
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Neighbor1: The diseased mindset of purchasing a gun by an individual with dementia is a scary ideology.
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There is not much of anything that you can do except support the daughter as much as you can. You need to be careful about how much you get involved to avoid making yourself vulnerable.She should talk with the police about what is going on. She should probably talk with elder care attorney to look into developing POA [financial and health], talk with local Dept. of aging, consider counseling for herself to assist in addressing the issue. She also should talk with mother's doctors[s]. {NOTE: they will need release from mother to talk in any meaningful way.] She probably needs to look into at least assisted living and steps needed to get in. Are there any other family members [siblings, etc.]
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Question: Do Psychiatric hospitals take Dementia patients? I believe the accusations could cause a lot of legal issues for the accused and could be prevented if she can get medications that help her. Perhaps Adult Protective Services, in your area, could advise on how to get her help and prevent her from becoming a public nuisance with her phone calls and accusations.

Somewhere on this forum, I read that if she is left at the hospital, then they will be responsible for getting her placed appropriately. Anyone out there who has actually done this successfully?????
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TChamp Apr 2022
Psychiatric facilities do treat patients with psychosis from dementia. Once the psychosis is under control, they discharge them to family or to a facility for dementia.
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Divert, deflect and distract. That's my motto with my mother. You simply have to change the subject even if it feels like you're being rude. Take a deep breath and say, oh goodness where has the time gone, we forgot to call Aunt Helen back...
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My mom is doing the exact same thing! It is so hard to understand and deal with. I am 3 hours away and she lives with my brother who has basically thrown up his hands on what to do. He does not want to put her in a home, but she is so accusative and sticks with the story forever! She saw her 30-year-old grandson coming in the back door as he was pulling up his shirt to take it off. He ran into her by accident and then her story is that he pulled up his shirt and rammed her trying to knock. her down. She has told this story for 2 years now...over and over! Then her 42-year-old granddaughter (which did not happen) comes into her room and started juggling her face creams and then ran with them. Now, she describes photo albums that she says she gave me and wants them back so she can look at her memories. She gave me some photo albums to hold to divide up when she is gone between the 5 of us. Now she will not talk to me and accuses me of holding her albums hostage. She leaves threatening messages on my VM. Her latest says (in the evilest voice) You better call me or I am going to own your house! She does not answer when I do try to call, so I have given up. She was never like this until about 3 years ago when we started noticing her making up stories and repeating them over and over again. Now it is constant. She stopped taking all of her medications about a year ago. It's part of dementia, I guess.
I am so sorry you are having to experience this too! It is so hard!
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ConnieCaretaker Apr 2022
How about having all the pictures copied for you and give her the albums back????? Go to a print shop and find out if they can put an end to your misery.
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Our mom had a bad seizure in 2014 that badly affected her memory. At first, we knew she shouldn't stay in her home, but we didn't realize the scope of the memory impairment. So we helped her move into an independent living apartment. Less than a month in she got sick, had a high fever, called me and when I got there she was incoherent. I took her to the ER. They checked her out then released her. I brought her to my house and it was a terrible night. The next day my sisters and I brought her back to the ER where she was hospitalized for three days. Her doctors told her she could not live alone so we moved her back to her home (thankfully we hadn't gotten it ready to sell yet). One of my younger sisters moved in to care for her. That was eight years ago. To this day, she still, from time to time, reminds me I gave her things away, and it's my fault she an no longer drive, and she wants to get her license back. It's hurtful, but I know it's not reality. It's just how mixed up things got after the seizure. Things have progressed now to the point my sister living with her can no longer care for our mom and we're looking for assisted living. It's so hard knowing our mom wants to stay in her home. :(
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MickiLyn Apr 2022
I feel this. My FIL is a similar story. We tried very hard to help him stay independent as long as possible. After several bad hospital trips we were asked almost accusingly why he was not in care. Because he refused to go or accept help, or follow any kind of care plan. So they had him incapacitated last time as a result. It was decided he couldn't be alone at all, and needs 24 hr. monitoring in a memory care specifically. He is getting good care and the difference in his well being is obvious. The sad thing is he is now stable enough that on good days he accuses us of taking his things and license and not letting him go home, he's in prison ect. But he is well, he is safe and he enjoys the attention there. Still it hurts, a lot. We are out tons just to do the right thing and he hates us for it too often. Sometimes he is happy to see and talk to us but it's a crapshoot. It's not just you, for what it may be worth.
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You are just a neighbor, so this is her family's responsibility. I do hope she gets help before anything becomes dire. If it appears worse, check in with APS.
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Neighbor, If I understood correctly, you were sitting on the porch with the elder lady while “people” were cutting/removing the wood, and in her delusioned memory, you took the wood. The elder lady is angry and looking for someone to blame and punish, and you, Neighbor, are the only familiar face attached to her memory.

In my own personal experience, caring neighbors are few and far between, especially when there’s an elder person with dementia involved whose delusions are wreaking havoc to not just family, but everyone within their reach. In my case, neighbors who “stayed out of it” didn’t let me know about their interactions with my mother, key info that could have helped me get the help and diagnosis she needed sooner.

Neighbor, don’t stop caring, just check in with the elder lady’s family that you’re not overreaching and keep your lines of communication open with them. This situation will have to play out at their speed. However, if you witness elder abuse, call your state’s APS division.
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Well for my wife she was irritated and wake at all times before I couldn’t handle her walking out, angry and just darn hard to care for. Meds helped but not to the extent I needed. I had to put her in a care facility. But there were preventive measures I took before that, like taking her phone, disconnected the battery on her car, and interior child safety door handles.
it seems it maybe time to take her out to dinner, and then to a facility. There’s no excellent facility out there BTW; but some are better. They all make this sound good but the reality of these care facilities is they are there to care for your loved one with a profit right in their face.
after three years of my wife in two facilities, I have brought her home now and have caregivers in my house for 9 hours a day while I work.
I found two caregivers who are excellent in their field. It’s hard to care for so many people in those facilities for one person, though they wish they could.
Hope this helps
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There isn’t anything you can do. If the woman is calling the police and they are going to show up at the door, they will tell the family what the consequences will be if the situation continues.

The daughter + family are in a bit of a pickle. It would be a lot easier if they still lived in their own home wherever it was and convinced the mother to move into a dementia unit. She does need to be checked for a UTI, but if it isn’t that, she may need anxiety medication and to have her access to a phone eliminated.

The delusions the poor lady is suffering from are part of dementia. My MIL has this, but she had them before the dementia really set in due to mental illness. At a certain point, it may become necessary for the police to take her in for an evaluation. They should let it happen and ask for help.

You can do nothing.
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Your neighbor should be checked for a urinary tract infection.

They can cause hallucinations and delirium, they can also increase dementia behavior in seniors. They DO NOT have the same symptoms as young people do when they have one.

Such a difficult situation for everyone involved. Hopefully, you can be a help to the daughter during this time. Friends are so very important for the caregiver.
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This is a paranoid psychosis caused by her dementia. Nothing you can done about it. Perhaps her doctor could prescribe some antipsychotic medicine.
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Advice...
If you are not family. I mean actual DNA, marriage linked family
If you do not have POA
If you are not this persons Guardian
Back off.
What this person does and or says is the families business.
You have given them some information about this site that is as far as you personally should go.
If you think the person is being abused or neglected you can contact APS give information you think is relevant then BACK OFF.

Oh, what causes this...Dementia it can be one or more types of dementia. There can be other underlying medical conditions but...
Since you are not family, you are not POA, you are not a legal Guardian you have no right to this information.
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PattyLuna Apr 2022
I’m confused
She’s just asking for some clarity of this dementia situation. YOU need to BACK OFF and EVERYONE has the right to know what the causes are and any information about these symptoms. My gosh…
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Changes in routine or environment cause anxiety and stress. Her mind tries to come to logical (?) conclusions of why there is the difference. Thus, the wild stories because pieces of those memories are missing. Ask doctor for mild antianxiety medications and sleeping medications to help her relax during the day and sleep at night. It might be best to keep her focus occupied on other tasks and topics for awhile until she gets used to the lack of trees.
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If you haven't yet discovered it the "bubble" topics under your question will lead you to links on this site about those topics, paranoia and delusions seem to me to be pretty apt.
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What is this meant to say? Can you correct it?

[ Saying she is being eat( ]
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Neighbor1 Apr 2022
I corrected it, it was supposed to say beat .Thanks.
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Beware, the "No good deed goes unpunished" is not just a quirky phrase.
If the daughter has refused the doctor's recommendations for her mother, she will shortly learn that constant calls to the police will earn a visit from APS, and requirement for treatment and placement, on a 5150 hold possibly.

It won't be much longer now, so back away, do not interfere. Stop listening to this very ill neighbor. Unless you see your neighbor fall outside and need to call 911 on her behalf, stay out of it. (BTW, do not pick her up).

Your input into the neighbor's issues will only delay her treatment. imo from experience.

You cared, now stay out of it.
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Neighbor1 Apr 2022
She has been a Grandma figure to my kids and myself for 16 years and we are supposed to just back away . She is not just a neighbor,she became family. I guess some people have not met people that’s not blood that they became very close to. And someone from there usually daughters husband comes over daily for ideas and help on what to do or just to talk. Should I just tell him you said I have to back away now and shut door in his face? What am I supposed to do? And in this tiny town these cops will not contact APS. The daughter asked them to they refused. They said there was nothing they can do she has to do it herself. It’s being done next week. I already said that .
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Neighbor1
I am so sorry your neighbor is having these issues. For a condition you describe to come on suddenly it is often a urinary tract infection. If the condition is long standing it sounds more like a mental illness although some dementias cause hallucinations as well.
it sounds like “the daughter” is seeking medical help and that is the best she can do.
I know many neighbors look out for one another and that’s a good thing.
I hope she gets help soon.
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Neighbor1 Apr 2022
I use to be the one taking care of her till the daughter moved in. I went over daily and sat with her,took her meals that I cooked my family and cleaned for her. My kids called her Grandma. So I was far more than just a neighbor. I was family till she thought I went over and helped cut her trees down and helped steal the wood. She now banned me from her property and instead of trying to make her understand she hired people and I sat on porch with her I simply decided not to cause argument and stayed away.
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Repetition is part of dementia. It's not just 'memory loss' that constitutes dementia; it's a wide variety of behaviors and issues that affect the person who is suffering from the condition.

Refer your friend to the ALZ.org website for information about dementia, and to this 33 page booklet which is a free download:

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
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You are just a neighbor. The family is now involved, so what or who is giving you insight into all these things you are putting out here in public?
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Neighbor1 Apr 2022
I might be Just neighbor as you say but I also worked on dementia units in Nursing Homes for a long time before I became unable to work. And they know what I am doing did you not read the part where I said I am helping them out by reading this stuff said here?
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