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He is 86. He has a pat history of abuse, but it was 50 years ago, so I thought it was safe to bring him into my home 4 years ago after his mild stroke. He is in a wheelchair b/c of poor circ. in his feet & legs. He is 75% deaf & legally blind. He processes slow, speaks slow, but he is NOT demented at all according to his doctor who he saw last week due to a cold. He spoke to both my daughter and niece (in their early 20's) in an extremely vulgar way, then grabbed my niece. Both young women are traumatized. This just happened yesterday and I too am still in shock and do not know what to do. I seriously do not think I can care for him any more as I cannot even look him in the eye. His only income is SS. He is a Vet. I need both immediate, short term and long term options...help us get him out please!

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Well...like everyone else said, this has to end. It sounds like an situation that cannot be salvaged.

What he did is not called abuse, it's called assault. Talk to the girls and ask them if they want the police involved or not. The police may or may not take action, but it's the girl's decision to make since they were the victims. Although I'm not totally sure on this, I believe the police can sometimes remove someone in order to have a psychiatric evaluation done.

I am going to assume they do not want the police involved since neither girl has reported this incident. In that case, you need to call adult protective services ASAP and fill them in on the situation, and inform them he is no longer welcome in your home and you will not be involved in caring for him anymore.

And as far as "you will be jail next to him", let's just try to calm down a bit. He didn't abuse young children, these are adult who can make their own choices. Unless you somehow helped him assault these girls or lie about it if the cops ask you, it is in no way "aiding and abetting or even accessory."
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I would show support to your daughter and niece and remove him from your home. Does he receive veteran benefits? Do you think he will qualify for them? If so, you may want to begin the application process. Unfortunately, that can take a while and you need to find him a place faster. I would contact an organization such as A Place for Mom and have them locate housing for him.

This seems rapid and harsh, but you don't want your daughter and niece to feel they can't come visit you because of their grandfather's behavior. I hope you'll be able to find something good quickly. Many hugs coming your way.
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I agree you need to remove him from your home. As for calling the police, unless he is a registered sex offender or has a criminal history of sexual abuse, the police may be reluctant to arrest a wheelchair bound elderly man in his condition. I would definately inquire about this type of behavior with the police. Your niece would have to file charges of sexual assault for the police to do anything. Is your niece up to going forward? You can also call the Sexual Abuse Hotline for advice.
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I agree as well. Regardless of how old he is or what his impairments are he's an abuser, he's sick and he needs to be out of your home away from the young ladies in your family. You have no obligation to him, he lost any support you may have given him when he became vulgar and threatening. Get him placed in a NH as soon as you can.
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OUT OUT OUT call the cops, get him OUT and do not delay. O-U-T. Of course his doctor thinks he is ok, he's never made a pass at the doctor, but I'll bet the nurses can give you all the details you need. If you don't call the cops and these girls report him, you will be in jail next to him. O-U-T.
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Definitely get him out of your home. You didn't say if he had ever tried to abuse you. I went through having my uncle try to abuse me when I was a young girl and now I'm stuck taking care of him. He lives by himself, but I have to fix one meal a day for him, drive him to appointments and take care of lots of his problems. I hate having to be around him and I never encouraged my kids (boys) to go around him. He's always telling me how it really hurts his feelings because my kids don't come see him. I think kids just kind of sense when someone is creepy and don't want to have anything to do with them. Uncle was at my house the other day when I was keeping my little granddaughter. She is 15 mo. old. I went to change her diaper and he followed me and was acting really interested in watching. I gave him a really dirty stare and he left the room to which I shut the door. No way I will ever ever leave her alone even for a minute with him. He is 91, so I don't think they ever get too old to be abusive. There is no way I would live under the same roof with the man.
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Sigh. I am live in caregiver for my father who has treated me as sexual object since I was a child. I have been on receiving end of his skin-crawling stares, comments, and gropes in past couple of years I've been in his home… as well as enduring them during infrequent visits all my life. I don't think any human being should be in this position. Just get him out of your life so that your young relatives, that you love, don't have to endure any more painful, bad memories than they've already been subjected to. Give them what I wish someone older would've given me a long time ago: a clear signal that this is not ok behavior, and they don't have to just put up with it. Its my opinion that much of their own ideas of self esteem, and their ability to form healthy relationships with opposite sex, can be affected greatly by keeping this man around them. Take this very seriously, please.
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Lolaurie, sorry, I kind of went off on how horrible this situation is, and clearly you do already get that, from what you wrote.

The VA has social workers that can help with housing assistance. Also there are shelters (not as bad an option as it may sound) that will take single males immediately and perhaps he can just stay in a shelter until you can arrange for social worker to pick up his case and find placement for him. Hope this helps.
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tell the doc to crash his testosterone level till hes ironing and watching oprah.
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As a Veteran he may be able to be placed in a vets home as it sounds as though he needs skilled nursing care. Use this as a teaching experience for these two young women so they can learn how to protect themselves in the big bad world. If worse comes to worse you can take him to the ER on some pretext and refuse to take him back again telling them you can no longer take care of him.Try and get him to a mental health facility for a thorough evaluation. As far as dementia is concerned a semi social visit to his PCP is not going to be an evaluation of dementia. As people here know as dementia advances inhibitions and other filters slip away so you can expect more similar behaviour so keep temptation out of his way till you can get him placed
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