sorry, i aint jokin. i have as much use for a girl as an eskimo does an icebox if she aint firing me up. what do men want? we like it when you look uncomfortable.., humor people, look up jim jeffries on youtube and youll see that im kidding.. huh.. kidding. its ok to call it that..
whatevwr you want to believe. im the bitchinest cook that ever cooked and if an older girl dont wanna make hormonal type odors in the beddroom with me, im sorry but ill replace you with a cardboard sillohette. that cardboard sillohette girl will sure be treated well and appreciated well. but seriously if sex isnt your thing, your dinosauer excrement to me. im an insensitive oaf but im telling you how it is. sexist, insensitive, simpleton, i can live with all of that but if ya wont get it on with me im better off alone..
Sadly there is nothing worse than a person touching you who you do not want to touch you. Almost the final boundary - but it seems it has to be there. You sound like you are doing the best you possibly can - you cannot also expect to be intimate in the most personal way with someone who it sounds like you don't even like. You have a right to your body!
Sometimes might "professional attention" from the world's oldest be an appropriate substitute. In this day and age of specialization surely there are "companions" who specialize in treating the elderly. Hotel concierges are supposed to know about local services available -- at least in the movies.
I have been waiting for someone to broach this subject. I knew I couldn't be the only one who was facing problems. My husband who is ten years older than me wants to do it but hasn't been able for 10 years since he had his prostate operated on. We used to have times of intimacy anyhow and I loved that. But now he forgets and keeps asking me how to do it. Besides his lack of cleanliness and forgetting how to brush his teeth too is a real turn-off. I keep telling myself that I am probably missing out on my last chance to be close to him but I just can't handle it anymore. It is a problem for me and I really miss the loving man I married. I still love him but can't handle this part! I don't know what to do or how to talk to the doctor about it.
((((((((Hugs)))))) to you all. This is such a difficult area, among many other difficulties. So much depends on the relationship that was built up over the years. I have great respect for all of you for what you are doing. Draw the boundaries that you have to for the reasons that you have. Seek medical advice and counselling if need be. More hugs and be sure to do something good for you today.
@123Ann: what a dear, loving soul you are to have expressed so beautifully what a wonderful, loving marriage looks like in the later years! I cried as I read your response and how you take your wife's condition into consideration. You described a 'text book perfect' marriage where love and respect remain during the twilight years. That is how it is 'supposed' to be, to look like, and your wife is blessed to have such a man as you to care for her. Unfortunately, not all end of life relationships are so loving and they are in a different 'text book' about dysfunctional relationships and are extremely complicated by the 'authors' (lives) in those 'books'. The fact is, all people need to feel loved and protected and safe in the arms/embrace of their chosen life companion at any stage in life and it is not just the spouse with dementia that has those needs. Those of us who have extremely abrasive husbands are also denied our needs, making the choice not to have 'sex' with our husbands, all the more painful but necessary.
@trailblazers3: the issue you and I have is not really about the sex act itself I am thinking but more about the fact, I speak just for myself here, that I not only lost respect for husband, I stopped loving him many years ago b/c of the verbal, emotional and financial abuse our whole marriage. I am not some hard, bitter woman who wants to 'get even' with him for the things he has done, I have taken care of ALL his other needs in a kind and loving way but for me, I am just an unpaid caregiver. I have learned to value myself enough now, to set boundaries with this extreme narcissistic man and not subjecting myself to his abrasive touching is one of them. He has extreme ED but even if he could perform, I would not change this boundary as the act of sex was always all about him anyway. Sometimes I feel bad for him b/c all humans need to be touched and hugged and I do these but only when he is not being the nasty, ugly, verbally demanding man that he was and now is without any mental filters. Ya just have to decide what you can live with for your own mental and emotional health.
I GUESS I DID NOT STATE WHAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM, AND TO ALL I LOOKS LIKE I AM BEING UN GIVING AND UN CARING, NOT AT ALL THE CASE, HE IS AND HAS ALWYS BEEN A SEX ADDICT, AND HAS REALLY DISGUSTED ME THROUGH THE YEARS WITH HIM THIS WAY OF WHAT HE CALLS AND IS SEX TO HIM, I LOVE TO MAKE LOVE AND WOULD BUT HE IS NOT THAT WAY, YES I GUESS I KNEW IT YEARS AGO BUT IN MY YOUNGER DAYS I DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT, SO MY REASON FOR NOT WANTING ANYTHING WITH HIM ANYMORE IS BECAUSE OF THE WAY HE IS, I WILL NOT COMPETE WITH SEX FILMS AND CRAP OF THAT NATURE IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE BETWEEN 2 AND 2 ONLY, HE REFUSED TO BE THIS WAY SO I AM NOW REFUSING BECAUSE I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR HIM.....PERIOD I WILL CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM BUT ITS NOT THERE ANYMORE THAT WAY.
Can he do it? Lucky him! My husband needs the pills, and they don't always work, but his libido does!
I read in one book about a woman who was unwilling to have sex with the stranger her husband had become. She moved them to separate bedrooms, which was very helpful. I have an agreement with my mild AD spouse that we will "do it" every two weeks, and I actually put it on the calendar. The code is "DI" for "did it".
If he is pestering you daily, discuss it with the doctor when he is not with you. Maybe an antidepressant or anti-anxiety drug would slow him down. Once or twice a month, I can "close my eyes and think of England."
Presumably he is the one with dementia and you don't want any further sexual relationship with him....if so that is a great sadness for both of you....from experience with a wife with Alzheimer's at age 70 (I am 72), I still have those sexual needs, but she clearly does not enjoy it anymore....at our ages, it isn't the physical act itself, although pleasurable in and of itself, but rather the feeling of intimacy between the two of you that is important....that intertwining of your lives at the deepest level, the giving of your whole self to another and the receiving of love, affection and yes reaffirmation and acceptance of you as a person and a man....this is what counts now in the twilight of our years....in my case, there is a real difficulty in that I get the feeling I am almost a "child predator" as her Alzheimer's moves into the severe category.....sadly, now, just holding each other closely will have to suffice, and it will....I suggest you try to understand and respond positively as much as you can....
OMG WHEN YOU GET AN ANSWER PLEASE LET ME KNOW, I HAVE THE SAME PROB, I AM NOT AT ALL INTERESTED AND THIS IS ALL HE EVER TALKS ABOUT WELL THIS AND CAMPING 2 THINGS THAT ARE NOT HAPPENING FOR ME ANYMORE, AND WHEN I DON'T GIVE IN HE GETS SO VERBALLY ABUSIVE I HAVE TO FINALLY GIVE IT UP, BUT I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT, I LIKE YOU NEED ADVICE ........HELP BEING A CARE GIVER IS MORE THAN ENOUGH WORK WITHOUT THIS TOO.
You sweet talker, you.
I read in one book about a woman who was unwilling to have sex with the stranger her husband had become. She moved them to separate bedrooms, which was very helpful. I have an agreement with my mild AD spouse that we will "do it" every two weeks, and I actually put it on the calendar. The code is "DI"
for "did it".
If he is pestering you daily, discuss it with the doctor when he is not with you. Maybe an antidepressant or anti-anxiety drug would slow him down. Once or twice a month, I can "close my eyes and think of England."