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My dad is an 87 yo Parkinson's patient with both urinary and bowel incontinence. He is also a Veteran who receives Aid and Attendance help 3 times a week in the AM. The problem is this: is there service for incontinent patients where you can call and have them come to your home to clean up the patient, pretty much at a minutes' notice?

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There's a new career idea for someone, they could call themselves the Poop Patrol ROFL
(I don't mean to offend, I think a lot of us dream of such a service LOL)
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pegtracy123, even if your Dad was living in Assisted Living, he probably would need to wait awhile before an Aide is available to help him out, especially at night. And depending on the triage with the other residents.

The only way is to have Aids in the house with your Dad all day and night, every day.
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That would be amazing but really impractical. No one could just drop everything to go clean someone up. The only way that could occur is with a live-in caregiver who is paid or if you can afford to pay for 24-hour home health aides.
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Similar to the Geek Squad. Poop Squad?
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Seriously? If you can't handle it, so to speak, consider another caregiver or other living arrangenent.
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Seriously? Yes, seriously! I've been taking care of my parents for many years and have enabled them to stay home instead of going into one of the horrible nursing homes. The fact that I have a hard time cleaning up my father's bowel incontinence issues is not unheard and certainly understandable in my mind. Just because I have a problem with this one issue does NOT mean I should "consider another caregiver or other living arrangement." You really should think before you speak vegaslady!
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Heather, I hear you about the lack of flex care. It is simple enough to hire caregivers on a schedule, but what are we to do if we wake up in the morning with the flu or we just can't face the thought of getting mom/pop out of bed, fed and diapered one more time, or you have had to clean up after a poop storm 3 times today already and can't face another, who do you call? Chances are even if you have friends, family or a church community they would not be up to the really dirty, hands on physical care. It would be nice to have someone to call who would say "we'll be right over", I just can't see how it could realistically work though.
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I am happy to report that I have found three private nurses who are willing, for a fee, to come over to my house within 30 minutes if I need them to help my father with his bowel incontinence issues. This is a major relief to me, as I have no intention of putting him in a nursing home. My mom, who had dementia, died at home which was her desire, and my dad will do the same. Thanks for all the helpful ideas!
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I don't think anyone was being snide, just realistic. Some of us who know we're not willing or able to deal with incontinence issues have accepted that when and if our parent develops those issues, they will need to be moved to a facility where round-the-clock aides will perform that care. So that's the first thing we would suggest to someone who seems to be in the same position.

I would not like to see my mother go to a nursing home, but if she becomes incontinent, that will be the only option, as she has no funds to pay for care at home. I know that I will not do toilet duty, because for one it's gross, for two it's way more intimacy than I wish to have with my mother, and for three it ties you up round the clock. You have no freedom to live your life once you become responsible for someone else's bathroom habits. I think it's more than anyone has the right to expect from their adult children.

If a nursing home is not an option, then I think the suggestions about regulating bathroom habits are the best answers.

I heartily second what heatherb67 said - the available services fall way short of what is needed. I think there is no political will to expand the services provided to families, and people are just so used to the status quo and refuse to recognize that the status quo just doesn't work for many people (starting with seniors who have no adult children to provide care to them, and including adult children whose careers, finances, retirement plans, health and personal goals are sacrificed to the care needs of aging parents). It's a sad sad situation, and I agree, totally unacceptable.
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I remember back when my Dad refused to wear Depends, eventually my Mom [who was in her 90's] was getting tired of cleaning up the carpet. She finally put an end to that by handing over the cleaning to my Dad. Before I knew it, Depends was on her grocery list for me to pick up.

Once my Mom passed, my Dad hired caregiver 24 hours a day. It was very expensive at $20k per month, yes per month. It was one of the "rainy day" expenses that Dad needed to use from his savings.

My Dad realized that I couldn't be his caregiver as he was a major fall risk, no way I could pick him up... it would be like picking up 160 lb solid weight at the gym. Dad decided he would like to move to senior living, and he loved it, he said he wished he would have moved there years ago. It was a lot cheaper then having 24 hour caregivers. He liked being around people closer to his own age :) And all the attention from the Aides.
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