I am caring for my 82 yr old grandma. She has a colostomy bag which is disposable and needs frequent changing. The problem I am having is that she no longer lets me change the bag for her. She went to stay with a relative for a couple weeks and during her visit she got little to no help with the changing of the stoma bag. She was left to her own devices and by the time she returned to my house, she insisted on doing the bag herself (in spite of her lack of ability) She ruined a whole box of stoma bags by over cutting them in an attempt to size the hole. She has some age related mental decline and is not the neatest person. She is forgetful and often careless. She puts the dirty stoma bagsx back in with the clean ones. I try to help her but she doesn't let me. She is also very sensitive so it is difficult for me to address these hygiene issues to her. I always speak softly and try to word things as gently as possible. Im worried about her stoma as it has become infected. She tells me "I changed the bag just now" but when i ask to check...I find the stoma naked with nothing but a paper towel covering the feces that's bulging out. I try to help her and let her know that she needs to accept the help or she will get and infection. She is very resistant. She isn't nasty verbally and she never gets an attitude, but she simply does not comply. She lies about changing the bag. When i get near her to hug her, she smells like feces really bad. She is constantly making a mess on the toilet. Everyday I have to scrub feces off of the toilet and surrounding areas. My dad (her son) makes excuses for her and never wants to sit down and talk to her about her hygiene for fear of embarassing her. It's understandable, but I also know that leaving a stoma exposed or without a CLEAN bag can lead to infection (which she has already had to go to the hospital for.) I am getting tired of cleaning up the same feces mess everyday, because this is something that can be avoided if she would only start letting me care for the bag again. She lets me do everything else for her. Sometimes I feel like she is taking advantage because she throws food/dirty toilet paper all over the house. I know part of this is related to her mental decline and age, but i still get frustrated and even more frustrated knowing that I can't express myself because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I'm starting to go through a lot of guilt because after I tell her "You need to change the bag, no butts about it" ...she get's upset and I feel so bad. I don't know what to do. I have grown accustomed to cleaning up all the messes she makes everywhere, but this thing with the bag and the feces on the toilet is just beginning to wear on my. Not just having to clean up the feces, but the stress of knowing she isn't caring for herself. Nobody understands and everytime i try to address it to my dad, he just thinks I'm complaining. I don't know what to do...I've tried talking to her but she doesn't listen. This is really having a significant effect on my daily life and emotional wellbeing. What can I do to get her to be more accepting of my help. I truly love her and only want the best for her. Any help or suggestions/insight would be greatly aprreciated.