I am the senior citizen and I need resources to help reduce the stress of a daughter who is solely responsible for my care. Any suggestions?

You are a very thoughtful father and correct. Your daughter is at the time of her life where she needs to build and establish her career and care for her #1 priority, her son.

Contact the Area Agency on Aging in your county. They will help you to locate resources and the maze of elder care. If you are a veteran there is help there as well. In the meantime day as much as you possibly can for yourself.

If possible plan NOW to arrange care for yourself so she is not "responsible" for your care.
If you can sit down a write a "promissory note"
You will not refuse care from paid caregivers...
If caring for you becomes burdensome you will not refuse to go to Assisted Living or Memory Care.
Sign now a POLST form that gives directives how you want medical treatment handled. Do this now so she does not have to make decisions based on what she thinks you would have wanted. And so she does not "feel guilty" after making a decision.
And or if you can afford it, as much as you may like living with your daughter when things get back to "normal" or what our new "normal" will be start looking at Independent or Assisted Living facilities to move to so that you will have a space of your own, and you will have a variety of activities that you can choose from. This way she will not be responsible, she can be a daughter first not a caregiver, she can be your Advocate in the future not a caregiver.
You sound like a great dad and grandpa!

As an only child, I took care of my mom for 6 years. Aging takes place in stages. I was happy to have her and I did get assistance of daily home health agency. I refused to bath her and wanted to maintain her dignity. It was less expensive and better care for her. She had the master bedroom with her own bathroom which was larger than AL or NH. She could have anything she liked to eat and I worked hard to make sure she was "spoiled". I was clear that if she had ALZ or could not get out of bed, she would need more care. I did continue to work part time and have friends visit. She was lonely and most of her friends had passed away and had stopped driving. I did eat dinner with her every day. I did take a vacation each year and paid $$ money for 24 hour care.
We had three trips to emergency room and rehab. I took her to dr appts and was able to stay close to the situation.
If you can set up separate living quarters to ensure you both have your own space it does work.
Plan where you would go if you health gets worse. Make your wishes known. It was a hard discussion but we had a plan that I could follow.
Make sure you have all your paperwork in order. The paperwork was a battle. She did not want to let me handle stuff but she couldn't handle it.
It was a long journey with ups and downs. She passed away this Feb and I am glad I managed her care.
You are very smart to check your options. Remind yourself that often siblings do not always share responsibilities. As an only child, I was very close to my mom and my daughters witnessed what family does. Hope they will be able to do the same for me.
Best of Luck

Gee, every dad should be as wise and caring as you! I'm an only child too so I understand your concern for the situation, my mom is 91 and lives next door to me. For right now, you can call your county's social services and see if you qualify for some in-home help. It won't be full-time, but they may provide a person who does light housekeeping and meal prep, laundry, etc. Your local area's Agency on Aging, or a senior center can also have good resources.

You can hire a reputable care agency (like Visiting Angels) to come in to help you as well. I've been very satisfied with this type of help. Also, I'm hoping your daughter is your durable Power of Attorney. It is critical that this get done asap. Whatever doctor you go to ask for the Medical Representative form and assign your daughter as your rep. This allows your doctors to freely and legally discuss your medical issues with her. This is different than a HIPAA release form or her medical PoA. You need the form for every doctor you see.

For the long term, and if you haven't already done this, you should invest in a consult with an elder law attorney who specializes in estate planning and is familial with Medicaid. I'm not sure if you family is living in your house or you are living in hers, or if you're paying her for your care, you need to know that what you do now with your money and assets will have a huge impact on what happens down the road as your care needs increase. Primarily, no not gift her money or possessions or assets in any way as this may disqualify you for Medicaid, should you need it (and you would be astounded how many seniors do need it who thought they saved enough). You should have a written contract for paying her for your care, you should be paying rent to her if you're in her house, etc. All your money transactions must have a paper trail. The Medicaid application can have a "look back" period of up to 5 years in some states, so it's very important that you talk to an attorney. I hope this info isn't overwhelming you but a little leg work now will save you and her lots of headaches in the future.

But the best gift you can give your daughter is to release her from being your caretaker. This means you researching Assisted Living communities local to her. She will be very conflicted and guilt-ridden about not providing your care, and you not being under watchful eye, but eventually it WILL overwhelm her. Her first priority is to her child and she needs all her strength, faculties and resources to do so. On this forum is the topic Caregiver Burnout. If you have any hesitation or doubts about moving on, you should read a few of the thousands of posts. I wish you all the best!

What a loving father. Geaton was right on the money. There are resources out there and starting with your county Office of Aging is a good start. You may want to see what your supplimental insurance covers. Some have things like Silver Sneakers where u can go to a local gym. O of A may have transportation to take u to appts and shopping.

What I should have done was talk my Mom into selling her house. It ended up being an Albatross around my neck. By the time she came to stay at my house, it was falling apart. My Dad had died 8 years earlier. No money for upkeep. She could have had a nice apartment. Easy to keep up. She could have sold it and lived off the proceeds. She would have saved on lawn service, taxes ect. I wasn't able to sell it till after she passed. In the meantime it just kept deteriorating. I had to clean out 60 yrs of junk. She had clothes and stuff of my late sisters. Things my siblings had left behind. I am a senior too and it was just me and some help from DH. The day I sold it a burden was lifted off my shoulders.

Are you a Veteran? If so, the VA has over the years expanded its caregiving program and provides more relief. If this would apply to you, post back and I'll dig up the research I've done and provide links.

I don't have any advice--just a feeling of gratitude to you for looking ahead and thinking of your daughter and HER wants and needs, even though you could just dump all your 'worries' in her lap.

Bless you--wherever you land, you will make new friends and be a blessing to others!

With all 50 states, slowly reopening, assistance may be more readily available for you. Does your state have a Covid 19 webpage?

Some communities have assistance now, where volunteers will do social distacing grocery shopping for seniors, where they shop, and drop the food off at the front door, ring the bell and stand a safe distance away to be sure the senior answers the door.

I am my mother's caregiver she has RA and PD. I do most things for her. I am her only child but I have step siblings in the area. My step brother will come to visit and give rides to places but that's it. Mom realizes that he couldn't handle the everyday stuff. She had an episode that we found out later was a TIA. He froze and didn't know what to do. She had a stroke a couple weeks later and he was shook. I'm saying that to say that even with sibling help you can be by yourself for the serious stuff. We have a cousin who tries to help with things and we end up in an argument. Another one who complains and is jealous because she had to hire someone for her care. Sometimes an only child can have less drama but more work.

Bavo, for thinking about your daughter. I was an only child, and helped my mom take care of my dad, when he had end stage Parkinson's, and took care of my mom after she developed Dementia.

My main problem through all this was Medicaid's FIVE YEAR LOOK BACK. Which means that you and your loved ones must be able to see into the future. They expect you to know when you will get sick or hurt, and that any monitary dealings (like birthday presents, giving a family member a little money to help out, etc) is viewed as trying to defraud Medicaid. Remember, you are supposed to know what the future will be for you in five years.

You and your daughters finances will be tied to that five year look back. Please.... never start a joint account with your daughter.

I started an account and put my mom's name on it just in case something happened to me, that was for emergencies: like car repairs house repairs, or saving up to get my eye surgery. I was the only one who put money into the account every month, because it was my account with my money.

But when I could no longer care for my mom because of her advanced dementia, I had to put her in a memory care facility. And Medicaid, said, that all the money I had put in my account for over ten years was ALL HER MONEY. Not mine. And it all would be used to pay for the nursing home, before they would start Medicaid.

Get an elder care lawyer. Its money well worth the price.

I appreciate you so much. My family will never discuss elder care issues until the need pops up... and that is not good planning.

Please visit a lawyer to have your will, medical directive, and powers of attorney (medical and financial) drawn up. Ask him/her about legal issues of seniors as well as inheritance with your state's laws. Make sure to talk about drawing up a contract between you and your daughter that outlines what your financial responsibilities are while living with her: medications, food, lodging, transportation... Pay her accordingly and keep a record of payments. This will become more necessary if you need medicaid.

Please visit your banker to address financial issues. Talk to him/her about how to manage your finances so you don't cause legal difficulties or problems with medicare or medicaid. He/she can also let you know about any financial plans they have to help ease transitions of inheritance and paying bills.

Lastly, start gathering your care support network. I am not questioning your daughter's ability to care for you or her devotion. If she ended up sick or in the hospital, you would need somebody else to provide your care. Family, friends, and people from your church could probably step in for a short time for emergencies. However, if would be wise to have already screened and selected a home health care agency for longer term help. I would advise doing the same for an assisted living facility if your daughter becomes unable to provide your care.

I am praying that you enjoy a healthy life and wonderful relationships with your daughter and grandchild during this season of your life.

I have been taking care of my husband who has dementia for the last 7 years. Things have steadily been going down hill for the last year and half. I am now considering bringing in live in but not through an agency. Does anyone have an idea how much this would cost. Thank you in advance for your help.

I’d see an Elder Care Attorney, oftentimes you can even get one with a free consultation.

Talk with your coucil of aging they have many helpful ideas. Also if someone you know has a caregiver speak with them. Are you a Vet? The VA has info as well. I hired my own caregiver and she helped with both my parents. We are still friends.

One of the first things is contact the local OFFICE ON AGING which can start to steer you in the right direction to get basic information. Gather up all your personal affairs and make sure they are current and in perfect up to date order. Make a will, get a Power of Attorney for her in case of need, seek out an eldercare attorney for a consultation, call Social Services in the hospital - all of them can start to guide you in the right direction given your overall circumstances. I don't have enough facts. Don't hesitate to put all the cards on the table to see what you have and what options you have down the road. Also check with Social Security. Explore, explore and learn and then once you have all facts, then sit down with your daughter and make a plan. Believe me - this is wonderful you care and are willing to do this. Please keep us posted.

Check out these websites... I hope they help ...

(1) Caregiver Resources, Articles & Videos

https://www.caregiverstress.com/

(2) 11 Private Support Groups for Caregivers on Facebook

https://dailycaring.com/support-groups-for-caregivers-on-facebook/

(3) Caregiving in America: The Strain, the Pain, the Emotional Drain

 https://www.nextavenue.org/caregiving-in-america/

Long term care insurance saved us when mom  got dementia

I would contact your state or county area agency on aging to request information 9n caregiving agencies as well as individuals providing caregiving. "A Place for Mom" as well as care.com can also provide information on caregiving. I think it's great that you are thinking ahead for care and that you are considering your daughter. Another gift you can give her is getting all of your affairs in order if you have not already done so. Not only advanced directives, durable power of attorney, will, funeral arrangements (including burial). Doing all of this will alleviate her stress tremendously.

Contact your town's Council on Aging.

How refreshing to hear of a parent, worried about the consequences of their of care, to their children.

A lot of good advice here.

God bless you, for your sensitive heart, for your daughter!

God bless you. You have helped ease the guilt and helpless feelings that people go through while caring for their parents. I hope I will be like you when my time comes.

If you are looking for things other than financial assistance, check into respite care. It is usually a service provided by an assisted care facility. You and your daughter and grandchild can tour the facility before making a decision. You can stay at the ALC (assisted living community) for a predetermined amount of time. You have to pay their fees which may be pricey but is worth giving your daughter some free time. Go for three days several times a year or two weeks once a year - whatever they offer and works for you. Believe me your child loves you but will appreciate an occasional break.