Any suggestions on how to cope with a mother who makes constant verbal sounds?

Would a video monitor and head phones be a possibility? That way you can check in with her visually and know she's safe and listen to tunes or podcasts. And not let
her unconscious sounds drive you batty.

My father makes sounds all day long. Loud nonsensical noises. He mews when he opens the fridge, growls when he eats, sings when he watches tv, repeats parts of words over and over and over. He shreiks and groans in pain (though he can't tell me what hurts or let me take him to the doctor) continually. All of this is loud enough to hear through doors and walls. He is able to restrain himself if visitors are in the house so he has some sort of awareness about the appropriateness of his strange behavior. I suspect he just loves to annoy me and possibly gets some sort of affirmation from his constant noise making. This isn't an answer, just an acknowledgment that these behaviors are not unusual. Lord help us all!

I pray for patience & tolerance but it isn't working!!

My mom does the same thing- 3 constant sounds or silent whistling. I tried using my ear buds but then she talks to me. Gets mad because I go in other rooms or try to listen to music. My mom does this even when eating or watching TV. I asked her what tune she was humming, though it's more of a grunting noise. She said it was- Until The End of Time. That made me chuckle! It is driving me nuts. I wanna scream! I called her neurologist, he said it is nothing major. Yikes! Help!!

My mother in law, whom I help care for irritates my last nerve, every day is the same ( it's like groundhog day) from the time she wakes up she'll start out with "oh god, oh god, oh god......" no stop, then we put her 280lbs in the recliner and she chants " uh ba wa, uh ba wa, uh ba wa " non stop, unless she's eating. She extremely jealous of her son, says very inappropriate sexual things to him, calls me his whore, a B***ch, shes in a wheelchair, refuses to let us take her to the bathroom, urinates on the floor by the kitchen table several times a day, urinates in the recliner, I wash at least 7-8 loads of pads, towels and gowns a day. His sister, who's house we stay at to help care for her doesn't want her wearing panties or pull ups. I can't believe this is our life, the only break we get is on weekends, we go home at 10-11pm after mom goes to bed and back the next day for more of the same. He has a bother and another sister who pop in for an hour on her birthday, mother's day and Christmas but they are busy living their lives. Mom is also narcissistic, and I feel like cinder-freaking-rella, his sister who's house we stay at, works, when she gets home, she sits on the sofa, tunes mom out and gets lost in her iPad, while he and I run around picking up dinner that I cook and serve EVERY day, set the coffee pot for the a m., Put out the garbage, and they all wonder why I'm so depressed all the time or act distant. HELP !!!!!

I'm NOW living with my 82 year old grandmother who has dementia and she makes noise ALL day. It drives me crazy and I know she can't help me and she's not doing it on purpose but I'm like Thanks God, her mind is fading daily and she's making these crazy noises with it to. Like is this my punishment?? People dont understand what we go thru, yes you wanna be there for your loved one but WE need breaks to. I have to get away from the house and her sometimes. Me and mom decided, I'll come to her house or go on me a Lil trip to see a friend at least 2 days out the week. Thank God for my friends cause I may go over and chill with them for a night just to have some peace- ---realizing I can't overwhelm them by being a constant visitor, but I say to all of you, get a plan to take days to yourself. You deserve it, caretaking is hard work, mentally and physically. I pray for you all.

My mom is starting to do this a lot now. She makes small grunt noises for no reason. And when she uses the restroom, it almost sounds like shes getting off in there...but she's only rolling up tons of toilet paper and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Once, I heard her having a conversation with "someone" before coming out. When she was out, she started the grunting again. Not sure why, but it's progressing. I'll take that over the zoning out...because once she snaps out of it, you don't know what you'll get.

Helpme2222, my husband is the same way, constant noises and mooning all the time, keeps clearing his throat, if I asked him are you in pain? he will reply no "why" if you tell him to stop making these noises he will stop for a second then here we go again, it driving me insane especially at night, but I feel bad for him too, I hope someday will have an answer for this condition.

My mother makes oh, ho, hum, very loud at inappropriate times. Im just glad to hear that others are annoyed by this behavior. I was feeling guilty because it bothers me.
She also clears her tbroat with each sentence when she talks to me. I asked her about it , maybe she needs a cough drop she said shes allergic to me. Shes doing it now.....

My mum has been making grunting noises when shes doing something like making a cup of tea or getting something out to show me, im concerned this could be the start of dementia shes 75 years old

this is a reply to ugeh37, I read your comment about your mother's noises, it's exactly like my husband noises, I have a doctor's appointment next week I just can not deal with it anymore I need help for him and me, my husband is 83 years old. it seems he is getting worse sometimes it's like someone beating him up!!

AMTIRED2 My Mom is doing the exact thing and it's always. "Oh ho ho" kind of sound. She was in the hospital almost two weeks ago for anemia and a UTI. When she came home she was not making the noises. However I noticed the other day that sound came out of her mouth when she was walking into the next room. She uses a walker and is on oxygen 24/7 for COPD. I used to think it had something to do with her oxygen level. I have heard from other people about their parents that had dementia making sounds like this too. So maybe it is a comforting thing to them. I have actually asked my Mom why she is making that sound and she said she didn't know, her body was just making it. So who knows. I will be asking my Moms doctor about this tomorrow when she goes to her follow visit. I will report back what he says. Hopefully you can find respite. It's just my husband and I caring for my Mom other than one person who does one day a week. I work full time too and my husband has his own home he lives in. I came to stay with my Mombso she'd have someone here 24/7. So I know exactly how you feel. lijoma62 Isn't that the truth?! We never knew what was in store for us dueling with aging parents. Perhaps this should be something taught in high school because it is so much a part of life itself. I too hope you find a way of dealing with the sounds. Take care.

Thank God I just Googled this. My mother periodically hums and growls. She is 82, cognitively as sharp as a tack, drives, shops, keeps her own house. She has very bad hearing issues. The sounds drive me crazy and also worry me. She denies she makes them. Of course every time I try to ask a doctor, she's not making the sounds. One, when I described them, echoed what I think -- somehow they sooth her.

I'm so glad to read others have this same issue with their aging parent. The constant noises are driving me crazy. I feel like a bad adult child because I get so irritated. I pray for patience every day.

Spotted, you are far from alone in this. When my son was preparing to abseil from a helicopter his sergeant said (to no one in particular) "you can tell they're in trouble when they start singing."

I hate to admit I make a humming noise to soothe myself when I am having major anxiety or panic.

@ugeh37 I could have written your response myself verbatim. For me it's my mother in law and she's in our dining room because she can't do stairs. That means she right in the middle of our first floor off the kitchen. My husband is hard of hearing so it doesn't bother him as much. It is driving me insane. I bought a radio for the kitchen and it is blasting all day. Her humming noise even cuts through most of the music I play so it has to be rock & roll to drown her out. She doesn't hear any of this because she is so deaf. It's funny that she starts when her feet hit the floor and stops when we put her to bed and turn off the lights and says she's not doing it when we ask her about it. I've given up hope she will ever stop. Knowing her it will probably morph into something worse.

Can someone please tell me why is it our responsibility to take care of our parents? I am 65 and my father who is 90 thinks it is my duty to take care of him. It is not!! Especially when they have the money to be in a residence someplace. Being shadowed constantly is a royal pain. It is my time to enjoy retirement. He had his 30 years of fun how about me and my husband? I know I sound mean but I never bothered him for money, housing etc.
as far as the grunting goes a lot of people do that do give themselves "Cpap". Continuous Positive airway pressure(Cpap). It helps keep the alveoli open or air sacs in the lungs. It promotes better gas exchange between carbon dioxide and oxygen. Sorry for the rant but you just finish paying for your kids school and weddings and then this is dumped upon you. Living longer because of technology and pharmacology is not always better, at least I will turn that stuff down when the time is right. Where is the quality of life?

My mother, who has come to live with us makes noise constantly. Sometimes it's kind of musical, but when I say musical think of the random, chaotic, insane, melody you might here in a horror movie about a psycho. Much of the time it's just random humming . Very loud random humming. She does it constantly, from the time she get's up, until she lays down at night. If she's moving, she's making noise. I've tried ignoring it, and sometimes I can manage it, but its like Chinese water torture. It's driving me insane. She does it so loud that I can't get away from it in the house. It's audible through doors and walls. If she only did it from time to time, or at least hummed a song, instead of just chaotic noise, it might be tolerable. But it's like being locked up in an insane asylum. I don't think she's even aware she's doing it. When I say something about it, she'll stop for a minute or two, but then just go right back into it. I think I'm losing my mind.

LittleMissKitty, you are in urgent need of respite care. This is not a "nice to have someday" kind of thing. You need it as soon as possible.

Have the doctor write orders for a night nurse 7 days a week if mom has to stay with you. I would also have her do a week in an outside respite program as well.

Time to evaluate whether you can do this every day & night for another 6 months, year, or longer. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason.

as I look at this question, I"m listening to the sound of "HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME DEAR LORD" being repeated. I was just in there. She went to the bathroom, I reset her up. She has tylenol in her. She should be sleeping. I go in there and she has no idea she was even doing it or gives me some stupid reason for the help me such as, "What is that button there that's glowing on my television" or "why do I have blankets on?" Normally she's good but with a UTI it's the worst. I don't want to turn off the monitor cause what happens if she really needs me. There is a difference in the messages. When she needs me the repeating stops and turns into, "Help me because I have to go to the bathroom." but to hear that you have to hear the Help me over and over again in a chorus of monotones for the hour in between bathroom breaks. All I need is sleep! Even an hour is good.

It does start to feel like a test of human endurance, doesn't it?
Because it is. And it multiplies day on day.

It's the same exhaustion you feel if you've ever had to deal with a colicky baby for long periods of time. The only time they aren't screaming is when they're asleep (for 15 minutes at a time....) Been to that movie!

It affects your ability to think straight or even hold a thought. You can't really relax. This will affect your mental health and then your physical health.
Anybody who criticizes hasn't walked two feet in these shoes and probably would be the first to "tap out".

You can't wish away the irritation. You can't pretend it's not happening.
It will wear you down if you don't do something. It's not going to get better. It may pass in time, but nobody can say when. It may be years - nobody knows.

What can you do? Day programs may be an option if your person meets certain criteria. Respite care, where they stay in a nursing home for a few days. Permanent placement in a care facility as well. Or in-house aid so you can get out & about.

Keep in mind that it's not just the humming, grunting, teeth grinding, teeth sucking, or whatever the repetitive noise is by its self. This is part of a larger package involved in caregiving. It's so easy to dismiss all of it as "nothing" and deny ourselves the ability to admit it's overwhelming and exhausting and that "I need a break right this minute or I'm going to explode!"

oh and she grunts. I dread the grunt. It means she needs me to get up and do something for her but instead of telling me, she just grunts until she gets help. Especially at night the grunt just grates on me and has me repeating to myself, "Please fall back to sleep, Please fall back to sleep so I can stay in my nice finally warm bed and sleep". But on the other hand, it lets me know she's awake and needs attention. That saves falls I'm sure. Doesn't make it any less grating on the nerves though.

My grandma makes a uh uh uh sound. It sometimes is just over and over again without reason. Sometimes she does it when she has to go to the bathroom and I have found that uh uh uh sound actually is to the tune of "help me" when she really needs help. She also makes that sound when she's walking cuz she said her neck hurts (She's on pills for that and has a pain shot she gets every 6 weeks so don't say I'm ignoring her pain please). It sometimes grates on my nerves if I'm overtired. Ok I'll be honest, it gets on my nerves a lot but I find myself humming to myself to drown it out, or asking her what is bothering her. It sometimes will stop the noise when she says, "Nothing." or most of the time, "My neck hurts" or she will voice her need of the bathroom, needing water, wanting to put her feet up, etc. The sounds are tough. They just happen and I honestly don't think they know they are doing it cause the second I ask her something, the sound stops without any reason and she will reply normally. I feel your pain!

This thread is a perfect example of why Elder Assisted Suicide laws should be put in place in developed countries. More and more people are living too long, so long that their mental capacity corrodes and fades long before their bodies give out. We concentrate so much on 'preserving 'life'' that we ignore how much (or not) said person has of quality of life, entirely regardless of their inability to function and the crippling effects they have on their caregivers (who I might add are often abandoned by their siblings and relatives, who have no desire to come anywhere near their severely demented and disabled parents or siblings by that point). Nobody's life functions should come at the price of destroying the well-being of their children, especially when there's no cure, little developmental public funding, and it only gets worse and worse until, finally, the person involved dies.

Ask yourself: would your mother or father want to live as an anpsychotic mutant who is long dead on the inside and can't be reasoned with or treated, besides being strapped down with regular injections of 'Bring-Down Blue'? I know how my parents would feel in that situation, and what I would do. Dementia is the result of pushing a person's lifespan so far, because we worship life (and not quality of life) and their minds give up when their live would have naturally ended, but since we're all trapped in the neurosis of 'life-preservation', we ignore the horrible grief these elderly people and their families go through, understanding if they were to end their parent's lives in mercy, they would be charged with murder. That is the horror we have come to, and I hope something even more horrible happens because of it, as that's probably the only way it's ever going to be addressed.

When my wife, Her almost 80yr father who lives with us watch TV, they like to chat. When I am home and trying to enjoy TY my FIL will repeat what he sees--if I switch to say Family Feud, he barks "Family Feud"--and on and on--if it is NCIS then barks "NCIS"--always when I am there whether my wife is there or not. Try 16 months of this! I have tried to establish the TV room as the LIBRARY--quiet time, but that lasted moments. My wife either ignores or does not acknowledge it, where I at first ask him to quiet down, then moments later TELL him to! I believe it is to antagonize me, wife says he is just doing it for attention. Any thoughts as I think it is a progression sign of the AL.

My stepdad who is 91 and has dementia constantly makes loud noises. He says something is stuck in his throat and he's has to do that. Well nothing is stuck and he's just irritating his throat as well as making me and my mom go insane. It's non stop and very loud. When he does stop he just substitutes it with loud teeth grinding. My mom doesn't know what to do about it and I feel sure if it doesn't ease up some then she will be in the crazy house. I understand it's not being done on purpose. Is there any mediation the doctor can give to help calm him down some. Not saying we want to knock him out but just something to control it. I'm ready to beat my head up against a brick wall. 😱

Some of these posts made me chuckle. At least my mom is quiet most of the time, but when she gets into calling my name and asking to "turn me over" it drives me absolutely batty. If I ignore it the volume will escalated, if I respond I am told 1/she didn't call or 2/she doesn't know what she wants, and the turn me over only makes sense when she is in bed, not sitting in a chair and not every 5 minutes. Sometimes changing her location will stop it for a while. Mirtazapine helped a lot, but I hate to up the dose for such a little thing.
The thing is I can toilet her, change her poopy clothes, feed her, dress her, attend to all her physical needs, but is it this one "little" thing that is going to break me?

My 90 yr old mom is bipolar and has been on Risperdal for 10 years.
She does not have dementia. I'm talking mental illness here. She's been living with me (and MIL with Alzheimers). My mother makes noises constantly. Grunting, mumbling, fidgeting, muttering, etc. It drives me crazy............
Her loud TV helps a bit. There is no peace in my home. I have no privacy.
Don't get me wrong, Every day - I choose to do this.
It just helps to vent because I don't dare air my feelings to just anyone.

I also wanted to mention that Mom's body is stiff. She has hardly any flexibility. It is hard to move her and she continues to lean to one side.