My Mother has no interests anymore. She was always such a vibrant, social person and now does not want to do anything. Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?

I too have all your same issues. I have taken my mom and gotten her on anti-depressants. She says she is taking them. However, I'm not allowed to touch her meds. So, I can't really check. It is amazing how my mom relies on me for everything. But, yet wants to maintain her independence. She has tested all her relationships including ours. Her lack of social skills and/or her desire to even be social is horrible. She never feels good. And yes, she has become a drag. I have come to except the situation. She will never be the mother I once loved. She is just this little old lady that is withering away. Sorry, I'm not much help in solving your problem. But, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. If you need to vent, I am here to share your pain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lack of interest in doing the things one once use to do and enjoy is a sign of depression and she probably needs to see a doctor. A basic anti-depressant like welbutrin might be all she needs to perk her up once again.

Has your mother always had poor boundaries or is this something new?

Dear hadenough, I have been asking myself these same questions...my 83 year old mom just seems to have no motivation to do anything. It breaks my heart to see this once intelligent, creative woman just wasting away her life. She lives with me and I have tried to encourage her to get interested in some hobby...she thought she wanted to take up crocheting again so we got everything she would need and she worked on an already started project from years ago for one day and now it all sits in her closet. She then decided that she would like to take up art again...she used to be quite good. So, we got her everything she would need, papers, pencils, acrylics, water colors, etc. She has perhaps worked on something for a day or two and now it all just sits at the art center I created for her here in my craft room. Just the other day she remembered that she used to do stained glass and asked if her stuff was still around for that...I told her it wasn't. Other than reading, books and the newspaper, mom does very little. I am the one who has to get her up and moving to go on her appts. and push her to go to the two social appts. she has each week. She always enjoys herself once she gets there, it's just getting her there! She would sleep the day away sometimes if I allowed it, but I do try to get her up and moving by 9:30 each day...if she wants to nap later I'm ok with that but I do like to get her up and cleaned up. My mom is also losing her sense of boundaries, I think it is just part of the dementia...she just can't remember the rules of the game of life...it's just too overwhelming and confusing so she doesn't even try anymore. I too want to know what makes the difference between the vibrant, active elderly men and women that I see who are older even than mom and the shell of a person who used to be my mom? At her last hearing aid appt. there was an article on the counter about a study that was done comparing the correlation between hearing loss and dementia...it appears that dementia seems to go hand in hand more times than not with those having hearing loss. I guess it makes sense...if they are not being stimulated through hearing their world would indeed seem to get smaller and smaller. Don't know if that's what happened to mom or not...I don't even know if this is something that can be avoided...but I would sure like to try and keep myself from suffering this same disease. My mom is also already on an anti-depressant, but it truly doesn't seem to make a difference any more. Perhaps she is just tired of living...how sad it is to watch the decline....my prayers are with you...hang in there.

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I especially want to thank
cscstle & Mstone55 for your thoughtful answers. Sometimes others in the community do not realize that we have been to the doctor, gotten the antidepressants, jumped through the proper hoops and it does not really matter. Cannot force my Mother to take antidepressants when she insists "They don't do anything." What she means is they do not make her young anymore. She is 89 but we are not allowed to say anything about her age or the fact that she is old. She is so vain and self centered. I love my Mom very much but these are the facts and this site is where I come to for venting and maybe some possible solutions. The reality is that there is no solution for aging. We get old and die, always has been that way and always will be. I just really want to learn from this experience so I will not put my children what I am going through right now. Would give you all hugs but haven't figured out how to do that yet! Prayers for all.

Mom may just be feeling helpless, lonely, and bored...three things that manifest into what many folks would like to label depression. Before you resort to possible meds for the symptoms, find creative ways for her to feel useful ...get a book on Eden Alternative, a philosophy which is a holistic approach to aging, and I guarantee you will be enlightened....

I certainly do not know all the answers, but have read up on the aging & their issues. One thing is that the elderly begin not caring what they wear or about personal hygiene. Two, they wan't to sleep & sleep & sleep. Three, they lose interest in going places & working on projects. And I agree & have often thought to my self that the aging become like little children, needy; It is not so exciting though as having little children. With little children, they are learning, you are teaching and we as Mother's & care givers were younger then also. Now, for instance, I am in my 70's (74 1/2) and I am not young. I think young but I get worn out trying to keep up; The plus, ;), I sleep well @ night.

I am one of those nurses that think anything can be fixed. That idea is not always a good idea, but keeps things more positive. So, with the hearing aids: I took my Mother to the hearing people & finally got her a pair of hearing aids that seem to work, as good as it is going to get, for her. I kept thinking, if she could hear better @ least she wouldn't be so detached when there were lots of people around, that she could stay engaged. But to accomplish this, it has taken a lot of me. When she has pain, I search for a way to free her of her pain. When she is blah, I try to engage her in an activity. I also get her up after she has slept 12 hours; sometimes she will dose off in her chair after breakfast & sometimes I let her & sometimes I do not. She needs to be drinking more water & other liquid. She doesn’t have time to sleep! I keep thinking I will encourage her initiative, but generally it does not, but sometimes... She likes to sew & was a professional seamstress at one time, so I keep a fleece around for her to work on and sometimes some mending. She does a beautiful job of mending. But all of this takes a part of me also & then with the repetitive conversation. Yikes!

Oh, another thing she does a wonderful job of is washing the dishes. She does not do a hurried job. She also likes to iron but she’s a perfectionist & her back will start hurting. She says these jobs warm her up. She complains of being cold all the time. It works better if I help her dress in the AM & be sure to get under’s, long sleeved tops & warm socks on her. It is a 24-7 job minus her sleeping time. She does sleep well.

I am very thankful that I have a Mom who is sweet, thoughtful, kind, non-complaining for the most part, and easy to work with. I am sorry that some have parents who are so disagreeable; I know how hard that must be. I wouldn’t want to be in your place.

Your question: Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?. I would say, not necessarily, but it seems we don’t always really have a choice. One of my comments to my daughter is that I pray I can age so gracefully as my Mother and then I tell her I am a first born, & an organizer & that she probably should just put me in a home so I can help take care of all those others who are needing so much. ;)
Maybe I written too much. I always pray that something I say will be of help to some one, even though I am just venting also.

June, you are commenting on a thread from 2012, I'm not sure how many of the contributors are still on the site.
It's great that you can talk to your mom and jog her memory, but eventually even that little piece of your mom may disappear. My mom stares straight ahead into space. Most of her comments are only one or two words, she rarely speaks in sentences any more. Some days I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I am her daughter, or that she even has a daughter, or what a daughter even is. Today she told me she didn't even know who she was and didn't know her own name. So when people are saying they are caring for a shell of a person, that their mother has "left the building", they don't want to hear Pollyanna statements about staying light and happy. Sometimes it is a struggle just to make it though the day.

Same has happened to my mom. She has continually shrunk her world and makes me her "world". It is a heavy burden to know she has no interaction except me. This is what some elders do in my experience - not all. I think it stems from insecurity and decreasing control -- they are afraid and little by little withdraw to their comfort zone (home, TV, etc.). I agree with others about depression and medication can help -- but they have to take it. Dementia and Alz also lead to this isolation, withdrawel and disininterest in the outside world.

In my mom's case, she is insecure (guess never noticed this when I grew up) and my father was her world. He died and she kinda of rose to her "independence" for about 18 mo then slipped. She was around new friends but when they "judged" or made comments about the way she dressed or talked to certain people; her fragile ego couldn't take it and she withdrew completely from the group. This was the downhill fall to not venturing out anymore for new friends, new places, etc.

I guess best advice is try to take your mom to senior center or go with her on a senior outing and slowly introduce her to others in her age group. Maybe initiate a tea or luncheon with other senior friends at your house and slowly encourage her if she is open to it to develop new interest or friends to talk to and be with.

Hopefully this will ease your craziness. PS -- I see many active seniors who continue to do for others, volunteer working sometimes 40 hrs per week to stay active and busy and have full active schedules; my mom isn't one of them -- but I sure hope to be as I get older!

Most of the winning I read here is from adult children with parents who never were supportive, but actually narcissists who emotionally abuse the children and they are hoping for change.

Anyway, who remembers being changed, toilet trained or trained to learn to eat with a spoon or when they first learn to ride a bicycle. I know that I don't.

It's good that you evidently have a good relationship with your adult children and always have, but several people here never did and likely will not in the future.

Also, often the health needs of a parent are far more than one person can tend to and at that point a nursing home or memory care unit is needed.

The other understandable resentment that I read here is when siblings do nothing to help with the care of their elderly parent, but leave it up to one person, usually the daughter to do.

You know, I re read all the posts and I don't see anyone saying that their parents are boring, I'm not even seeing any disrespect, at least not on this thread. The OP talks about boorish behaviours, as do many others. Ginger, I expect your kids don't see you as an adult toddler because you don't act like one! I don't think that anyone should have to accept bad behaviour from their parents just because they are your parents. Yes, it is sometimes dementia, but for some it can be a lack of respect for their caregivers too!