Her happiness seems to depend on a daily bm. Is this common and how do I discourage her from talking about it constantly. She says, "I know you don't want to hear" and then describes the event anyway.
Not to mention that you had to hand wash diapers back in the 1920's when my mom was born. My mother's obsession is diarrhea. Her doc helped me by pointing out that this eas actually still a fatal disease when mom was a girl. (Still is in most of the world)
My mom went through that too. For about 4 years she obsessed about her bowels saying she was constipated and would overdose on Milk of Magnesia and then get the runs. It got so bad she had several accidents and she would have 2 or 3 bottles of the stuff hidden all over her apartment. (and she was very clever, moving it around, etc) It drove us nuts, because as her dementia got worse, she couldn't remember things. One minute she would say she had diarrhea and 1/2 hour later she would say she hadn't gone in 4 days. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. She is in the middle stages of alzheimers and doesn't remember she was worried about her bowels so we don't know if she goes or not, but she isn't buying MOM any more.
My Dad was having issues with bowel movements until I bought him some prune juice.... guess you can say that topic ran its course. I think some elders talk so much about their health is because they don't have anything else to talk about. My parents live on their own, so they have just each other to talk to and Mom is almost deaf.
I'm trying to get Dad to subscribe to high speed internet and cable TV so he would have other interest beside which knee is hurting today.... [sigh]
You can't understand why, as a caregiver, that I would be bothered that she needs to tell perfect strangers at a restaurant that she and her dog both are having bowl issues?????? Are you out of your freaking mind? It bother's me greatly - AS IT SHOULD!
My mother is on about six different types of laxatives (some prescribed by 3 different doctors! Even after I tell them about the other prescriptions) and is having hourly pure water stools, yet she thinks she is constipated because her "gut" hurts. OMG - I'm at my wits end. I keep trying to talk calmly and rationally about it with her, but she truly believes this liquid BM is bypassing or somehow 'wiggling' around her impaction in order to become a liquid state!
She won't eat properly and uses the fact that her liquids are limited due to heart failure (although she doesn't drink even the daily allotment!) to account for the liquid bowel constipation.
She is very self-centered so I think I will try the tact that I heard such and so was having the same problem, but they have now had a very large and successful BM and are no longer bothered by it after the same treatment regime that she has been on - she hates to be out done, so this just might be the answer!
Thank you all for your advise and believe me - I can sympathize with each and every one!
When my dad moved in he went in to great detail about his bathroom experiences. I kept telling him TMI but to no avail. Pretty son I stopped responding completely as if I didn't hear him, after a couple of weeks he stopped sharing. (His dementia is still mild.) Now that he is taking iron supplements, I ask him every few days if he had gone just to make sure things aren't backing up.
I used to travel 1,400 miles two to 3 times a year to discuss Mom's BMs with her. That, and how horrible the food is at the Independent Living facility my parents lived in. And then there were the weekly phone calls that were more about her BMs than anything else (like how I was doing.)
I guess that when you become elderly there's a point when the focus in your life becomes pretty darn narrow for some folks. BMs are one of those focuses. LOL
I do want to mention that one of the posts I read talked about a MIL digging the poop out with her fingers. My Mom did that, too - it's pretty common. BUT Mom refused to wear the surgeon's gloves my sister gave her to use - my sister's a CNA and got her a huge box of 'em. Mom ended up with a colon infection (we think she may have cut herself inside the rectum with her fingernails when "digging"). The infection was the catalyst to her death - infection spread, eventually got to her heart...etc. So try to get Mom to use gloves, because I don't think you can talk her out of not digging.
You know,,,,despite the fact that my sister & I used to laugh about the all-important BM REPORT & UPDATE - I'd give just about anything to be able to sit with Mom for one more conversation....even if it was to discuss her bowels.
Years ago it was taught that having a daily bowel movement was necessary and a sign of good health. It's a hard habit/belief to break for many elderly people who become hyper focused on their health in their limited daily world. They're looking for signs and symptoms of health or illness. Additionally, the use of laxatives can become like an addition for some. Some people have taken them so much they can no longer have a normal bm without the use of laxatives.
Digging out of poop? Often done when someone is severely constipated especially from taking some types of medications or having a poor diet.
As we approached 50, I moved my hubby and I moved to a plant-focused mostly vegetarian diet, after reading Dr Andrew Weil's book "8 Weeks to Optimum Health". We now have MANY meals that no one "had to die for". AND we are both in good health - great blood pressure, take no prescription meds, healthy weights (yes, we'd like to lose that extra 10 lbs) - at 60 and 65 yo. Healthy digestive systems - never a problem.
Eat more fruits and veggies, and less meat, and everyone in your home will be feeling better. My almost 93 yo MIL who lives with us also rarely has an issue.
Anita - BOY DO I AGREE - my 90 year old father - who is in EXCELLENT health for his age - eats very little meat (steers clear of red meats) - he actually prefers veg meals or occasionally fish....always drinks unsweetened green tea, oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast for the last 30 years, likes fresh fruit and everything is in moderation. No meds (except for an enlarged prostate). Takes a centrum vitamin every day. Exercises 5 days week - including lifting 25lb weights. Takes a daily walk.
His blood pressure is just fine, no heart issues, cholesterol count is lower than mine (I'm 55), blood work came back near perfect, vision is pretty good despite cataracts, circulation is in fine order, bowels regular,,,walks without any kind of aid - he can out-pace 70-year-olds. His mind is clear and sharp. The only thing that is shot is his hearing - but that's a result of a service-related injury.
My son's a Vegan. I'm thinking of hopping onto that wagon!
I absolutely hate all of this. I think i am going to lose my mind. I will make sure that my children know that they better put me in a nursing home when i can't take care of myself.
With me it's my HUSBAND who's giving me a daily bowel report. He's been suffering from constipation recently, which is now clearing up but he keeps telling me all about it. Honestly it's really putting me off him.
Actually your poop is a sign of your health. Both the frequency and how it is. Perhaps she has concerns and that is why she shares. Or that it was good and she wants you to know. I definitely wouldnt be disrespectful by doing the lalalalal method (while it made me laugh as there are times I'd love to do that).
My dementia father in law was constipated and has been known to use his finger to get his poop out. Ended up in the hospital from constipation. I'd listen to thise stories to head off a serious health issue.
Another thing to consider, since she points out she knows you don't want to hear it...perhaps shes doing it to see your reaction? If you start paying attention, stop 'yucking out' about it she might stop. Either way, I'd show respect...and be at least somewhat interested as it is a sign of her health. And if nothing else, gives you a story to share and laugh with others.
A lot of meds cause constipation - try a little prune whip for dessert
I think my psych 101 course said pooping was a basic satisfying need like eating or sleeping - if she can't go and is grouchy maybe it's understandable
I'm trying to get Dad to subscribe to high speed internet and cable TV so he would have other interest beside which knee is hurting today.... [sigh]
My mother is on about six different types of laxatives (some prescribed by 3 different doctors! Even after I tell them about the other prescriptions) and is having hourly pure water stools, yet she thinks she is constipated because her "gut" hurts. OMG - I'm at my wits end. I keep trying to talk calmly and rationally about it with her, but she truly believes this liquid BM is bypassing or somehow 'wiggling' around her impaction in order to become a liquid state!
She won't eat properly and uses the fact that her liquids are limited due to heart failure (although she doesn't drink even the daily allotment!) to account for the liquid bowel constipation.
She is very self-centered so I think I will try the tact that I heard such and so was having the same problem, but they have now had a very large and successful BM and are no longer bothered by it after the same treatment regime that she has been on - she hates to be out done, so this just might be the answer!
Thank you all for your advise and believe me - I can sympathize with each and every one!
I guess that when you become elderly there's a point when the focus in your life becomes pretty darn narrow for some folks. BMs are one of those focuses. LOL
I do want to mention that one of the posts I read talked about a MIL digging the poop out with her fingers. My Mom did that, too - it's pretty common. BUT Mom refused to wear the surgeon's gloves my sister gave her to use - my sister's a CNA and got her a huge box of 'em. Mom ended up with a colon infection (we think she may have cut herself inside the rectum with her fingernails when "digging"). The infection was the catalyst to her death - infection spread, eventually got to her heart...etc. So try to get Mom to use gloves, because I don't think you can talk her out of not digging.
You know,,,,despite the fact that my sister & I used to laugh about the all-important BM REPORT & UPDATE - I'd give just about anything to be able to sit with Mom for one more conversation....even if it was to discuss her bowels.
Digging out of poop? Often done when someone is severely constipated especially from taking some types of medications or having a poor diet.
Eat more fruits and veggies, and less meat, and everyone in your home will be feeling better. My almost 93 yo MIL who lives with us also rarely has an issue.
His blood pressure is just fine, no heart issues, cholesterol count is lower than mine (I'm 55), blood work came back near perfect, vision is pretty good despite cataracts, circulation is in fine order, bowels regular,,,walks without any kind of aid - he can out-pace 70-year-olds. His mind is clear and sharp. The only thing that is shot is his hearing - but that's a result of a service-related injury.
My son's a Vegan. I'm thinking of hopping onto that wagon!
My dementia father in law was constipated and has been known to use his finger to get his poop out. Ended up in the hospital from constipation. I'd listen to thise stories to head off a serious health issue.
Another thing to consider, since she points out she knows you don't want to hear it...perhaps shes doing it to see your reaction? If you start paying attention, stop 'yucking out' about it she might stop. Either way, I'd show respect...and be at least somewhat interested as it is a sign of her health. And if nothing else, gives you a story to share and laugh with others.
I think my psych 101 course said pooping was a basic satisfying need like eating or sleeping - if she can't go and is grouchy maybe it's understandable