Her happiness seems to depend on a daily bm. Is this common and how do I discourage her from talking about it constantly. She says, "I know you don't want to hear" and then describes the event anyway.
This used to drive me insane too until I found a friend who's father constantly did the same thing and we began to "compare notes" and found lots to laugh about. Now I search for BM situations in life just to tell her about it and it's become an ongoing source of humor. There's nothing like a good "BM story"!
My mother's doctor says this is very common in my mother's age group. We started tracking BMs on the calendar with happy faces so she wouldn't forget that she went that day (and to avoid unnecessary laxatives). My mom has been talking about it for years. I only set one boundary about when it's inappropriate to talk about it (and she never crosses it): when we are eating dinner with the whole family. At her age, it's a very important part of the day and key to her comfort and happiness. It's such a little concession to make because she's happy when she can talk about it. We make a little game out of it and always laugh when we can - give it nicknames "boom boom chat," the "poo chart," etc. Hey, join in the fun and talk about yours too! We'll all be there one day.
When my MIL insists on doing the same after I have asked her not to - I have used the "oh so adult" tactic of putting my fingers in my ears and repeating lalalalalalalalalalalala until her lips stopped moving. She stopped talking bathroom, began badmouthing family members and guess what? I have created a multi-use lalalalalala, but you must put both fingers in your ears for the full effect! I FINALLY have a tool that will work every time. GOOD LUCK!
I suppose you could ask "And how is your vagina today?" But seriously, A little colace my take the drama out of bm's. Or an herbal supplement or probiotics. They say our gut is our second brain, so maybe there's reason to have a measure of awareness as to what is going on there.
Lol, my mil does the same thing!!!!!!! I have told her I only want to know if you can not go but still sometimes she will go into detail. I have no idea how to stop this insane sharing, I love treatmenttime's answer! My mil is obssesed with not being able to go to the point where she wants you to give her laxatives all the time. I really have to word my questions in the right manner because if she can lie and get a laxative she will. Here is one better: I always check the bathroom out before I go in to shower, no telling what mil has left laying around-used depends, toilet paper, etc (nope, she doesn't have any mental problems just is that way and has been all the years I have been married to her son) so I was in the shower one day and as I am getting out what do you think I saw on the bathroom floor...............a piece of POOP!!!!!!!! I was horrified. I then go in and asked her if she had an accident or something, nope, much to my ever growing horror, SHE PICKED IT OUT WITH HER FINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I call my husband and tell him he needs to come home and have a talk with his mother about digging poop out of her butt and then I bleached everything. We have to tell her frequently not to pick poop. My mil and I are not in the same book when it comes to hygeine, etc, I am pretty sure we are not in the same bookcase! So just he glad she is only talking about it and not picking it out in your house, in your main/guest bathroom and then going around touching things.
Hello Marie unfortunately this is normal for some elders, they go back to a childlike exsistance, so just go along with her as hard as it maybe, make a joke of it with her, tell her yes Mom I have to go too but could you tell me about it a little later, and just laugh when she says it sometime. When it gets to be too much maybe just leave for awhile. It maybe hard for you to understand, but she does'nt think anything is wrong with this. Good Luck.
Here is an idea that might stop her talking about it completely! Start talking about yours!!! Yeah, and make it sound like yours are better than hers!
This may sound crazy but ya never know she just might stop and find another topic that will bug you because I think the reason she continues is because she knows it gets under your skin. Once you level the "playing" field I'll bet she'll quit.
ange02 is right on the mark. It is expected of geriatric patients. I also think the suggestion about making a game of it is also good. I find the lalalalalala method rather disrespectful.
I can't understand why a caregiver would be bothered by this really harmless discussion. Listening to what the person has to say and even participating in the discussion seems to me, at any rate, to be a very normal part of caregiving.
I've been dealing with similar BM stories from my mom. She's constipated, things are too hard, nothing the doctor gives her helps. I finally started giving her a constipation recipe recommended by the local university digestive care center. Equal parts of prune juice, oat or wheat bran, and applesauce. Start with 2 tbsp per day and go up to 4 or 5 if needed. It tastes quite good, seems to help her, and has cut down on the BM discussions.
But seriously, A little colace my take the drama out of bm's. Or an herbal supplement or probiotics. They say our gut is our second brain, so maybe there's reason to have a measure of awareness as to what is going on there.
This may sound crazy but ya never know she just might stop and find another topic that will bug you because I think the reason she continues is because she knows it gets under your skin. Once you level the "playing" field I'll bet she'll quit.
I can't understand why a caregiver would be bothered by this really harmless discussion. Listening to what the person has to say and even participating in the discussion seems to me, at any rate, to be a very normal part of caregiving.
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