Should I contact the police?

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My Father is a natural born control freak. Was in the military all of his life and loved the control his rank provided him. Since retiring, his controlling behaviors have ruined his marriage. I was forced to return home to care for him after a massive heart attack. My stepmother refused to return to help with his care.

Every holiday is "Hell" in our home. This 84 year old insist on being a part of meal preparation, although he never washes his hands. I've watched and counted on one hand the times I have seen him use soap and water after using the urinal and bathroom during the span of a week.

I advised my brother, the one in charge of cooking the turkey, to arrive early or my Father will start to prepare turkey himself. Well, when I woke up this morning, the turkey was moved from the back room to the kitchen and was soaking naked in the sink. I wanted to die! This was not my Father being helpful, this was him taking charge and controlling how the bird would be prepared. I ended up having to rinse the turkey several times under warm water to remove any possibility of contamination. I placed the turkey in a temp tray and back in the fridge it went. I went to a friends to prepare a cake and several pies as she had a larger kitchen. When I returned several hours later, I had a host of goodies and a large pan to place the turkey in. My Dad made the observation about the pan and proceeded to bark an order. He told me to place the turkey in the large pan and return it to the fridge. I said ok but was in the middle of unpacking the box of treats I had made. I received numerous dirty eye rolls and huffs as I didn't do as I was told. I sat down to eat my dinner, Chipotle, at 9:00 pm. Mind you he received his dinner promptly at 4:30 pm before I left. He barked the order to switch the pans again .... I responded by asking, Can I eat my dinner first? I hadn't eaten much all day! That's when he proceeded to stand up, and push his walker to the back where the turkey was. I asked what he was doing and he said he will do it myself. My fear was he would contaminate the turkey again and there would be no turning back. So, I wiggled my way past him as he opened the door to the office area where the second fridge was. That's when he used his walker as a weapon. He jammed the walker against my right leg to prevent me for squeezing by. I took a blow but kept on going ... I opened the fridge and the second blow from the walker pushed the door up against my back .... He continued jamming the walker against the door and my legs. I finally had to take control of the walker and remove it from him. That's when he started screaming at me.

I have a nice bruise for picture sake but he has gone too far!!! This is assault ... Should I contact the authorities? If nothing is done he will do this again and he needs to be taught a lesson.

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Littletonway .... A final diagnosis was never given. However, my Dad has stenosis of the spine. It seems that might have had something to do with this new condition. He was given a treatment of antibodies for 5 days and is now able to walk again. He has been moved to a rehab facility.
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I agree ba8alou ... My therapist has suggested that same thing. It's extremely hard to do though!
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Hopeless, sounds like your Dad may have Normal Pressure Hydrocepalus. Sounds like they may have done a spinal drain. This is one of the tests for NPH. If patient shows improvement in walking after this drain, they normally do several other non-invasive type tests to comfirm. NPH has a website that can provide you with good information and the names of doctors in your area that can possibly help your Dad. Good Luck!
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If you can, try to separate your prior experience with you dad (controlling, military, etc) from the manifestations of the disease that he has.
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Hello Bookworm,

I'm not sure what has to happen to gain the attention of the VA, Doctor's or any other agency that says they are here to help me take care of my Father! Hopefully while he is in rehab, the speech therapist can assist in a proper diagnosis of Dementia and help us understand exactly where he is at with things. If she is willing to document things, I can take that to his Dr.'s and possibly get the ball rolling that way! One thing that was discovered during his hospital stay, is that he has additional fluid around the brain which will cause increased memory and balance issues. I am finding that this is a very long drawn out process with many twists and turns. However, I am going to stay with it. Thanks for the advice .... I plan on documenting everything upon his return home.
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Happy New Year to you Crystal1224!!!

Quick Update: My Dad stayed in the hosptial for a week and then was transferred to a rehab center. The Doctor's at the hospital could not determine why he lost the ability to walk so suddently. They ended up giving him a treatment called IGG. It assisted with the swelling he may have been experiencing on his spine. Since the 5 day treatment he is able to walk again. I guess I didn't expect things to move so quickly.

So, he will be at the rehab center for at least a week or two. Now, I have to face what to do after he comes home. Yeah me! LoL
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Hi Hopeless, I just finished reading your thread. It just depressed me. I was really, really Hoping to find in the end that you finally were able to get the VA aproved for NH for your father... I have found this site in June of last year, 2012. I have jumped around other people's posts (like yours). From what I've read, in cases where the dementia/elderly parent refuses help - social workers, part-time home care visits, adult daycares, etc.... The authorities (DMV, Doctors, Police, Adult Protective Services, etc...) will NOT step in unless they are a threat to themselves or others. I guess, they figured a bruise on your leg is not a threat to you. {Being sarcastic} Obviously, they want your father to either break your bone or something and MAYBE they might step in. But, from what I've read on this site with the different discussions, the parents ended up left on their own without intervention. The authorities will step in if they were found starving, or too sick to get help, etc… Usually by this time, the parents are in very bad shape. I think you’re only option is to do your best to persuade the primary doctors to TEST him. You will need to Document everything in a Matter Of Fact way. Do NOT be emotional. I guess you need to come across as Level-headed for them to realize that you find the situation serious and not as if you’re trying to send your father “away” so that you can keep the house, etc….

Have you tried being neighborly with the neighbors? Try to gain friendship for yourself and a stress reliever. Maybe, if they happen to drop by, and see what’s happening, they can be your eyewitness. Again, I think it is Very Important to document everything.

Here on island, the prosecutor was allegedly abusive to his wife. He knew where to hurt her where no bruises showed. One day, he did it and this time she had enough and fought back. Except, she fought back in anger. He immediately went to the ER and had them document the bruises from his wife. He then pressed charges on her. It was quite a mess. His ex-first wife came forward and testified for the current wife. Be very careful, Hopeless. And document, document, document! HUGS to you!!
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Thinking of you Hopeless and hoping you are doing okay. Happy New Year to you. Hugs
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@ crystal1224 - I'm hanging in there! Super tired .... Will promise to keep you guys posted more often.

Hope all is well with you.
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@ jeannegibbs .... I'm on autopilot. Spending days at the hospital and when bad news is presented to us, my heart sinks while I try to fight back tears. This has been difficult to understand and watch. I'm stressed, tired and emotional. Hopefully all three of those will subside!
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