Selling my home with dementia patient co-owner. Any suggestions?

If you sell this home, one half of the assets from the home belong to your mom. As to buying a home with her again as POA more complicated in all likelihood than selling. You have a diagnosis I am assuming that your Mom is no longer competent to act in her own behalf. Your POA powers to sell property and to buy other property depends upon the language in your POA and how well written it is by the attorney to did it when your Mom was competent.
My own opinion is that placement of your Mother is better, for her own safety and for your own life ongoing. If that requires medicaid then you as POA can get her Medicaid. That DOES mean that the home cannot be sold until your Mom dies, and when it is there will be medicaid clawback by the government for her care.
What you need now is not the opinions of those of us on Forum, but the advice of an elder law attorney. You have big decisions to make that will be life changing for you and for your Mom. I sure do wish you good luck. Take deed copies and your POA with you on the visit. Mom's assets pay for this visit.

Read the PoA form to see what puts it into effect and see if it covers you handling real estate affairs. Start there.

Her house won't be considered when applying for Medicaid for a NH bed. It would only come in to play after she passes. Her part of the equity would be in the estate/probate and the state could go after it to reclaim monies they spent for her NH bed. It is also taken in to consideration of you living w/her prior to NH in the house to care for her and that you own half the house. Often times, Medicaid doesn't go after the home - BUT - if they did: Only her 1/2 would be considered. You could sell and give Medicaid her half. You take your half and buy something else. That's pretty much what would happen no matter who you co-own a house with - everyone gets their interest of the investment.

If she has no money or assets (besides the home), it's probably not going to be an AL facility she can go to. Check with your state - more than likely she would have to be self pay for that. Usually Medicaid, those with little income, only get qualified for a NH bed.

ASAP, you need to consult a certified Elder Care attorney with a proven track record of being Medicare knowledgeable in your state.

The OP hasn't been back since creating this thread.  I wonder if she's read all the answers and/or if she's still around??

"none of my brothers would help, I felt obligated to step up... and here we are. "

And she's quite young, still, and you are only in your 30's?

I hope someone can give you advice on how to sell your house and get your mother moved into Assisted Living.

You have done plenty for her; time for your brothers to step up and do something.

Yes. It is possible. Contact an eldercare attorney for starters. State laws differ and come into play later on. Federal law covers Medicaid and there IS a look back period to get aid. Certain local agencies can help cover some of your day to day concerns and this will help reduce your stress. There is a mound of paperwork involved for everything. Take it 1 step at a time. In my situation there are 3 siblings in different states and the POA is the resident sibling that has an extremely difficult time handling decisions. Mom was in denial and so were they due to being enabled their entire life. The out of town siblings handled moving Mom to a facility, cleaning out the house, selling it and moving the resident sibling within a very short period of time. It wasn't easy but it can be done. There are still issues that need the resident POA's attention but the 3 siblings are working together much more efficiently and calmly now that Mom has the care she needs. Please be aware that you need to take care of yourself and that you are "not on the hook for the rest of your life."

First suggestion has been made by several respondents - consult with EC atty. Some offer a limited free consult, so have as many Qs and financial information available as possible before the consult.

"I don't believe the stairs are safe anymore.."

Temporarily can the second floor access be blocked off? Are there bedrooms and bathroom on the first floor? This would buy you a little time, while you work out a plan.

"I have power of attorney over her, but I don't know if that is enough to make a call on selling the house or not."

This is why it is important to consult an EC atty. Unless you understand the wording regarding selling property, it's best to get legal advice. My mother owned her own condo, set up as a Life Estate (won't discuss this here, but my opinion is this is a bad idea unless the 'owner' can remain near to or to the end.) The atty told me I could sign ALL paperwork related to the sale, EXCEPT the deed. Despite dementia and living in a MC facility, I had to get her to sign it and have it notarized.

In your case, because there is joint ownership, there are MANY details that we aren't privy to, such as:
 Did you use equal amount of money to purchase?
 Is there an outstanding mortgage?
 If mtg, does she pay 1/2, incl RE tax and ins?

The actual "share" of everything would have to be legally worked out. Medicaid, if applicable, will be picky about this.

Side notes:
Try not to bring up topics that lead to arguments. Avoid anything that might or does set her off. It will make your life better! It's hard, but it can be done.
Panicking - have you discussed this with her doctor? They might be able to prescribe an anti-anxiety, which might take the edge off this. If it happens more later in the day, sun-downing, which can be helped with medication.

"What I would prefer is that she go to an assisted living..."

AL might work, for a little while. It depends on her dementia level. While she may not currently wander off, being in a new, strange place might lead to her wandering off. AL provides assistance, not constant oversight (or even minimal really.) At the very least, if you choose AL, make sure there is a MC unit associated with it that she can transition to. Might be needed sooner than you think!

"...mom did zero financial planning, no assets, no retirement, nothing."

This likely won't bode well. As you noted, many do say "just put her in a home" and it is NOT that simple. Being co-owner on the house is going to take legal assistance, but that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Medicaid, IN GENERAL, does NOT pay for AL (includes MC.) In some cases they will pay for the medical needs, but that might, at most, cover half the cost, usually less, esp with AL.
NOTE: MC is considered medically necessary, therefore it is fully deductible on Fed return - frees up tax w/holding.

In most cases, Medicaid covers NH care, but additionally the person needs to qualify for NH. It sounds like your mother has some medical issues along with dementia, but not likely enough to qualify for NH. Medicaid in many states DOES provide in-home assistance. This might be an option for you, esp if you can block off the second floor access. Having someone to watch over and assist with needs, it will give you a break, time to unwind, do things you like, get chores done, etc.

LEGAL assistance needs to be addressed first, so you know where you stand RE the house. If you both fully own the house (no MTG), then half would likely be her share and if managed well, it might cover some time in a facility. If not, inquire atty about selling and buying something smaller, and securing Medicaid in-home help. Your mother must get some income from SS - depending on how the sale/purchase goes, use her share to save for future facility and/or more in-home care and your share to buy the new place.

In a case like this you have no option but to find an eldercare attorney who can advise you legally how to handle this situation - you are going to need legal help both for the house and what is to come. Do not wait. Take control at once before she destroys you and your life. Good luck.

You need to find out:

1. What the terms of the house purchase say about future sales, for example whether just one party can force a sale, or whether it requires the agreement of both parties (i.e. both owners, i.e. both you and your mother).

2. Whether your mother is yet deemed incapable of acting for herself (probably, by now, but get a qualified opinion); and if so how you go about having her certified as such so that your POA gives you the right to act for her. What the POA allows you to do should be specified in the documentation you have with it.

The processes are broadly the same in principle wherever you are, but the devil is in the detail and you had better get legal advice on the correct steps to take in your state.

It is in any case a tedious, laborious and often frustrating process, but that's what you need to get ironed out. Once you have, you sell the house, divide the proceeds as laid down in your house deeds or whatever agreement you and your mother entered into on buying the house, then you take your share and you use your mother's share to pay for a facility. Not my area, but I believe you'll be looking for a facility that accommodates Medicaid funding after a period of self-pay; again, best to get professional advice on that.

How closely involved and informed you keep your mother will depend on how well able she is to understand and participate. It may be better not to include her in discussions - and not because she'll argue! But because if she is past the point of being able to act for herself, then thinking through and weighing up the various options will be burdensome and stressful for her.

You mention a ton of medications and multiple appointments - are you discussing your mother's mental state and the progression of her dementia with any of these medics?

Your POA obliges you to act in her best interests. That's okay, in that it won't stop you moving ahead - it's not in any person's best interests to have as her primary caregiver someone who doesn't want to do the job and is finding that it has got beyond her. It does mean you should take into account what you know about your mother's preferences and get as close to them as you can in reality.