I’m new to caregiving. Thank God for this site. Hopefully someone has some words of wisdom for me. My mom moved across the country to live near my family when my dad died 2 years ago. Since I am the nice daughter and I love my mom, I'm the special chosen one to be the caregiver. My siblings call mom on the holidays and on her birthday. Other than that, I don’t hear from them. Many times they won’t even return our texts or phone calls. I’ve shouldered the entire burden of moving her cross country and taking care of her every need. My siblings haven't been very helpful at all. In fact I really need them if not only for the moral support, but I’ve been written off. They just can't be bothered. They are both doing very very well financially and enjoy going on extravagant vacations every year. My husband and I have always just managed to keep our heads above water (we lost everything including our home in the Great Recession and will likely never recover financially nor enjoy a retirement). My mom has inherited a good deal of wealth and is a compulsive spender. She has lived a lifestyle far above ours and my dad did everything for her. She expects my husband and me to keep the lifestyle going without any offer of compensation. There is very little she will do for herself.
Lately she has been very angry and manipulative, complaining about what a good life she used to have. She gets angry when we don't include her in everything we do, and if we go several days without calling and checking on her she punishes us somehow in a very passive aggressive way or through some sort of emotional blackmail.
She is already tired of living by herself and wants us to buy a home with attached in law suite, complete with kitchenette and second bedroom for her sewing, both of which are her non-negotiables in a new home. If we pursue this option, we would very likely have to relocate and move our 8th grader to a new school and he wont be able to start high school with his friends next year, She says she will help us buy the home 50/50. but she expects us to sell it if she has to move into an assisted living home so she can use her portion of the money toward it.
I just can’t imagine how the rest of my life is going to play out. I have three children and I have spent a lot less time with them since mom moved near us. It’s only been 2 years but I’ve just had it. I’m already burnt out and worse, I feel terribly guilty but I’m just so angry! Can anyone relate? How in the world do you balance compassion, love and boundaries?