We are about to sell our home; we expect to realize gains of about $400,000. I am 84 and will go on dialysis within the year. My husband is 82 and has begun cognitive decline. We are still able to live independently, but need help. I don't think we need assisted living quite yet.
My question is whether we should rent or buy our next living space. I think renting would make transitioning to assisted living much easier when needed. We have no other major assets and no heirs.
No, but I think we can heard the faint albeit very distinct distant thunder of a stampede coming.
Ma'am,
It would be very wise to start visiting places that offer different levels of senior living. Comparison shop.
You can start familiarizing yourself with places that include independent living and progressive needs. You may want to talk with someone in the senior counseling industry such as a senior care manager, (aka: geriatric care managers, elder care specialists, aging life care professionals, or professional care manager).
I'm not a spring chicken myself. Did you ever Google…Senior vs Ederly? Senior are those who are between 55 and 65 years old. Older than that…we be elderly.
Don't wait for something to hit the fan. It couldn't hurt to start looking around while YOU can make a choice. Your husband is depending on you.
I have friends, Katie and Max, who are in an almost similar situation as you and your husband. In their case Max is 84 and has a touch of dementia. Katie is 81 and tiny. (If Max fell the best Katie could do is vacuum him). They are adorable and always have a glint of mischief in their eyes. Their adult children lived 4 hours away from them.
Thank goodness, seeing the writing on the wall so to speak, three months ago their kids convinced their parents to move closer to them just in case something should happen, and into a 3 tiered; independent, assisted, and progressive care, senior living apartment complex.
They moved before something happened not when it happened.
In no time Katie and Max familiarized themselves with their new building, the grounds, the staff, and they started making new friends. Although the husband needed a little cueing he became a whiz at finding the dining room, the rehab building, how to manage the community's private little bus that got folks around on "campus" and all the fun places. And best of all they loved not having to cook or clean.
I'm here to tell you they moved to their new place in the nick of time.
Six weeks after they move it seemed as though a giant hand flicked a switch.
She needed to go for a week's stay in the campus' rehab quarters luckily in the same complex as their apartment which enabled her husband to visit her everyday. He had an assigned helper to make sure he got up in the morning, prepare himself, never miss a meal, and checked on him for bedtime. And on his own he visited his wife thanks to the little campus bus. Assistance was always close by. Katie was not worried for the little while she and Max were apart, and their still-in-their-working-life sons and daughter weren't scrambling and having heart attacks about their beloved mom and dad.
Katie and Max are back in their new apartment and they look forward to getting involved with interesting people, seeing their family more often, not worrying about each other. They're staying curious, and discovering new things.
Please forgive me but it doesn’t hurt to start looking right now.
Katie and Max, may you have a statue erected in your honor in the Elder Magnificence Hall of Fame.
Step two is downsize to a main building, studio, 1 or 2 bedrooms. Assisted or independent living. Step three might be memory care if they need it. Step four could be rehab or nursing care home, right there onsite. Gym, game nights, parties, transportation.
In your situation, that's what I'd do. You'd have transportation to dialysis and other doctor appointments. Husband could advance to memory care any time without a big push to find something on short notice.
Two of my friends had a villa, then he died. She was able to stay in that home until she had a stroke. It was easier for her to live in a 2 bedroom apartment after that, with rehab around the corner and dining hall down the hall. She's still there, grateful for the choice they made many years ago. At times of crisis, they didn't have to create a plan because they already had one. That's a blessing.
You don’t need the responsibilities of homeownership any longer .
And having to move your husband with dementia more then just once is never recommended as people with dementia do MUCH better with routine and do not like their routine disrupted.
So I think it best that you now think long term and what's going to be best for the both of you, and my opinion is an assisted living would not only suit you both now but will also in the future.
Or find a community that has Independent, Assisted, Memory Care and Skilled Nursing all in the same community.
If you "expect to go on dialysis within a year" you may need more help than you realize. (or want to admit)
I moved 13 years ago and the thought of packing up and moving again is out of the question. As I have told anyone that asks my next move will be when they put a tag on my toe and wheel me out feet first. I can't imagine selling my house, packing everything up and moving to a place just to move again in a year or two.
Look for a Continuing Care Community and enjoy the amenities that are available.
If you rent from a complex it will have better management than renting a house from a homeowner.
Assisted living means just that, you pay for the help you need assistance with and do the rest yourself.
Please check into Assisted living. They are not all created equal and some are lovely facilities with great food and activities. You would be able to do as you please and have assistance available when needed.
Dialysis takes the wind out of your sails. I have a 32 year old friend that gets it 3/4 times a week and his life is getting Dialysis and recovering from Dialysis with a couple hours in between to maybe do something else. Your life will change dramatically when you start Dialysis.
Best of luck and Prayers that you find a place that is a good fit.
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