Husband refusing to change POA from irresponsible brother. What can I do?

Well, if your husband passes away tomorrow, the POA is null and void. A bigger concern would be if he were to live but not have his faculties. You would be unable to do anything about the POA in that case other than file for guardianship.

I am curious what control this gives the Brother over you and your husbands marital assets and finances. I think I would need to seek legal counsel.

If the only reason is that he doesn't have the time or mental energy to make the appointment or drag himself off to the lawyer's office you can work around that by getting one of those do it yourself forms, or having your lawyer draw up the documents and having it signed and witnessed somewhere convenient. But I have the feeling that wouldn't satisfy him either... what do you think is the real reason he won't make the change? And why would he appoint his brother instead of you or your daughter?

If your husband doesn't respect your capabilities enough to give you POA, it becomes slightly less surprising that he's not interested in your opinion either. What has gone on, here? When did he organise POA; and do you know the reason for his original choice?

SusanRei, I just thought of something, could be your husband is only allowing his brother to be POA because they both are from the generation where only males dealt with legal matters.... [sigh] Or it could be that is just how it is done in his family.

You didn't say if he is of sound mind, but I am assuming he is. Perhaps you could get all the information together concerning POA's, what happens under this or that situation, the difficulties you and your daughter would have if he were to become incompetent and explain it all to him.

Another point I thought about is this: when I got all the forms to do my dad and mom's POAs, (several years ago before they were both so deep into dementia as they are now), I worked on the forms, had an attorney friend to read them over, I also had paperwork done at the same time so that I would have guardianship of them and will be the executor of both wills. Mom and Dad were happy to sign them and it was the best decision we could have ever made. With that being said, do you know the extent of your hubby's POA? They are not all the same. And, does it include the guardianship language or make any kind of provision for what happens if he become unable to make a decision to change it. My attorney friend said that it is common practice to include these things together.

Just thinking........................sorry. I know this is a worrisome thing for you. Nothing harder than trying to make good decisions for and taking care of someone who doesn't want to cooperate. Good luck. I would certainly get some legal advice.

SusanRei, I know it can be frustrating, but it is your husband's choice, as long as he is still of clear mind. There isn't anything you can do if he is determined to have this brother as his Power of Attorney.

I would first consult an atorney and disentangle your assets from his, as if you were getting divorced. If your husband is incapacitated and your brother has access to joint accounts, you are even in more trouble. You might even need to divorce at that point, but in some states I believe divorcing an incapacitated spouse may not be possible. Thus, you need to get an attorney involved.

Before you disentangle, you might want to tell your husband what you are doing and why. That if his brother is in charge of him at some point, you may have to divorce to protect yourself from the brother in law. That might cause your husband to reconsider.