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After several years of caregiving we recently moved my parents to AL. I did considerable research on available facilities, and settled on a facility where other family members had been and has an excellent reputation. It's been a rough transition, but they finally appear to be settling in. My siblings are concerned about the quality of care they are receiving but I have seen nothing that raises a huge red flag. For instance, I don't think it's a big deal if Dad's hair isn't combed or if he chooses to nap in the middle of the day. These were common before placement. The facility has answered any questions we have posed with professionalism. Nothing is going to be perfect - especially in the middle of a pandemic. What would you consider a good reason to justify a move to another facility? Would moving them cause more harm than good?

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Yes, more harm then good. They have just begun to settle in, everyone is adjusting including the staff who are just beginning to get to know your folks. Be patient know you found a place with a great reputation. You did good.
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I would not move them, it seems they are settling in well. Every facility will have problems some worse than others. This place has a good reputation and I think your siblings are being too picky. Your dad was probably tired , nothing wrong with taking a nap at his age. My 97 year old mother takes a nap in the afternoon sometimes. I would keep them in this facility and just monitor their care. Good luck.
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Certainly there is nothing about a nap during the day or uncombed hair that would be a good reason. I think there is a need for some boundaries here. Who has the POA to make decisions on the ALF. It sounds as though YOU found this one. Sounds the family is there only to criticize? Sounds as though you did the in home care also?
Don't become the whipping boy for their complaints. As long as you are relatively happy with placement that is great. And if they think they can give better care in home that is great as well. And if they would care to get out there and tour other facilities, tell them they are welcome to do so, and that if they find the ideal place at the ideal price you will consider it (again, assuming you are the POA).
Sorry, but just offhand it is your family that sounds like a bit of a pain. Nothing you mentioned here is earthshattering at ALL, and you are correct in your assessments that there is no "ideal" in life.
Wishing you luck. Get the book Boundaries and read it. I think your family needs some.
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frazzledteacher Aug 2020
Yes, I am the POA and spent MONTHS researching before I put them in there. Siblings tried to steamroll me. I did not handle this particularly diplomatically, but I did put my foot down. This has not been well received. So what in everyone's opinion WOULD constitute a reason for a move?
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In my personal experience, it’s been “all bets off” since the pandemic hit.

The issues of hair and nap are MINUSCULE compared to loving attention, scrupulous sanitation, and some gentle sense of order and schedule.

I would also assume that “adjustment” during difficult circumstances may have revealed some behaviors that weren’t seen while at home but may be revealed innocuously in the new setting.

I would NEVER consider moving my LO at this time. Her life has been disordered more than enough in recent months. She has been moved to a different floor, and the results weren’t terrific even with that rather minor change.

Be vigilant when you visit, but certainly no concerns that I see.
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frazzledteacher Aug 2020
Thank you! Family members are painting me to be heartless because I don't care about such things. It hasn't been perfect, and I have had to question certain things, but the staff has always answered my questions to my satisfaction and in a professional manner.
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A move can cause more harm than good.

Assisted living facilities will typically do whatever is on the care plan. Hair combing can be added or maybe dad can be encouraged to do it himself. I would not be wanting someone to keep my loved one awake all day if they want a nap. Our bodies recover during sleep and as we age we get tired. Your family members are being difficult and they could do great, irreparable harm by moving your parents looking for perfection. Tell them to comb his hair if it bothers them. That is probably the most petty complaint I have ever heard.
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The combing of his hair would bother me too. Does he dress himself? If so, then combing would not be part of his care. If they dress him, then yes his hair should be combed. You may want to tell others that ALs are not prisons. They cannot make a resident do what they don't want to. If Dad took a nap previously, why is it such a big deal now? Most elderly people nap. ALs are residences that have staff there to help with ADLs if needed. The one Mom was in had residents who had their own cars. They are not LTC facilities.

Actually, good for you that u don't worry about the little things, I did. My girls thought I was OCD because it upset me if Moms clothes didn't match or they combed her hair wrong. I actually took a brush and hairspray to Moms AL. I then did her hair. My GF was the hair dresser there and would curl her hair for her. I washed her clothes so I would put them on hangers in sets. At the LTC she eventually went to I had to even put her bra on the hanger. Why? Because they weren't putting it on her even though it was in her drawer with her socks. My daughter has worked rehabs/ NHs so I asked her why. She said because the aides dress from the top down. By the time they saw the bra, her top was already on. Because Mom was busty she couldn't be skin on skin. It caused a yeast rash that was hard to get rid of so she needed a bra. My Mom suffered from Dementia. Even though she had no idea how she was dressed, I wanted her to look nice.
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