My mom (90) with dementia, dilusion and paranoid behavior. She was wandering out in cold at night and about to drive; police took her to hospital; transferred for TDO and treatment at behavioral health center. Their evaluations and observations are that she is "improving" but still has dementia, paranoia although cooperative. She wants to go home and hire care (she has refused or cancelled care/assistance in the past; but told me today (I talked to her on the phone to try and "prepare" her that I will come for her but not take her back to her hometown) she will cooperate and have in home care. I have located a wonderful memory care facility 1/2 mi from my home where I can visit often and help her reengage in life activities (church, dining out, shopping,etc) which she hasn't done in her hometown now (no friends, neighbors, family nearby). I live long distance and work full time so caring for her full time or part time is not an option for me.
I spoke with mom today as they want to discharge her next week from the hospital. She wants me to come and get her but exploded when I told her I was moving her to my state and she was going to a wonderful place for "rehab" to continue getting better. She snapped out of her dementia (so to speak) and was very angry and lucidly declared she wants to go home and get in-home care in her hometown. I know she "thinks" she will be in more familiar surroundings in her hometown; but nobody visits her, calls her and she can go weeks without leaving the house. Neighbor says she is not locking door, leaving garage door up, wanders around and frequently confused and angry when approached. She hears voices. This is our 3rd police visit to her home in 5 months.
I am getting POA copy; but there has been no competency hearing and I wonder if she will take me to court or her medical records (primary care physician, recent hospital stay, police visits of recent) will support my position of moving her to memory care.
She is very adamant (this has been ongoing for yrs) that I just want to "put her in a home". I just want her to be safe and nearby so we can have a relationship. If she returns to her home even with full time care, she will still be isolated and I can't be there to supervise or make sure she's got good caregiver.
I've got to make a decision this weekend on which way to go. My gut tells me, move her where she will be safe and I can monitor her care close by. My heart tells me do what she wants (and if I do that, I'm going to walk away from this). If I choose the latter, I will arrange for the care and walk away. I no longer intend to rescue her.
If any of you have been here or know of others who have faced the same, what advice would you give me?