Really going off the tracks here... looking for relationship advice.

Dorianne and Gershun (clapping hands fervently), well said! Well said!

Gershun, you raised some very significant, relevant points. Parents bear a large responsibility for instigating respect in their children, but children and teens are also exposed to peer pressure, which often lacks any common sense at all. And then there's the tv and all the silly programs with people hopping in and out of bed w/o even getting acquainted, and as often as one might go to the grocery store.

TV programs are unfortunately, in my opinion, contributors to negative and disrespectful patterns of behavior by both sexes.

One of the very negative trends I've noticed since the last election and so much focus on the romping and indiscreet POTUS is that local newscasters are dressing more provocatively, to the point of looking like fools. I've not seen as much of this though from the prolific and apparently unlimited source of commentators.

One particular local newswoman is now wearing clothes that probably at least 1 if not 2 sizes smaller, seems to had implants or is putting giant balloons under her bodice, and is wearing skirts well above her knees.

She's an attractive woman, but now she looks like a fool.

I was thinking about this even more as I watched the news of Barbara Bush's death. Although I wouldn't necessarily have agreed with her husband's policies, I still think she's a "class act", as are the other women of past Presidents. They're all professionally dressed.

CeeCeeisme, you've suggested a good way to handle the first get-together, stating up front that it's not necessarily a lead-in to a more serious relationship.

Karsten, I've only just seen this thread.

I have to admit I would have said don't email. Leave it to chance.

Well, I'm glad you had a nice polite reply back.

Do me one favour. If you do, genuinely, happen to find yourself passing her office; and it does, genuinely, happen to be around the time of her coffee break... lovely!

Just don't make a t1t of yourself, eh? Bear in mind that attractive, pleasant PTs get an awful lot of compliments from people whose elderly family members they are caring for. Don't read any more "she likes me!" into the situation than is really there.

Poor Karsten, I don't think he is considering spreading his seed just yet. Although I could be wrong. Lord knows I have been in the past. But I think if he was a jerk (sorry to be talking about you like your not here Karsten) he wouldn't be asking for dating advice on an Aging Care forum. Just a guess.

As for this Metoo movement. I think it's wonderful if men learn something, anything from all this but my guess is maybe not Harvey Weinstein, but Matt Lauer, C. K. Lewis, Ryan Seacrest and all those other morons will be out there again making money in the public eye and everyone will just let it go. Wasn't there a basketball player who was accused of rape. Kobe Bryant, who I saw accepting an award for some documentary he did. Everyone seems to have forgotten that little gem from his past.

The only way change is ever going to happen is if Mothers and Fathers teach their children to respect the opposite sex from age one on. Period. The media could do their part too if they would stop sexualizing girls and boys. And people, men and women should respect themselves enough not to allow themselves to be seen as just sexual objects. Just my take on things.

polarbear - I feel sorry for all the women I know who have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted. Which includes....just about all of the women in my life, including my mother, and including me. It's not just a few men, and yes, some women too.  But mostly men. And it's been allowed to continue for so long because people have been turning a blind eye to "boys will be boys" behaviour. It is unfortunate men are now facing similar risks to those women have already faced for decades (centuries) now - having their careers ruined, their reputations destroyed, their entire lives in tatters, etc. Hopefully when everyone comes to understand the actual meaning of "consent," we'll all be able to move forward into a future of mutual respect, and we'll no longer need a #metoo movement.

Karsten - This definitely sounds promising! Sounds like you are taking things just right. Hope you will let us know what happens! Don't let the seriousness of the discussion scare you off, lol.

"You seem like a very nice person and, if it's okay with you, I was wondering if I could ask you out for a cup of coffee. No pressure. If you say no I will completely understand and respect that".

I do feel sorry for the men out there looking for a date or a mate. With the politically correct world we're living in, men have to literally get it in writing before they can give a kiss, a hug or even a compliment or else they risk getting accused of sexual harassment. Then careers would be ruined, reputation destroyed. Not saying some men and even women aren't harassers.

Just be careful Karsten. Protect yourself. Don't spread your seeds around unless you have money to pay support for 18 years.

Boy, I worry for my two teenage nephews.

Good for you. Stop by and chat but keep it casual. Don't show your hand too soon. See how the conversation goes and go from there. You know what to do! Let us know how it goes. :)

That sounds good and your plan sounds like a winner. Keep us posted! You give us hope. :-)

I know this is very very bottom priority but perhaps adding a level of levity here. I did end up sending this PT a more generic email, thanking her for her care for my dad, telling her I had enjoyed meeting her, and saying I was glad I had run into her the last day as I had not seen her around for a while. I said I had wanted to stop by and chat but she looked busy.

Received an email back saying if I do find myself in that facility again, please stop by her office to say hi. So perhaps I am keeping the dialogue going. Will wait a while before emailing back.

Karsten, I wish you best of luck when sending an email to this nice person, and taking a chance on meeting a new friend. You'll never know if you don't ask, right?

I get hit on a good amount and even though I consider myself quite the independent feminist, I'm never upset or put off about being considered attractive to someone as long as the approach is genuine, and they're understanding if I'm not reciprocating. I always say you have to take the chance.

Maybe AC isn't about relationship advice, exactly, but no harm in asking your question. Good luck!! I'd love to know what her reply is to your email if you want to come back and post about it!

If it were me and a man e-mailed me I would be turned off. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a person. I wouldn't send flowers..........too desperate and kind of stalkerish. I would muster up my confidence, go to where she works or perhaps discreetly found out when she takes her Lunch/Coffee breaks. Approach her with a big smile and a warm handshake and tell her that you think she is a delightful person and would she like to go for coffee. Don't make it seem like a date. Ask her about herself. If she is attached, she will let you know pretty quickly. Then go from
there.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the metoo movement in my opinion. It's a man attracted to a woman who wants to get to know her, period.

Karsten, I noticed you mentioned that this lovely lady doesn't wear a ring.... please note many people who work in a hands-on health care facility do not wear rings because of all the constant hand washing between patients. Just food for thought.

I wouldn't write an e-mail, as the lovely lady may not remember who you are as she has a lot of clients who come and go during the week, constantly changing. I would be more impressed if a fellow came to me with a thank you card, and ask me some basic physical therapy that I could use for my Dad.... if that goes well, then light heartily ask me if I could like to go out for lunch. But then again, I am old fashioned.

I am happy you asked your question on here! Most of us who are single are so far away from even thinking about romance, I find it delightful that you are! I've shared elevators and had short interactions with fellow caregivers when my mom was alive and different times I wished there was a way to continue the conversation.

I think a very short, light email saying you appreciated her care of your father and you'd love to get coffee sometime if she had any interest. Include all of your contact info and let her respond. If she doesn't, oh well. You tried, which is all you can do. And for Pete's sake, keep us posted on what does or doesn't happen! We can live vicariously through you. Good luck!! :)

After reading the rest of the answers after the one to which I just responded, I wonder also how people manage to get together these days, not only b/c of the issues discussed but b/c so much interaction is through wireless or wired devices, which is far away from just talking to someone in person.

One of the e-mail and wired or wireless device limitations is that you can't see someone's expression unless you're interacting through photographic devices. It's easy to misunderstand someone's position just from text transmissions.

Karsten, I have to take issue with your statement that you "probably should not even have wasted peoples time on this issue which is 1/1000 as significant as the real issues people here deal with every day. But thanks anyway. I will drop her an email."

Your mental and physical health and well being as a caregiver are VERY significant, and interaction with friends, or someone who's more than a friend, can make a very big difference in your life.

Since my father passed, I've had a chance to get together with family for meals out, and it's helped me tremendously. I feel more centered, less anxious, and more decisive. On the other hand, I'm probably eating too much delicious food!

I think the problem, and the reason for #me too, is that SO many women have experienced some kind of sexual harassment, that it's impossible to know which kind of guy you are facing at any given moment, or how badly/dangerously it's going to turn out. Unfortunately this means all guys get mistrusted from the get go. It's sad for guys but the potential risks for women far outweigh the potential costs to men.

I do think there is room for romance in the professional world. I just think it has to be approached differently - more cautiously and with great respect for the person with the least power in the situation. The potential for abuse of power is still prevalent. And again, the huge and sad history of women's experiences of workplace sexual harassment means it's men who are going to have to adapt, whether or not they've been players in that game. If men are uncomfortable with that, then they need to hold other men to acount for their behaviour until change occurs.

I offered one approach that most women I know would be comfortable with. While the concept of email may seem unromantic to some, it avoids putting the woman on the spot and also gives her a record if her "no" causes backlash for her. Again, I'm not saying THIS guy is "that guy." I'm saying he should probably adapt his approach BECAUSE of "that guy."

Tothill,
Having worked in medical offices myself, (we can no longer use "me too" in a conversation), and never had any advances that were inappropriate, you are exactly right. "Showing up would be inappropriate".

That is why I said "Send flowers". (Delivery).

This gentleman is trying for a relationship, not trying to just thank her. If that were the case, he would be sending a plant to the office staff with a 2x3 card saying "Thank You" if it were just her work he appreciated.
The language of flowers is unmistakable. She would not be put on the spot if the flowers were delivered, imo.

What if she is "the one?".

Can he give her the chance to say "No"?

Again, the language of flowers would dictate, (just like in the movies), if she doesn't want a date, is offended, she can dump the flowers dramatically, in front of her co-workers, in the nearest office trash can and not reply at all. imo.

I give up giving advice; if romance is this hard now, one has to walk on eggshells, overthink things, consider the #metoo movement;  maybe the men should just all give up seeking.

Reuben and Rachel, 1871 by Harry Birch (one version):
Reuben Reuben, I've been thinking, what a fine world this would be....if the men were all transported, far beyond the Northern Sea.
to be continued.....

Having worked in medical offices, I have first hand experienced the unwanted advances of a patient or family member of a patient. I would definitely put it in the #MeToo category.

Often when a person is overwhelmed with caregiving they are so starved for simple human kindness that simple compassion from a staff person, can trigger desire. I am not just talking about sexual desire, but the need to have understanding human companionship. It is not appropriate to act upon, it can put the employee's job at risk.

Showing up with a big bouquet and card is over to top inappropriate. Most staff in medical environments are not allowed to accept gifts. A simple thank you card is appreciated. If it was her work that you appreciated, then a letter of appreciation to her employer is a nice gesture.

You need to look elsewhere for companionship.

Karsten,
No to the e-mail.
There was one month, maybe she was not on your mind?
But then you saw her again.

Ok, if you are looking for a match, or just a date, you need to act like it.  No worries about the "metoo" movement, because you are not asking her to undress, have sex.  It would be totally her choice if she said yes.

Send the nicest bouquet of flowers to her at work, elaborate.  There are roses (colors) designated for friendship. Add an elaborate thank you card, addressing only her, with your phone number on it. Then add your e-mail.

If she thanks you by e-mail, forget it.

If she phones you up, with a smile in her voice, talks awhile, ask her to join you for coffee.

What would I know anyway.

I see your point about the e-mail, but the connection to #meto is definitely a thing, in my opinion, because his father is a client of her employer, therefore does have some "power over".....and being the son of the client, and someone who was there when the work was happening, gives him a little bit of that "power over." Some women might feel concerned there will be a negative report back to their employer about their work with the client if they say no.  A situation like that does have the potential to cause her problems at work. 

I'm not saying this IS the case, and I'm not saying NOT to go for it. I've met almost everyone I ever dated through work! I'm just saying be aware of the woman's potential concerns when going forward.

I don't see linking this to the #metoo movement, Karsten isn't an employer who is exerting undue influence or even a fellow employee that could make work life uncomfortable, he's just a family member of a former client. And maybe it's a tech or generational thing but personally I would never use someone's work email about a personal matter any more than I would ask an acquaintance about work related business on their time off, the two lines shouldn't cross.

(I've gotta admit, there are so many roadblocks today it's a mystery to me how people ever manage to get together)

So....just got to say my feminist bit here....one thing a lot of women hate is being hit on in a professional setting. This is partly what the #metoo movement is all about.

Being asked out in a professional setting is at the very low end of that #metoo scale! But I do think it's something to keep in mind. So I think you need try to take it out of the professional setting all together.

I would suggest definitely doing the asking by e-mail, if you're going to do it (which gives her time to respond without being put on the spot), keep it VERY light (no big declarations) and be very polite! And if she says no, continue to be very light, polite....and let it go. (Meaning don't be persistent, otherwise it crosses a line into harassment territory.  Also don't pursue it if she doesn't answer.)  I'd also suggest being slightly apologetic, if her work e-mail is the only one you have. Maybe say something about how you wouldn't have sent it to her work e-mail, except that you didn't have another contact address for her.

I think it is nice that you have a place you feel comfortable asking for advice. Caregivers often feel so isolated... Here we can help each other not feel so alone.

thanks for insights. I probably should not even have wasted peoples time on this issue which is 1/1000 as significant as the real issues people here deal with every day. But thanks anyway. I will drop her an email.

Why not invite her for a cup of coffee and see how it goes? Keep us posted.

Isn't this common with the start of any relationship? You can't know how compatible you are until you get to know each other better, and you can't know if someone is even interested unless you ask. For goodness sakes, just ask if she is with someone and would like to go out for a coffee, I imagine you are both past the age to play coy games.

One caution I would have is that when I think back to all physical therapists I have ever been in contact with, they seem to have all been very alluring and/or charming! I think it's the caring touch plus the physical aspect of their profession.

This could just be my thing, but just a thought to ponder in case there is some sort of "PT super charisma" that can cloud one's judgement as to whether this could truly be a potential romantic interest or new friend.

Medical professionals, for the most part, are kind and caring. That's why many go into that field. Maybe sending her a thank you card for her care of your dad would be appropriate along with your business card. If she is interested, she may contact you.

yea, you make good points. I thought there was some reciprocal interest but then wondered if being nice was just part of her job. Some may say the only way to know is to drop an email and see what happens. If there is no response, that pretty much tells me what I need to know.

Do you have any indication if this woman shares your strong feelings? I think that would be the first indicator of following up on a relationship.

I guess I have mixed feelings about this, but if your father isn't a patient there, I don't see any reason why a relationship couldn't develop if you're both interested. However, she may be a bit hesitant in the event that your father ever does return, and that could constitute a conflict of interest.

I think the biggest issue though is whether she reciprocates your feelings.

I've found that staff in medical situations can be very friendly, but it's only part of their job. They're still very professional, and reserve or limit interaction with parents and their families.

I'd be interested in reading what others' think about this situation.