Are there are others out there who are raising kids and parents?

hope you had a good walk, I walked across the street for lunch it is a besutiful day here in Ga.

Yes, I have 12 y/o and 8 y/o children as well as my 72 y/o mother who has tremendous medical issues (conjestive heart failure, stroke history, severe diabetes "insulin & pill dependant", COPD, neurapathy of the legs, constantly falls, is getting forgetful with some anger issues and grossly overweight). My 12 y/o is recovering from a severe TBI 3 years ago and is currently in Therapy 2x a week.

I work 40+ hours a week and although my husband isn't the primary giver in our household, my children trend to try and pitch in as much as possible. My heart goes out to others who are in the same boat and for me relieved to know that I'm NOT the only one out there.

Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially it's draining, so make sure to take it all day by day.

How do you deal with the childrens xtra activities? It sounds like your mom can't be in th house by herself.

My children don't really have any extra activities. My son has no interest in sports or after school things due to his injuries. W belong to a horse riding club and they are very much involved in that and the horse(s) act as therapy itself as well.

My mother has life alert that she wears all the time and we have been fortunate that if something has happened, we are here. She tries to be very independant and we let her be to a point. I prepare all the meals and have them 'ready' for her in advance, pills are in specific area, etc. Due to her pain, she doesn't 'get up' too much anymore. She also has a mobility scooter that we are requiring her to start using now. We bought a house that is big enough to accommodate us all and one that has hardwood floors to ensure she doesn't 'trip' over her feet and is able to use a walk/scooter easily throughout the house.

I'll be the first to admit it's so very difficult, but I'm all she has. I have no brothers or sisters and her closest realitive still alive is over 11 hours away from us. I can't, until doctor's orders, put her in a home.

Have you been able to get Durable and Medical POA? I would get an atty and start there.

Thank you....Yes we have everything in place and have since my dad passed away 5 years ago as well as a DNR on file with the hospital per her request. I may not agree with her but must obey her wishes.

I may be wrong, but I believe having Medical POA over rides her wishes because she gave you the authority to do such things.

Has a doctor evaluated her for mental competency?

For what it's worth, in my opinion little children obey parents and other adults, but adult children aren't expected to obey just because it is mom or dad who say so. Adult children decided to either agree or not agree.

Sometimes, my mother has asked to leave the nursing home and I would say something like your doctors don't think that's the best idea given your health. Her husband, my step-dad, and his helper tried to take her out for a ride in the car which the medical team and I already knew was not a healthy idea. How'd we deal with all this? Well, I checked her in with my medical POA and with that the staff listens to me after I ask for their input. She no longer brings this up and has come to terms with it now being her home.

Thank you and I NEVER pass up anyone's opinion or recommendations. She actually, despite her health and background, mentally is in pretty good condition. Her doctor and I keep in pretty close contact and my mother is fully aware that when the doctor says "it's this way only" then that's when things will change.

So I'm just hoping for the best.

hazend,

I am so sorry to hear of your 12 yr old son's TBI. When I was 20, I had a bicycle accident without a helment in which I landed on the back of my head that fractured my skull, busted my left ear drum and damaged my left ear nerve. I was semi concious for 8 days and stayed on dilantin for a year. There is a tiny amount of brain damage and when I had MRI recently, the doctor could see the evidence of this accident. I pray for the best for both your son and yourself.

Maybe you have read this book, but if you have not, let me recommend Walking Towards Hope by Paul M. Beckingham who is a survivor of TBI

When do you know it is time for someone to go into a nursing home?

Happy Thursday! Yes, I did have a good walk yesterday and another good walk this morning... this has been my sanity over the past few years - I call it my WALKIE TALKIE time... something about the fresh air, vitamin D, and the friendship makes exercising addictive, fun, and bearable!

As for the POA, I am looking into that today.. and the insurance ? still lingers.

The rest of you guys inspire me and I am praying for all of you! I am so grateful to have these connections.. you are all such strong, caring caregivers. I am only a stay-at-home mom dealing with a dad in a nursing home... I see now how much worse things could be for me... God gives us what we can bear and He gives us strength!

Hazend, how do you do it? My kids are 10 and 6 - we haven't done the sports things over the past years b/c we have been dealing with our parents over the years. My mom passed away in 2006, my fil last year, and my mil in 2000... my kids are growing up w/o grandparents! THAT saddens me... my dad is in the nursing home but he is not the loving type so they don't visit!

Hazend, you can count it a blessing in some ways that you don't have brothers and sisters... however, YOU DO HAVE us as brothers and sisters... siblings by connection, not by blood!'

I am glad that you have the horse riding club! We have church, AWANA, and school activities. HOMEWORK is enough to keep us busy! Due to all of the deaths in our family, our foursome has become quite close and we have isolated ourselves in some ways.

Don't get me started on the soapbox of family.. the holidays are approaching and I could get quite GRINCHY! HA!

You guys have a wonderful day! Remember to take time for yourself - even if it is locking the bathroom door for five seconds and screaming silently! HA!

Gigglebox, you are an inspiration. I like that: "screaming silently." God hears the cry of our hearts. Bless you!

Yes, God hears us! I need to be spending more time with Him and less time on computer, doing laundry.. it's hard to balance everything, however... I feel like I go around in circles... okay, back to my laundry and I have new school pictures to frame!

I have been wanting to put up a THANKSGIVING TREE as well...

Thanksgiving trww why some could be huge, I am skipping the decorating this year and I am a huge decorator but I think I would rather spend that time baking and giving so thats what I will do today it will be the first for me in 40 years but trying to organize my priorities, But a Thanksgiving tree is a terrific idea.

I see sunflowers in your background of your pic... I love those... I have done a little decorating and re-arranging today.

Thanksgiving is so left out of the holiday ! And we have so much to be thankful for!

i LOVE ALL FLOWERS BUT i ESPECIALLY LOVE SUNFLOWERS i PAINT THEM ON EVERTHING AS WELL AND HYDRAGENA'S AND LADY BUGS CHICKENS WHATEVER i LOVE AND ESPECIALLY LIGHT HOUSES SORRY BOUT CPA STUPID FINGER STILL ISN'T HEALED

It is definitely not an easy position to be in..I admire your strength and resiliency. Good luck to you.

Raising kids and parents? I have one sick kid, one sick husband now... balancing it all is hard... just paid bills and now my child is making up the work she missed yesterday at school... such is life!
BUT I put up a THANKSGIVING TREE yesterday - we do have much to be thankful for.. ladybugs n sunflowers! And we have a beautiful fall day outside here today! Smile - it is Saturday!

God gives us strength, Kathy! Thanks for your comment!

Gigglebox, you are a blessing! I want to hear more about your Thanksgiving Tree.

I have a son who is college age and I would like to listen to him all the time, but can't. He is on an IEP and is a handful to deal with at times. I have my mother-in-law, who is 78 yrs. old, and has Alzheimer's. It might be much easier if she had not been sheltered from the truth all the time when she was younger, so we have to treat her like we are walking on eggshells. Since my husband is laid off, he's been helping with her, but I don't know how much more he can take. He's been laid off for 3 months. Stir that in the pot with our son who wants my attention, he and his father are at odds for the time being, our dog is almost 14 yrs. old and starting not to be able to hold his bowels before he gets outside and my m-i-l needing constant companionship, even tho she sleeps a lot. We won't entertain the idea of putting her in a nursing home just yet, because when she went in there for rehab after getting out of the hospital, the nurses had all of our family members get in there and take turns watching her. I mean, what are nursing homes getting paid the big bucks for???

Big bucks indeed! My dad went in for rehab and liked it so well that he stayed... too lazy to do the work so there it is... but I don't have to take care of him or listen to him. The rest of you guys make me feel lucky b/c I don't have it quite so bad... he is in a very good home, has a good roommate and I feel like I don't have to worry about him... Yes, it costs but he worked for it! It's just a shame that the taxdollars don't pay for it... don't get me started, lach61..

As for the tree, it has a Harvest Angel atop, it is prelit and I have coppery ornaments and snowflakes on it with mums and leaves (artificial) poked into the branches. I LOVE IT! And it was my parents' Christmas tree - prelit... it would be really pretty with orange lights only, but I do like rainbows... which is another story!

Raising kids and parents is hard at the same time.. you are sandwiched between taking care of the young and the old, making decisions and disciplining all of them.. It isn't easy.. the older are critical and the young can be rebellious.. take time for you! And don't feel guilty about it!

are you peanutbutter and jelly , bologna, or ham or turkey, me I'm a club LOL

I just love you! I am a PBJ, BLT, grilled cheese club!

Love your sense of humor, Wocky! You gota laugh to keep from crying.. I have had a weekend.. tonsilitis in daughter, bronchitis in hubby and now flu in son..

Thanks for keeping up my spirits - I am not the nursing type! Don't have the patience..

Make mine see food; whatever I see I eat. LOL But with all the stress lately, I'm hoping to lose a little. Gotta get some benefit out of all this grief, don't we?

Seriously, I am blessed to have an easy son to care for. One thing that is on my heart is the difficulty of having two dads in a nursing home, and restrictions to kids 18 years old and younger due to the Swine Flu scare. My son misses playing checkers and visiting with his grandpas, and they miss him coming to play piano and brightening their day. My little joy-giver brought sunshine to the dementia ward, so it's a lose lose for all. And my hubby and I now have to take shifts visiting the dads. This makes things more difficult on all of us.

Gigglebox, hope your husband, son and daughter are feeling better, soon. Please remember to take care of you!

gosh giggles you do have your hands full thankfully your family will be well soon and its not one of those major major diseases. Glad to make you laugh, I am not really a nursing type either unless it was one of my kids but adults I have a hard time with I guess because when I get sick I still have to keep going cooking and what not or they will DIE!! If I didn't have my sense of humor I would be bouncing off rubber walls now theres a thought hmm anything for a vacation. LOL

I can't have a sandwich. I am on a diet and lost 20 big ones!!!!!! But if I could, I would be grilled cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks goodness my daughter is half way across the country and doesn't have to deal with all of this. Take care!!!

Congratulations, lovingdaughter! You are a sweetheart. That goes for the rest of you, too! Have a blessed day.

Thats terrific lovingdaughter keep up the good work

My son actually has the swine flu - it is not very fun.. so much for the immunizations. I am hoping that he will get back to school tomorrow as there has been no fever for 24 hours... The main thing is to get tamiflu in them (it is expensive - at least on our insurance) within the first 24 hours... here it is not as violent of a strain.. I am taking care of me - germX and lysol and keeping my distance... but how do you do that when they want to be held!

August 2008 we had both grandpas in the nursing home at the same time, so I can relate Sister..my FIL was refusing to eat - he gave up on life and passed away in late Aug. M/W my dad fell a few times at home and ended up going in for rehab and he is not coming home cuz he likes it so well. Add this to school starting at the same time - son starting kindergarten and FIL decides to finally go to ER after a long summer of trying to persuade him...