Are there are others out there who are raising kids and parents?

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Most of my elder care, for all seven elders, coincided with my raising kids. It does affect our children and they have to give up a lot of us. I tried to juggle it all, and I'm sure I failed each generation to some degree. But I did my best. It was all I could do.

Here's my story.... and I am so there with you two! My mom passed away three years ago and all my dad would say was, "Who is gonna take care of me now?" and I knew the row ahead was gonna be a tough one to hoe... Two years later almost to the day of her passing, I had to put my dad in a nursing home... I would not put up with his verbal abuse nor would I let my kids (10 and 6) be around him. He's lazy and likes to be waited on and to criticize... My kids come first! He is incontinent and no longer has any muscle tone. He has basically sat too long. He fell, ended up in hospital, and went to nursing home for rehab but liked it so well and wouldn't do therapy!

I am praying for both of you, dstock and nina! It's not easy, I know...! The guilt, the worry, the lack of help from family... don't get me started!
I also am there. I have a 13 yr old and a 17 yr old. My mother does not live with us (thank goodness), but is difficult and lazy and expects me to do everyting for her. She lives in an independant living facility, so does get her meals, but needs a supply at home too. So I do the grocery shopping. There is a laundry room, but she refuses to take her laundry there, so I do her laundry. There is abus to take them shopping and to doctors appts., but she refuses to do it, so I do...She calls a dozen times a day and complains when I am too busy to come rushing over. If I say I'm doing something with or for my kids, she gets jealouse and tells me what a terrible daughter I am because "she should come first!"
It is not a pretty picture and we "sandwich" generation kids have a tough row to hoe.
Not everyone can care for a parent at home. I don't know why people assume this. Not everyone can managing the lifting and turning, for one thing.
Yes, I am in the same situation you're in. My youngest is 12 and I have a college son, who drives me crazy at times. I'm now raising my nephew who is 6 yrs old. I am caring for my 76 year old mother.

I am so overwhelmed and don't know how much longer I can keep this up. My mother lives in her own home and cannot cook for herself or really groom herself. I am over her house twice a day (before work and after work). My siblings do not help out, but just cause confusion.

They call this a sandwich generation (rasing your children on top of caring for a senior parent).
Thank you all for sharing. I know it is not easy being in the position we are in.

I only can try to put things into place when I get to be an elderly person because I do not want to put this burden on my children. This is such an ruff life to go through and especially being young and want to taste LIFE.
Sometimes I wonder if I've sacrificed my young son to my needy mother. My husband says he feels he lost me. Sometimes I feel I've lost myself as well. I keep thinking I'll redeem what I once had some time down the line. Sometimes I think my son will be gone before I realize that I've lost him, too. Sobering thoughts.
I can understand how difficult this is for you. My in-laws are in their 70's & 80's and have lived with us for the past 5 years. Trying to take care of my 7 and 10 year-old while dealing with my mother-in-laws mental decline has been especially difficult on my kids. My father-in-law is able to care for her now, but she will eventually need more care. This situation has also opened my eyes at to how I might begin to plan for myself because I would like to avoid placing this kind of burden on my children. Take care of yourself and remember that your children need to come first.
I've been there and did that so I can certainly understand your predicament. Now my 28 year old son is back home after a really bad relationship and my 83 year old mother is living with me since my father died 2 1/2 years ago she to wants to be waited on and is lazy but thank goodness at my age my son helps a lot he cleans and cooks and does yard work and all sorts of things but I had his other grandmother living with us when he was 16 and she had alzheimers and a slew of other ailments she wanted to do things but couldn't and I think the frustrations she felt plus the fact she didn't know what she was doing or saying most of the time made her nasty. Yes it is a hard life and no help from siblings my husband is on the road all the time so the stress is insurmountable. Good luck to you there are a whole bunch of us sandwich generations.
Ah, the old money game. My brother thinks he is getting half mom's money. Won't he be surprised to find out that we spent it all on her. Nothing is wrong with her that is life threatening, just life altering. So, she gets lots of care and will be here for a long while. He should have stayed with her on our vacations. It would have been money in the bank!

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