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I'm not saying this is a new trajectory, I'm not that naive. But I worry she's going to complain now and this past week she's not had issues getting into or out of bed I know this is the right thing to do but deep down i feel like no matter what I do , I'll get blamed

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Hello. Remember this disease is not linear. One day or two is more normal but not quite; and the next, the disability is obvious. Make your decisions that you believe are in the best interest of your mom and don't let your emotions put you on a rollar coast. The drama subsides once you make a sound decision. Remember the idea is to 'keep it between the line' not an eye on the perfection that doesn't exist.
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Reply to Violet2016
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Jaynelade Dec 21, 2025
Violet, well said❤
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Does your Mom want the bed? My Mom (now 96) is extremely mercurial about things she asks for - partly because of some memory issues and partly because of indecision and perfectionism. In the past she's insisted on an appliance (for example) and then didn't like it inspite of my copious research and her buy-in. So now I video me asking her if she wants something and the fact that if she changes her mind for a minor reason I will not expend energy returning it. Sometimes she preepmtively decides not to get it because she doesn't want to be proven wrong. Not sure this is the method for you, but it has cut down my time on the hamster wheel.

If your Mom has dementia, it doesn't matter that she blames you - her brain is broken. If she was that type of person prior to aging decline, she will most likely be more of that. Be confident that you are running the show and not her. Don't care if she blames you. Ask yourself why does that even matter if you know you didn't earn it?

May you receive clarity and peace in your heart.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You just have to make the best, most informed decisions you can, and not worry about how she is going to respond. You can't hesitate because you fear the blame. She might blame you and accuse you of ridiculous things, because she is not thinking clearly. Don't take it personally.
A hospital bed can make her more comfortable and make it easier on the caregiver.
Make sure you have a good, quality, comfortable mattress. The mattress alone is pretty expensive!
I hope you are choosing a model which raises and lowers. You can set it to the level that is easiest for her to sit on the edge and get in and out of.
When she needs personal cares, the bed can be raised to a comfortable level for the caregiver to avoid back strain.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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I never did one single thing for my mother that she appreciated or didn't blame me for. Including, but not limited to, buying her a brand new adjustable bed and mattress that she hated. Hospice will bring her a hospital bed free of charge when the time comes. In the meanwhile, I'd get her a bed cane and call it good.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Bed+cane&crid=10E15CH30LHSB&sprefix=bed+cane%2Caps%2C426&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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It’s emotionally difficult to navigate making these decisions. If you can, take the parent role out of your decision. Is this a safety issue? That’s a top
priority. Hospital beds can
make a big difference. Whatever you do, know that what you are doing is hard and sacred. Hang in there!
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Reply to Mamashelper2
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Don’t know the whole situation with your mother or what her needs are and what stage of life remains.
You can talk to her doctor and see if he can get you a prescription to have a hospital bed preferably with half rail or if she’s towards end of life hospice they will supply one for her comfort. If none above then just call one of the companies and rent one yourself. It comes complete bed raises up and down as well and feet and head. From experience I would buy a nice bed topper for your Mothers comfort.
Caregivers are there to make sure they are clean, safe and have all their needs met, sounds like you a doing just that. Lots of times they will not agree with you, but your doing what is best for all.
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Reply to Jennytrying
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Are you planning on getting a Hospital bed because of the railings? I got my Mom a bar that slips under the mattress. Its about 18 in wide maybe a little wider. My Mom could pull herself up with it and then use it to stand up.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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firsttimer1 Dec 11, 2025
Because she had trouble getting in and out. And the aid has trouble moving her. Somehow she's much better than she was when I made the decision to look but I assume improvement will be short lived
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One thing I can add to the responses here is that if the entire bed can be raised, it will be easier on the caregiver's back when tending to the patient during changing, cleaning and repositioning.

In the long run, a bed that changed positions helped my parents in their early 90s, as they continued to decline steadily.
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Reply to DaughterofAD3
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Is there a downside to getting a hospital bed? It took 6 weeks for mom’s bed from order to receipt. She will need it at some point so best to be prepared.
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Reply to BenchmarkKid
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I know how you feel. My sister has late stage Alzheimer's. All we can do is our best with the information we have. Sometimes we'll be spot-on and sometimes we'll miss the mark. No judgements here, you are doing your best.
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