I'm not saying this is a new trajectory, I'm not that naive. But I worry she's going to complain now and this past week she's not had issues getting into or out of bed I know this is the right thing to do but deep down i feel like no matter what I do , I'll get blamed
Yes, you may / will get blamed - my question is "why does her response potentially determine what you do / know what you need to do?"
Are you afraid of her?
Tired of hearing her 'complain"
Feel battered down and getting no credit for ALL that you do, do ?
Often there is no shown appreciation when a person is either or both in physical and mental decline. They are scared and nothing you do 'will be right' in their eyes.
Sounds like you need to give yourself a break - get some personal space to regroup.
No one can run on empty.
I would recommend that when she 'complains' that you reframe these words IN YOUR MIND' to "she is frightened and scared, and possibly confused --- and has no one else to dump on / 'blame' - respond to. It is ALWAYS the person / people closest to us that we dump on. There is a safety or perceived safety of familiarly that can be trusted. Or conversely (as I believe), they know they can get away with it and repeat the behavior (as no boundaries are set, i.e. "This is unacceptable ... to talk to me like this. and /or "I'm leaving for a while so you can cool down (this works if the person doesn't have dementia - or actually in some cases, it works (as it did for my client, which shocked me). Somewhere "in there - their confused mind ... they know.
Then, say "I understand how you feel" and WALK AWAY. When you shift - even for an instant (i.e. leaving the room), it will help you shift mentally. If you can leave for 5 minutes to 5 hours when these situtions occur, do it.
Perhaps it is time to get some caregiver help in to support you.
Do not run yourself into the ground.
Know that you do what you know is in her best interest and give yourself credit for that - over and over again.
Learn to shift ... taking her words to heart to having a mental image / barrier to not let them in and see her as a vulnerable scared person.
I do not see what the hospital bed has to do with her sudden improvement.
Although I believe you still need some 'me time.' And, study / read up on whatever her diagnosis is (if she has one) regarding the ups and downs. Dementia does work this way due to different parts of the brain affecting different behaviors / confusion.
Here's a hug and get the bed. Gena
they gave advised you need this bed the your circulation
conversation closed
You can talk to her doctor and see if he can get you a prescription to have a hospital bed preferably with half rail or if she’s towards end of life hospice they will supply one for her comfort. If none above then just call one of the companies and rent one yourself. It comes complete bed raises up and down as well and feet and head. From experience I would buy a nice bed topper for your Mothers comfort.
Caregivers are there to make sure they are clean, safe and have all their needs met, sounds like you a doing just that. Lots of times they will not agree with you, but your doing what is best for all.
priority. Hospital beds can
make a big difference. Whatever you do, know that what you are doing is hard and sacred. Hang in there!
A hospital bed can make her more comfortable and make it easier on the caregiver.
Make sure you have a good, quality, comfortable mattress. The mattress alone is pretty expensive!
I hope you are choosing a model which raises and lowers. You can set it to the level that is easiest for her to sit on the edge and get in and out of.
When she needs personal cares, the bed can be raised to a comfortable level for the caregiver to avoid back strain.
In the long run, a bed that changed positions helped my parents in their early 90s, as they continued to decline steadily.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Bed+cane&crid=10E15CH30LHSB&sprefix=bed+cane%2Caps%2C426&ref=nb_sb_noss_1
Best of luck.
My dad never needed a hospital bed. They all benefitted from a lift chair.
Based on the info you’ve shared it seems a little early but I’m sure there are other factors.
I might start with the bed rails JoAnn29 suggested. on days your mom needs them, she will have them. Assuming here her caregivers (you) don’t need easier access to her while in bed.
If your Mom has dementia, it doesn't matter that she blames you - her brain is broken. If she was that type of person prior to aging decline, she will most likely be more of that. Be confident that you are running the show and not her. Don't care if she blames you. Ask yourself why does that even matter if you know you didn't earn it?
May you receive clarity and peace in your heart.