Follow
Share

I’m living in such a terrible environment with my mother who has dementia and is getting worse by the week. She throws temper tantrums quite often if she is not catered too constantly. She’s very manipulative and controlling. I am totally done. She needs 24 hr care and I’m ready to put her in a memory care facility. I have shopped around already and am ready to make the move. What if my mom refuses to leave her home? I have POA both the medical and finances. Do I have the power to force her to go?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You can do whatever it takes to get her the care she needs.

I would not tell her, I would say we are going to lunch, have your niece set up her room and then you turn her over to the staff after lunch.

Be sure and tell the facility that you need help with the hand off and that she will probably flip her lid, they know how to deal with these issues.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Another idea is to have her transported to the ER the next times she falls or acts out. You tell the Social work department that there is no one in her home who can care for her and that you are asking for a "social admission",
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

My POA gave me the ability to place Mom. Not sure what would have happened if she resisted me. Do you have a formal diagnosis. Her doctor saying she can no longer make informed decisions. He should put this in writing and that she needs 24/7 care in a facility.

I agree, Mom may need some kind of medication to calm her. I would consult with a lawyer. It really doesn't seem fair that someone is forced to care for someone when they should be in a facility. If she does need to go to the hospital and hopefully rehab, thats when you tell the SW that you can no longer care for her. That she needs 24/7 care and to send her home would be an unsafe discharge.

You may want to call Adult Protection Services and see if they can evaluate her. That you will no longer care for her and she refuses to go to MC. They maybe able to force her.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

The answer is that you need to speak to an elder care attorney in your state to find out if you can move her against her will even with a POA.

I live in the state of Florida and I went to an elder care attorney not too long ago to ask the very question you are asking now. I also have a durable POA for financial and medical. My mother was diagnosed with dementia in early 2019.

The answer is I can NOT move her against her will unless I go to court and get guardianship. The only other way is if there is a crisis and she ends up in the hospital and it is determined she can't live alone and I refuse to get involved in her care.

I hope your state has better laws. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Isthisrealyreal Aug 2021
This is a situation where it is better to ask forgiveness then permission.
(5)
Report
See 3 more replies
You have the power to act in her best interests with both POAs. I would suggest that it might go easier if you have the doctor "help" in her admission to memory care.

Since she has behavioral issues, it might be best to talk to her doctor about a short stay in an inpatient geriatric psych unit for behavior modification and medication. Most memory units loathe taking difficult patients that have not had some prior interventional treatment.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Provided your POAs are the type which remain valid if the person becomes mentally incapable then yes you have the power. If however they are the type that cease to be valid if the person becomes mentally capable then you will either have to apply to the courts for (I think in the us you call it ) guardianship, or use subterfuge / the system as Barbbrooklyn and is thisrealyreal say below.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Would her doctor provide the documentation necessary to have her accepted by a facility? You will need that and a statement from the doc that she is incapacitated.

Your POA should state that you have the power to make a residential situation for her.

Without these, your POA will not give you power to make this decision.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In my area adult protective services does not perform a care need evaluation. That is done by the Area Agency on Aging.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Whether you have power to place mother in a facility seems a bit complicated. What is more straightforward is that you are not forced to care for her in your own home. So yes you ‘trick her’ into going in for lunch, and you tell the facility that you will not accept her back. It might be worth talking to APS first - and perhaps to the police, depending on what APS say. It might be better than having to argue it through on your doorstop, if the police turn up with mother in tow. You can then counter with the checks you have already made.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A POA does not allow you to "force" your mother into a care facility. Having guardianship would allow you to do that.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter