My ex and I are on reasonably good terms and speak often. He is sole caretaker for his mother (just turned 100 in May) who is in a retirement home and has been for years. It is the best alternative for him financially but he has to go over there 3 times a day and bring her meals from the dining room to her room and set them up. She has an aide who comes in twice a week to bathe her but he does everything else for her. Runs her to eye doctor, PCP and labs- everything.
Ever since he and I met in 1968 I knew that his mother was a self-centered shrew who was capable of fooling everyone (at least for a while) but I never put up with her crap. She does nothing but give her son grief constantly and he takes it, but I can see the toll it is taking on him.
Recently she got a new aide for the baths and they were talking. At one point the aide said "What would your son do?" and his mom replied "Probably kick me." Now this aide is making it a point to knock and immediately burst in when my ex is there with his mom. She starts all this phoney hugging and schmoozing, "Just want to see how you are, sweetie!"
My ex is afraid that he could be slammed for elder abuse. What would happen in such a case? Who would take care of her; I certainly wouldn't as I have to care for my own mom.