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I know I have to arrange for two prepaid funerals as per the elder care attorney's advice. I have decided to speak to a rabbi first, one that the executive director of my parents' assisted living facility, recommended to me. I have still not heard from this rabbi, and I am encouraged that he will help/guide me but the very idea of funeral planning makes me very anxious and agitated. It is really to much for me, but I can't ask my brother because he is Chassidic and I am not. He is also oblivious about everything I have ever asked him to do.

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I believe that I am right you can use the social security and pension if there is any for the person in a nursing home that the NH gets and also their life insurance which it taken by the NH when someome is on medicaide to prepay for the funerals ahead of time before theNH gets their hands on it and it disappears-they will not tell you this- we did not know this years ago when my MIL was on medicaide-the family should not have to pay these bills.Also she got 50 dollars a month when on medicade and fought the NH to use it for things she wanted instead of then using it to buy clothes she did not want or wear-you really need to keep up on their policies and fight for them-because she was overweight when they had parties they would not give her cake when everyone else got a piece they told her she was a diabetic, I talked to her doc and told him I WAS going to bring her in comfort food once a week and the dietician had nothing to say about-she was at the end of her life and a hambuger once a week was not going to kill her
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We had that argument: dad was declared palliative and yet they didn't want to give him eggs for breakfast every day as it could contribute to cholesterol. Cripes!

Re: funeral planning. After mom dying suddenly, 6 weeks after taking a new job and moving to this town to look after her. I found writing her obituary very positive.

Dad, who we knew was dying from a brain tumour, went very slowly. I laboured lovingly over his eulogy and obituary. I looked back at the great memories, how terrific an adoptive father he was, and lauded his life. It reminded me of the cycle of life. I wish I had prepared and prepaid his funeral arrangements. It would have simplified things.
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