My mother just passed away last month and things have been unbelievable!! My father is getting out of control, threatening to throw things at us, emptying all his bank accounts and getting irate with me because I refuse to assist him spend his money on tractors and cows. He's 73 and a stroke victim of 15 years, unable to go potty by himself. He got upset with my husband for not helping him get his old truck running so he can drive!! He cannot do any of these things BUT my sister has entertained his fantasies and no he's ordering me to leave. We gave up our apartment and my job in another state to assist my mom thru the dying process , she had pancreatic cancer. I can say she died with dignity and grace and I cared and served for her every moment possible. My father was jealous of my care for her and would yell a me to do something for him when he saw me giving her medicine or bringing her something to eat. He is disabled but also lazy , I set up home health and therapy to help him get stronger and he refused. I prepare dinner and my sister comes gets him to get a greasy burger then dumps him back off to me after he soils himself. She takes him to fun things that I refuse like casinos and drinking margaritas, that I object to because his medication and he has had 2 seizures in casinos. He's emptied all his money from his accounts into my sisters he has invested in a large annuity for her, has an insurance agent go to the bank with him and sis has him believing me and my brother are trying to kill him. We got SS involved they are on my side but says I have to have him declared in impenitent. She says he is defiantly showing signs if progressive dementia but I have to have a psych diagnose him. He had some form of a seizure after my sister took him to an attny to change my moms will, in her car but she brought him home and let the ambulance pick him up. I went to see His family doctor which is my sisters doctor also, he will not help. I took the POA to his office and specifically told him not to discuss this with my sister and I needed help. If he could order an examination to test my father for dementia he refused. I signed a list of people that he could share medical info with, my sister was omitted. He sent me on my way fast and less than an hour he went straight to my sister and told her and my father I'm trying to have him declared incompetent. He was released from the hospital that afternoon , I went by the hospital to see him and he told me he didn't want to come back because he was scared of us!! That night my sister and her husband bring him from the hospital and hang out in his room whispering , an hour later the police are called to us as we are BBQ ing and said some one called and reported my father was threatened with a knife. Police decided there was nothing wrong and left but called back 2 more times , they were very agitated with sis and told her 1 more time they were taking her down, they actually told us she was just trying to have my brother arrested, he then said we probably needed to find my brother somewhere to stay but not mandatory. My brother which struggles with bi polar complex confronted my father then sis and brother in law pull a pistol on my brother and my dad yells, SHOOT HIM / shoot him!! I try to defuse this situation and then he turns the gun on me and said move out of the way then redirects the gun in front of my nose and cocks it and says I'll kill you too . He goes to jail and it has been retaliation on me and my husband. All the property is in moms name and I am her representing agent and administrator. My sister is mad about this and turning my life upside down, serving me with eviction notice from the property I promised to represent ,so long question short , what can I do concerning my father and what about the doctor is this not a breach of his fiduciary commitment . PLEASE ADIVSE

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As POA you pretty much hold all the necessary cards to have your father tested for dementia and Alzheimer's. As POA I believe you can also have a restraining order to keep your sister and brother and brother in law away from the house and property. Your Dad sounds like he is ill and is very upset over the loss of your mother. His life has changed and new people entered it and he is unhappy because he has lost his wife but also because everything is not the same as it use to be. People with Dementia and Alzheimer's cannot handle all these changes they need everything to be pretty much the same each and every day.

Your sister is trying to undermine everything you are doing and yet you are the one with the power basically. You need to find a new doctor as this one will go with your sisters wishes from now on and you will wind up fighting him as well. You should find a geriatric psychiatrist or a good neurologist that mainly deals with dementia and alzheimers and have your father evaluated.

Your father may say a lot of false things at the urging of your sister but this too is part of the illness. I constantly have to tell doctors that my mother has dementia and most likely will not give them correct answers to their questions.

You sound like you are in a really bad spot here and it is going to take you being very strong, but try to continually tell your Dad that you love him and you are trying to do what is best for him. They do not always believe you but keep trying.
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