When someone has POA, how and why do they get away with doing what they want? - AgingCare.com

When someone has POA, how and why do they get away with doing what they want?

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And why if a love one knows it is not in the best of her well being, you have no ware to turn. a loved one who can, wants and has been her caregiver is taken away from you. Knowing going against her wishes and lying about it. .

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It is like taking on a second job and taking responsibility for a child.
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My understanding is that as long as my mother is deemed capable of making decisions....even bad decisions...POA gives me the authority to act on her behalf but not against her wishes. So i guess if people do seemingly senseless things, they are either ignoring the limitations of the POA or doing as the principle desires. I think part of my mother's paranoia in the nh right now is she thinks that i am busily selling her houseor whatever. In reality i am wading through years of neglected paperwork looking for necessary documents, clearing up messes, and paying bills and making sure her lawn is mowed
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Anneom, you are so right about being a POA is like taking on a second job. I look around my home office and there are bins after bins of paper that needs to be sorted through and filed, plus dozens of 3-ring binds with financial information. Plus now I need to deal with selling my parent's house, after I finish up removing the contents which has been taking me over 3 months and I am still not through. In the mean time I have been ignoring my own house.

I am too old to be taking on this landslide of extra work. If I was 20 years younger I wouldn't have mind. I am a senior citizen myself with my own age related declines, I feel like I need to be in Assisted Living myself after this :P

I'd be more than happy to hand this job over to someone else.... oh wait, I can't, I am an only child. Just have to grin and bear it, if I live through it.
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Before you take on the role of caregiver for someone, have all their legal documents reviewed. Be sure you are made POA and the health care advocate before you take on the role. An out of town POA or Advocate can make your job hell. Some people want the power but not the responsibility of being a caretaker.
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If what the POA wants to do is in the best interest of the principle, that is how it is supposed to work.

POA confers important authority, but not nearly as much authority and some POAs seem to think.

Why do they get away with it?

1) No one challenges them
2) They commit fraud and/or other crimes and no one notices or reports them
3) They really are doing what the principle wants, even if it does not appear in the principle's best interest
4) POA is fairly easy to establish and even easier to revoke. Yet the principle wants to continue the dysfunctional relationship.
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By the way, POA does not give someone the authority to decide who will be caregiver.
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Sometimes it is the exact opposite, having to make decisions you do not want to make. For me, being my mother's DPOA was a nightmare,but it is over. Never again will I agree to take on that kind of responsibility.
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My parents asked me if I would be their POA - reasons being, I'm their oldest child of three, I live next door. My brother lives about 30 +/- miles north of us and my sister lives out west about 5 states away. My brother made it very clear that he wanted no part of caring for anyone and my sister can only come in to do things for 2 weeks to 3 months at a time and made it very clear that things were to be done "her way". I also signed the acceptance paper for their POA. They also asked if I would be their medical advocate and I accepted that responsibility. Since then - I have had nothing but grief from my younger sister and my older half sister (from my father's previous marriage). They have made a surprise visit to see if our father was being properly taken care of (he was - hospice and visiting Dr's). After the surprise visit I got a call from the abuse line - they had an anon. call that he wasn't being taken care of. I invited them out to have a look and to meet the other care-takers. Oh no they were satisfied this was just a call to cause problems in the family and I was told that if it continued I could file a complaint with them. Next was a welfare check by a local policeman - he just shook his head and chuckled as he left the house (waste of police time). We've lived in the same community and on the same property for over 60 yrs. I've stuck to what my parents wanted for their end of life care - to die in their own home, to not be kept on life support, to be kept comfortable or as comfortable as possible. My father passed 2 yrs ago and my Mom now has Dementia and being a very independent, self-centered individual hasn't made things the easiest, but we are getting along pretty good. I have brought hospice back in because I needed some respite as well whenever we would go anywhere she became very upset when we got home because she didn't recognize the home she has lived in for the majority of her adult life. She cannot be left alone anymore at all and the helper I had for my Dad graciously agreed to stay on to help with Mom. Her and Mom get along like 2 peas in a pod - I love to just sit and listen to them burbling along in the other room like 2 best friends. A person can give up the POA - they do not need to accept it. That is why there is an acceptance page with a POA. My sister threatened to get a guardianship for both Mom and I - she would have to drag the 2 of us to court to prove that we were both incompetent of which I'm not. I told her to go for it. Never heard another word. That has been my experience - I moved in with my folks 3 years ago and have a house sitter in my home to take care of my horses and cats while I'm at my folks house.
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Being POA does not give someone 100% control over every aspect of the principle's life. Generally it only involves handling financial and household respinsibilities. They can't ban someone else from coming in to provide physical caregiving. And it may not include being the one to make medical decisions.
Im lucky in that there are six of us siblings. #1 is developmentally disabled and also fighting cancer, #2, me, is physically disabled. #3 doesnt want anything to do with care but stirs up trouble whenever she can. #4 lives a six hour drive away but spends two weeks a year giving the rest of us a break. #5 has medical POA because she works in the medical field and was deemed the best informed. #6 moved in with mom and is POA over financial/household matters.
A few grandkids and mom's sister also pitch in.
What helps most is having regularly scheduled family meetings where concerns are discussed and caregiving schedule is arranged.
We came up with this plan with the guidance of a counselor from the hospital hospice program. Prior to that there were a lot of arguments and miscommunication as well as confusion over who had what duties.
I suggest talking to a local resource, from hospice, your parent's medical group, or local adult & aging program. They wont make decisions but can help mediate and guide your family into coming up with a workable plan for care.
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Remember why the person who granted a POA to someone. They trusted that person to act on their behalf. You may not know all the reasons why a POA does something, but being a POA carries HUGE responsibilities and those should not be taken lightly. Instead of complaining, try to accept the decisions that person has made in making the (offending) POA. Make an effort to see the POA's side of things.
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