POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?

Typo Gid is God

Put myself in your shoes? Oh, I don't think so. I cared for my husband at home for 10 years. With my sisters I am caring for our mom in a nursing home. I've earned my own shoes, thank you very much!

I do not want to walk in the path of someone who never considers anyone else's opinion because she knows it all and who is convinced against all reason and logic that all it takes to care for someone is love. (Oh, and that she is the only one who has love for her mother.)

Put ourselves in your shoes? Don't be insulting.

ML, you keep repeating over and over that you are not allowed in to visit your mom, and then you also keep telling us what she is doing, what you try to bring her, etc. Simple question, here: When is the most recent time you visited your mother?

All caregivers start out newbies. My concern is not that you are not experienced and knowledgeable -- it is that you show absolutely no sign of learning about your mother's diseases or in benefitting from the wealth of experience available to you from this group regarding caregiving.

You talk a good show about intentions, and I've been convinced that you love your mother. I'm reconsidering that assessment. In spite of all your good words your actions seem to be selfish. It is about what you want, what you need, not at all about what is best for your mother. You had a dysfunctional upbringing (by your own account) and perhaps you would benefit from some therapy to heal from that.

But you are not benefiting from your interaction on this forum, because you refuse to.

Ohjude God bless you for your Gid sent advice only God and his Son Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior could have fostered and nurtured, but my Mom is my MOM and I will not leave her strained in a desert. It would be an enormous blessing to hear what you do with your loved ones day to dy before God calls them home. I plan to take my Mom places she can not go in a nursing center as my Mom begs for quality of life back our family church will be a block away and all Hyde Park, Chicago venues are wheel chair accessible as planned by the most educated and experienced community organizers; such as my Mom attending various venues like church, movies, grocery shopping for food blending, numerous restaurants, parks, home shopping, elderly activity programs at community centers, etc. Ohjude why don't you mention supportive services as you continue to respond as though my Mom will have only me as supportive services. God bless yo for your time, and yes all of us have different shoe and journeys throughout life as God will have it no other way. Please forgive me caregivers for not being a seasoned caregiver. I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence and experience. Again, God bless you for the loving care only you can give to your loved one. Now, allow me to follow in your footsteps with supportive services. At least let me try as I have not walked in your footsteps as you repeatedly live Murphy's law.

Sorry I wasn't going to post again but jings this woman has me fired up. I have no problem with anyone attention seeking - I live with that every darned day but ML you really do take the biscuit.

These people have been doing the job of caring for a long time. They KNOW what is involved FIRST HAND, they know the pitfalls, they know a lot more about dementia, its progression and side effects and what is more they know what is best for people with dementia when it progresses as your Mums seems to be doing. They are also not in denial about what they are able to do from a physical, financial, emotional and professional viewpoint. Now there are one or two who do far more than you could ever imagine but they know what is in store and yes they still do it but many are worn out by it for sure

That you question why she is on a soft diet when she is holding food in her mouth is just one example. She holds food in her mouth because she has either forgotten how to chew, doesn't want to chew, doesn't like the food, can't swallow it and a whole host of other possibilities. The reason they put her on a soft diet is to stop her from shovelling in too much and choking, from trying to swallow without chewing and choking.

This is basic stuff and yet you don't seem to grasp it and if you cannot grasp that then these people are spot on you are so far in denial you need psychological intervention to help you make balanced decisions which, to date, you seem incapable of.

How dare you ask them to put themselves in your shoes. They live it every darned day and I am full of admiration for the great work they do. Your mother would benefit far more from you visiting with her and having a meaningful relationship with her in a care setting than you having her home with you . Yes she may ask to come home but most people with dementia eventually do. My mother asks me to take her home all the time....she lives at home.

Spend time with her playing card or drawing or talking or looking through old photo albums, but don't dishonour the people in here, they aren't insulting you they are trying to help you reach reality

Tacy022 certainly I'll need supportive services, so psychological services is out of line and insulting. Put yourself in my shoes if it's possible.

ML I realise you probably missed my post earlier as you have unusually not responded.
I pointed out that my BIL could eat on solids Mon, but not Tues onward. We are lucky he's having a better week and is eating soft solid food. I'm noticing with my own health issues that what I can eat changes daily too.
I know this is extremely hard for you because you want to take care of your Mum. But if you really do value her needs above your own needs then please realise than folk on this forum are trying very hard to support you.
Not agree with you, but support you. If you truly desire "God's will to be done" re read what people have said about spending quality time with Mum now while you can.

Thanks Rainmom :~) Lucy

See that's the thing, ML. Your mom has a progressive disease and it sounds to me as though she might have had another stroke. She needs to be in a place where there are nurses around who can check her frequently. Not in a private home with aides. If she needed to be seen urgently and was st home, you need to call 911, or get her ready to go out to the doctor. Where she is, care is right there.

Google "pocketing food". It's a symptom of advancing dementia and often leads to choking, aspiration and other bad things. This is why your mom is on a soft diet.

so she is still feeding herself?

Tacy022 the fact is my mother was eating table food about a week ago from the NH and now all of the sudden she's on purée without a swallow test that was mentioned by a caregiver on this post. I was just told she was holding her food in her mouth and no medical reason for purée as she does feed herself.

Freqflyer my Mom has to have assistance to post, but she does have a FACEBOOK page that I created for my Mom.

Debdaughter typo. Please excuse typo.

Due daughter my Mom was seen by a Speech Therapist at a neighboring hospital to the nursing center and she said it's because my Mom holds food on her mouth, but I didn't and wouldn't get information on a swallow test because my sister POA won't allow the staff at the nursing center or hospitals. I just got the information I did because they didn't know my sister was holding a POA over my head even though I am my mother's daughter also. It seems my POA sister has insisted that I be told nothing about my mother's care, condition, and medical records as she has prohibited me from going into my Mom 's room.

I am beginning to wonder that it is not the daughter penning these posts but the mother.... because of the constant repeating the same things over and over and over again.

I wonder if her mom has had a swallow test

Tacy022 God has blessed my Mom with 88 beautiful years of love ❤️ and love deferred💔 so when she ascends to her eternal home I'll only thank God for creating her to be my natural mother.

Tacy022 my Mom will have professional services and will live with family until she desires otherwise.❤️

Pamstegma in Illinois Appellate Court you wait for the judges decision instead of appearing in court.

Captain thank you for emphasizing public opinion about nursing homes and this is actually a nursing center where caregivers come and go while understaffed and underpaid. My mother IMO is treated like w body instead of a person for the most part with only a few carrying personnel.

Thank God for you Countrymouse.😇

Ohjude I gave me the medical conditions on the doctor's report for circuit court 9/18/15.

I am only allowed to visit my Mom from12-5pm and I am not confident in the care she's receiving other hours because she has a broken leg, she was admitted to a hospital that said she had severe strained stool that should have been checked and severe arthritis that hadn't been cared for as she was in pain to the touch. The deadline for my sister POA filing a response to my appellate brief has passed,so hopefully I can take my Mom home soon with supportive services from professionals, family, friends, and church members. I pray to God His will will be done for eternal love sake. I pray my mother's love has not diminished for me because I have taken over a year to get her home with family after she took care of my sister's family with SSA/SSI and I thank God for my phenomenal sister caring for my Mom 30 years and I was blessed to care for my Mom and her needs (my sister changed my Mom though)when my Mom lived with me on the first floor of my sister's 2-flat apartment building from 1995-2006 when my sister allowed me to move on to help her pay bills with my rent in the dilapidated building to say the least. Oh God please help my mother through yet another ordeal as she brings only caring and happiness to others.😇

ML, I realise you posted those details as a way of proving that you are who you say you are, but for the sake of your own security I'm going to report your post - the administrators should delete it. Don't worry, this won't have any bad consequences for you. I'm sorry for how upset you are.

My beloved mother is admitted to Alden Nursing Center in Chicago on October of 2014 after my sister POA blamed me for her building being condemned in October 2014. My Mom begged again yesterday to go with me but I had to beg her to wait for the judges decision. I asked my mother if she fell out of the bed and broke her leg 1/14/16 (I could vaguely understand what her roommate was saying because she had s stroke, but she did say they were checking to see if she had broken ribs but I thought maybe she was confused because only my Mom's leg was hurting 12/25/15 after a hard transport with her arthritis flaring up suddenly) and she vocalized "I fell out of the bed," but my sister POA said she took her for a second opinion from when I transported my Mom (with NH approval and visitation form) Christmas Eve for my church Candlelight services and Christmas to go to Aurora to visit my sister POAs daughter's home. No one will believe my mother fell out of the bed 1/14/16 because the Police Dept,hospitals, doctors, etc. only listen to my sister POA with a POA my mother said she never signed. My Mom is now on purée but she is capable of eating table food and she is begging me "I want to Go with you!" when I leave and I beg her to wait for the judges decision.😂

wow, do you really think this could be the case?

Lucy - catfish was the name of a documentary type film a few years back. It was about a guy who got involved with a woman on line - sent pics, chatted on line for quite some time, maybe even on the phone - can't really remember. Anyhow this guy was really into her but she kept coming up with excuses not to met. Eventually he found where she lived and it turned out she was an almost middle aged woman with a disabled kid. She wasn't doing it as a prank or to be mean - she was disturbed and had kinda created an "alter" allowing her to get attention and live a different life in her mind. Suppose to be a true story but there was some controversy as to its authenticity after the film came out.
So now "catfish" is internet slang for messing with someone online, pretending to be someone your not as a prank.

I don't think she's a troll. I think she's a very damaged person who gets bogged down in the details, like when the bracelet got put on. Has little topic maintanence.

Ok guys I know trolls but catfish?
Please explain :~)