POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?

If your work is likely to be admin then you can also say
Extensive use of PC using spreadsheets to maintain financial and care records, databases to maintain contact records, use of word processing to write and amend reports, use of whichever mail system you use to write and send emails
Additionally I have conducted thorough research using browser to establish the best routes of care or procure materials that are fit for purpose
I have also contributed significantly to improving care by contributing to blogs and forums

Depending on what sort of post you are going for you can add in

Understanding, knowledge and experience of
Safe handling of medication: includes but is not limited to
Checking dosages, timing, monitoring and handling adverse effects appropriately
Prevention of cross infection including but not limited to personal hygiene of carer and caregiver
laundry, furnishings, personal protective equipment, care of equipment aids
Care skills including but not limited to awareness of wellness/unwellness, specific information pertaining to various dementias and the likely progression route of them
Awareness and adherence to laws relating to the elderly and disability
The significance of socialisation in the lives of people who are deteriorating in health
Reporting responsibilities and actions

Or of course you could put brief career break as sole caregiver to xxxxxx duties include: Then list the lot - most employers don't have a clue what we do and let me tell you the list is impressive especially if you have been POA. From start to end the list alone will be over two pages/ some may include:

Liaising with consultants: financial medical and legal
Arranging auditing and monitoring care
Attention to details relating to appointments
Checking reports reviews and ensuring actions are put in place
Researching a variety of care facilities
Managing day to day financial arrangements for another
Handling probate
Care planning and review
Monitoring and reviewing behavioural issues

OMG Stacey, I know this thread isnt about me, but you are sooo right on. I am having a helluva time trying to find a job after caring for Mom. My husband and I are struggling $$$, and my resume with the not having 'worked' for 6+ months is not impressive. I have been offered jobs for 1/2 the $ I was making and me being 50 doesnt help, competing with younger, pretty applicants. Sad but true ... ageism in the workforce is alive and well. It really sucks. I used to hate it when people would say to me, "Be glad you have a job", but a truer statement was never spoken. I am lucky my husband is very supportive and was very proud of me when I left to care for my Mom, but now that I am back home wanting to work but cant....is very stressful. I had no idea job hunting would be so hard, but again, no regrets regarding mom.

ML, you yourself said, that your Mom doesn't remember her Grandson, whom she lived together with you, for yen years. That means, that she does in fact have dementia, to some degree, though you wouldn't know all of this information as you have no access to her medical chart, HIPPA LAWS. Just because she isn't on the dementia floor, doesn't mean she doesn't have dementia! You have no idea how very difficult this would be for you to ever bring her home with you. And in some of your posts, it appears that you intend to keep your job, for a while at least. And if you were to retire early, to care for her, the Only person who you would be doing a disservice to, is yourself! So many people struggle financially because they have a LO, living in their home, thereby cutting down, and into their own future financial security, and who is going to make up the difference, once she has passed, and you ar so beat down by caregiving, that you are unable to ever return to the workforce? Your own Son? Don't count on that! Would you want your child to put his life on hold to care for you? Poll the crouds here on the AC, non of them wish to ever ge a burden to their own children, almost none! As we know exactly what that does to a person, physically, financially and our relationships suffer as well! I'm sure that if your own Mom, were in her right mind, and could think this through and verbalize it to you, she would tell you the exact same thing!

ML, I did not mean to offend you, so sorry. However, my situation was VASTLY different than yours. Your mother, as you stated, needs SKILLED CARE. That means caregiving by an RN, LPN and aids. My mom did not need skilled care, just someone to cook her meals, bathe her, give her meds, socialization, and help her use the potty. (ADLs). Your mother needs care from a registered, licensed medical team. You said it yourself....SKILLED CARE is nothing anyone can do at home. If my mom did need skilled care, I would have had to put her in a NH. But again, forget about Catholic Charities, they do prayer service which is wonderful, but that is all. Please google skilled care to see what that means. Also, the past is the past and dwelling on family issues, we ALL have messed up families. Shoot, I have an alcoholic brother, a selfish sister whose husband was taking furniture from moms house, while she was alive and I was caring for her (totally inappropriate), and 3 other siblings who were absolutely useless when mom was ill...I could go on. But you know what? I didnt and dont care, my main concern was my moms health..medically and psychologically. If your mother needs SKILLED CARE, the one and only place that gives SKILLED CARE is a nursing home. Please visit her as often as possible and with a smile. When people came to see my mom, I told all of them to leave any negativity outside. Please google 'skilled care' and perhaps then you will realize that it is impossible to give someone skilled care at home, unless you can afford to hire an RN at roughly $45.00 an hour, 24 hrs a day. I cant afford to pay a qualified RN $7K a week. Skilled care is the key here, and why people are trying to help you understand so you can help your mom the best way for her health, and out of love.

ML, I've said this before, and I guess you've just disregarded it. I'm not sure why I bother but I'll try one more time.

All people in a care center who have dementia don't go to the "dementia unit." That is primarily for the residents who are in danger of wandering off or running away, or who are disruptive to other residents.

That fact that your mother is not on the dementia floor in her nursing home is nice for her, BUT IT DOES NOT MEAN SHE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA, or that her dementia is severe or isn't progressing. It just means she is not a risk for wandering or disturbing other residents.

My mother's dementia is obviously progressing. She is not on the dementia floor, and most likely never will be. That is just not the nature of her dementia. More than 60% of the residents in many nursing homes (and assisted living, too) DO have dementia but can be cared for along with other residents.

You seem to be in denial about your mother's dementia. But the fact that she is not in the memory care/dementia unit is NOT EVIDENCE that she doesn't have dementia or that it is not severe.

Dementia is a progressive disease. The symptoms of dementia include things like speech impairment and increased mobility problems. If you are thinking that dementia is only about memory loss, you are absolutely wrong.

ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!

"My Mom is struggling harder and harder just to talk, but she wasn't struggling to talk when she was first admitted October, 2014."

Your mother has a PROGRESSIVE disease. That means it gets worse over time. That means she is going downhill. That means she will CONTINUE to get worse -- no matter where she is or who is taking care of her. And then she will die from the disease.

What part of this concept is so hard to understand? Have you never known someone with a progressive disease before? Or have you been so self-absorbed all your life that you've never paid attention to sick people before? I can't believe that you are old enough to have an adult son and you cannot grasp the meaning of "progressive disease"!

"They" are not killing her. "They" are not making her worse. That is the nature of the conditions she has.

You have heard from dozens of experienced caregivers who have been or are now dealing with progressive diseases in our loved ones. What on earth reason would we have to lie to you? Why do you want to continue to interact with us when you refuse to take us seriously?

I watched my awesome, sweet, intelligent husband slowly deteriorate for ten years. Then he died. My mother can no longer do several of the things she could do two years ago when she entered the nursing home. We know and accept that she will die. Our goal is not to prevent that -- impossible -- but to do all we can so that she is content and sometimes even happy in the time left to her.

For you to keep nattering on about your suspicions about why your mother is getting worse is not only tiresome, it is insulting to us.

You can say, "My mother is struggling more and more to talk, and I am sad about it." We can relate to that! We have been/are/will be sad as our loved ones lose skills and get worse. We could then say to you, "Oh, I know how that feels. When my dad lost his ability to read the newspaper ..." We could relate to you and share your sadness.

But, no, you are not just sad that your mom's disease is progressing, you are sure it is somebody's fault. And that is just plain paranoid. We cannot share your feelings about that. Sadness? YES! Delusional accusations? NO and NO.

In the 200+ posts on this thread, we have tried MANY TIMES to explain the nature of progressive diseases. And all you want to do is establish blame.

LucyCW thank you for being so experienced with caregiving and people to definitely say, "OK they are not killing her!!" My Mom is struggling harder and harder just to talk, but she wasn't struggling to talk when she was first admitted October, 2014. My joy is that I have you all that are experienced caregivers, but I must be frustrating you with lack of knowledge, but you care enough to "adopt" me, so I am thankful for that and always will be. Good night fur babies.

ML ~ I am glad that a little of what I and others have said is seeping in and you are trying to take on board what we are saying.
This makes it all the sadder when you do an about turn and go backwards.
If you want to have help and support from people here then you really must stop alienating them.
We all know what happened in the past, now it is truly time to draw a line and go forward. It can not help anyone to keep raking up what happened. You know from my very honest post about my own past that I really do know what I'm talking about.
Your Mum is NOT being hastened to her demise by anyone in NH it pays them to keep her alive at all costs. Each day she lives, more bucks for NH. OK they are not killing her!!
People here truly want to support you, but we are also living with our own pain and we need to read good stuff as well as negative.
For example, I care for my widowed BIL who has dementia and other health issues. Right now he is too frail to leave his home easily and it breaks my heart to know he's slowly slipping away. I am trying to come to terms with my own appalling health issues and my recent diagnosis of my own dementia.
Today I had a lump removed from lymph node under my arm and a biopsy done on another lump in my breast.
I can no longer get out of my flat in my wheelchair on my own unless the weather is hot and sunny, because I'm no longer strong enough to put my warm covers and my waterproofs on alone.
But this is not what I'm sharing with people all the time, neither they or I can live with the constant sadness.
So today at the hospital when the nurse helped me to use the toilet and was surprised to see my feet can't reach the floor (my spine, head, arms and legs are all shrinking). I laughed and swung my legs backward and forward inches off the ground. I told her I was emulating a book I read as a child about a little old lady who used to shrink to the size of a pepperpot. It made her smile.
I chatted to my BIL and persuaded him to look out of the window and see the clouds and the cherry trees across the road just coming into flower. I got him to tell me the latest antics of his 2 cats and shared what my 4 were doing (snoozing for the most part).
I'm frankly distraught about my future, I know there will be a time when everything I care deeply about will no longer matter to me.
I know when that time comes I'll be ok, because I won't remember anything else. Right now though I do know that day is coming.
I'm not spending my today's though dredging up the hurts I've suffered and believe me they would fill several volumes. I'm not being angry/dismissive of other people. If people hurt me I try all the harder to be nice to them. If they are nice to me all the more reason to not burden them with woes they can't fix.
So today on my way home from my procedures we (my lovely Support Worker and I) stopped at the pet shop and bought a beautiful little grey Hamster that I first saw on Fri.
I had my first ever hamster, a little golden boy when I was 10 and there have over the years been many others.
Now little "Grayling" joins my furry family. She may well be my last one but I'm going to enjoy having her in my life whatever her placing.
When I'm not sleeping at night I can watch her rearranging her 3 storey mansion of a home.
Let us know what's happening ML but give us some joy to share not just grief.
I'm sorry that for now I can't answer the comments you raised in your earlier posts, I'll try to later.
My fur babies are sleeping and I should be too :~)

Ohjude let's get this straight my mother supported my sister for 30 years with her SSA/SSI in a dilapidated building that had so many code violations and no utilities most times as I paid rent and legally could have with held it but instead I stayed and helped my sister who called me from my Hyde Park apt. crying saying she couldn't pay her bills after she never wanted me living in her building before. She had no legal right to collect rent on a dilapidated infested building but she did and I paid it for my Mom's shelter.

NO THERE ARE NOT. Its perfectly acceptable not to have visitors before 1 with getting patients up breakfast medicating doctors visits.Its perfectly acceptable to limit your visits to afternoons and leave the evenings for your sister since you can't get on and I think almost all of us feel sorry for her after she has given a home and board to your mother for 30 years and to you for 10 of them and then you turn on her?

YOU are the irregular one; YOU don't understand the work of NHs. If she chokes or holds food in her mouth then of course they will choose pureed food TO PREVENT HER CHOKING HERSELF TO DEATH. Of course they won't tell you of your mums condition THEY ARE NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO. YOU however want to flour the rules and the law, have so little regard for their awareness of her condition, that you want to feed her food she mustn't have BECAUSE SHE LIKES IT?????? and think YOU are the right one? - I don't want to hear one more word about it so people I am stepping out. ML Regardless of what you may think you DONT have a clue, and I gauge that from the utterly ridiculous repetitive responses that show you do not understand/will not understand what people who DO know, say.

Ohjude if this were an ordinary nursing home I would agree whole-heartedly with everyone, but there are too many irregularities.

I don't think you're being trivial I can't say what I think because we are supposed to be supportive....everyones' tried that to absolutely no avail

You all may think I'm being trivial, but I think if I haven't tried hard enough my Mom may not get the services she deserves to prolong her life.

Thank you Ohjude too. Your patience is golden.

Will someone just pass me the cyanide tablets? I am feeling the need to take one

LucyCW and Jeannegibbs now I am told Mom won't be seen until 1:30 when I have to be at work.

Jinglebts my Mom has strong will to live. That will is being drained at the nursing center. She has been left to look like an invalid before I started visiting on a regular basis and thank God for you, LucyCW, Jeannegibbs, Babalou, TacyO22, Ladylee, debdaughter, ...Devine, Countrymouse, etc. for caring to respond.

I just went to see myMom in the basement for PT but she wasn't there at 10:30 for her appt, so a CNA took me upstairs to two where I must be supervised and prohibited from my Mom's room. I was there between my work schedule and I called first but they still did not have my Mom up in the day room and in PT, so I had to leave . I want to try again, but it may make me late for work.

I give up.

Liz devine well said ....methinks a total waste of effort but well said nevertheless. The likelihood of realisation that you were allowed to care for your mom BECAUSE you were ADVISED to do so and had those not inconsiderable skills, awareness AND knowledge will, I am sure have completely been bypassed

Lizdevine please don't respond anymore. You are a professional but yet your people skills need a lot to be desired and your accusations about me are unfounded. You will deny me what you had, the last moments with your mother, just to insult my intelligence by telling me to grow up. Who does that when a mother is close to dying or threatened with a premature death. If you want to blame someone for misusing my Mom's money blame my sister. She didn't my Mom's money for my Mom and refused to give my Mom PT while she kept getting paid my Mom's SSI while my Mom was in the nursing center and she kept promising that my Mom could live with me but instead my Mom was denied PT for over a year while my sister continued to live off my Mom over 30 years without a part-time job

Please do not name call on this website. Everyone's situation is unique and that situation no matter how many dynamics should be respected. For someone to tell me they spent their mother's last days with her at home and did not regret it is not making sense when that same caregiver against my mother spending her last days with me at home - it's either one or the other.

Countrymouse thank you for your comfort

Lizdevine my Mom is not on the dementia floor. She is on the skills floor to help her with her living skills. This is fact. Pleas do not look at her as a severe dementia patient - she is not.

ladylee, thank you so much; I supposed we could have done the same thing with my dad; his grandson was quite upset about it, as it seems maybe, or for whatever reason, the estranged wife didn't want it done, but if we hadn't, like said, they weren't going to allow him to continue to stay there, or at least that's what we were told, that he would have to go to a long-term acute care facility; however, based on another situation I'm following right now, I'm not sure, because they're waiting on a room, or maybe one at a particular place and they're allowing them to stay while they do so, but they're younger, like your situation, where my dad was almost twice that age; might have different if he'd been that age, makes me think about what if it were me or even my son(s), both of which have had motorcycle accidents, as well as a cousin, just thankful none had a head injury, though did have another cousin get killed in one. Dad may have possibly had one, however, since he was in there from having fallen down his front steps and been found unresponsive - which is another issue for momlover, if she were to take her mom home - grandson had been taking care of dad at home and he had just starting getting out - well, at night - but this was early in the morning but after he'd been up and down with him all night so son was exhausted and apparently had fallen back to sleep; we were on the verge of trying to get more help or getting ready to have to make some other arrangements and one of the doctors, while he was in there over this - because we'd already had one issue, was ready to charge him with neglect, not sure what would have happened had things gone a different way.
Anyway, was able to tell both the medical team and grandson - though makes a case for telling the one who's taking care of you - that he had said he didn't want to be kept alive like that, he'd planned to tell his doctor this, before this happened, at his next appointment (well, actually this had been a while before, really before a prior hospital issue when he'd already been found collapsed, but it just never came up because it never got to this point, but it was definitely when he was still able to make his wishes known) but he just never got to make it; in some ways, I wonder if momlover is not somewhat like grandson; he was upset that dad hadn't told him and yes, he was already staying with him taking care of him when he told me this when I was there and maybe I should have had him tell him at the time but at the time he told me I wasn't expecting what happened and just expected it to be able to be done, although I did realize later there was confusion as to which doctor he was actually going to but I planned to work all that out, except there were issues that interfered, just another example of what should be done, but at the time he was still looking to me to tell me those types of things, even though he'd had him come to stay with him, which might be something else going on in this situation; mom may be wanting to go home with momlover, since that's who she'd been living with but who had been making the decisions for her then; sounds like, obviously, the sister, or none of this could have happened. The medical listened to what I said and believed me, even though grandson didn't and this is the part that really intrigued me - they told him that when you're making a decision for someone, you don't make it based on what you want but on what they want and they were willing - wanted? - to believe that I had told them the truth about what he said he wanted - which I know is different in that situation because in momlover's situation that's exactly she's trying to do, in her mind, is get done what her mom is saying she wants, so....at that point, however, grandson, - although, again, somewhat, like momlover, he didn't actually have to, could have done what she has even though I had the authority to override him, like her sister does her - conceded to me and we also made the decision to take him off vent - along with that, though, there a myriad of other decisions I'd be curious to know about, ladylee, if you know - but, again, along momlover's line, the main issue of them was along the lines of feeding. He did breathe on his own - well, with oxygen, for a few days. That's wonderful about your - their - situation.
Not that hospitalization but his earlier dad did have the swallow test, not totally sure why momlover was told her mom hadn't had one, or maybe just hadn't had the monitored kind; that's somewhat more involved, was involved in that as well with my other situation, so maybe they just hadn't done that, not sure could be done in a nursing home, might have to be done at a hospital and might be an age thing, but, like Jeanne said, they probably have done the kind my dad had; he had issues at one point as to what he could have, sure didn't want him choking, and actually they did try something similar, again, maybe not quite so involved at that hospitalization but didn't work, but not quite the same, but the first time he did get better, so...supposed it could be possibly with her mom; my grandmother seemingly got better as well, but then she did end up choking, so....but this happened at the hospital, where, again, but maybe they expected my mom to be taking care of her, when she didn't; is her mom actually feeding herself or is she being fed? is the impression I'm getting

The decision was made by the medical team and family to see if he could breathe on his own. He did. and he got better each day. It was really amazing. He was youngish ( late 50's) and in decent health but had a motorcycle accident and a head injury. The estranged wife held everyone off a few days until he improved somewhat and when they took the vent off he was able to breathe.

I havent been on this site for a long time. I (temporarily) left my husband, my house, my own family and my animals and quit my job to stay with my mom at her house for 4+ months, hospice helped for the 2-3 weeks as VNA advised and mom passed on 12/17/15. I hired the VNA for her coumadin/bloodwork, about every other week, they took a blood sample. In any case, to Momlover. #1. Your sister cannot just put your Mom into a nursing home. No one can. To get into a NH, you need a doctors orders and medical or mental health reason, diagnosis, for permanent long term 24/7 care. Your sister did nothing wrong, the fact that your sister owns a delapitated building is 100% irrelevant. #2) Please stop telling your mom that you are trying to take her home, you are not.....ever. This must be very upsetting to her, if and when she has moments of clarity given her DX of dementia. You seem to be in denial which translates into you lying to your mom, whether intentionally or unintentionally, every time you see her. #3). You have no idea what is going on medically with your mom and her deterioration due to HIPAA privacy laws and you are not authorized to know her medical condition, like it or not. #4) If I recall, you said mom was 88? You cannot take care of her and are incapable of taking care of her at your house, like it or not. I am a college educated former BOM of a NH and it took all of my physical and mental strength to be a good caregiver at my moms house until the last days of her life. It is emotionally and physically exhausting, not to mention expensive..commode, tubchair, wheelchair, construction on her house so is wheelchair accessable...little sleep. Raising a baby is easier than taking care of an elderly person. The ONE HOUR per day (yes, that is all Hospice does, one hour and you can forget about Catholic charities....I had a nun visit 2-3 times a week for Mom's spiritual guidance...10 minutes each maybe) was a godsend. I was basically alone the other 23 hours a day. #4). I too watched my mother go from eating with a healthy appetitite and taking her meds, then (and it seemed to happen quickly), just drinking liquids, then unable to swallow her pills and hospice, then barely drinking water and then she went to heaven. This is the natural process of dying of old age and not unexpected. There are multiple sources available via books or online you may want to read on death and dying. Nothing of what I have read on your posts makes me think the NH or your sister or the court system is trying to poison your mom and hasten her demise as you implied. The NH, CNAs, SW, and your sister seem to be trying the best they can to make your mom's last days/months/years on earth as pain free and as comfortable as possible. Your mother belongs in a NH and you should be grateful to all the NH staff and your sister. I also have a strange suspicion that you want your mother with you at your house to help with your own bills, rent, food, utilities, etc. but I hope that I am wrong. I know you love your mother, but you really should think......a sick person in denial (meaning you ML) is incapable of taking care of a sick elderly person (your mom). Thank God for your sister. I may sound harsh and i am sorry, but quality care of the elderly is my passion and I had a rough patch recently, so I think I am just telling it like it is. Time to grow up, death, getting older, aging....all part of life...God's plan if you will. Personally I have to think about finding a new job in this economy, but I have no regrets and I am thankful I was with mom for her last breath.