POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?

Lizdevine, I wish you well in your future.
I for one am sure that you personally had no intention of high jacking this thread. I'm sure that given what a tremendously supportive people are to be found on Ageing Care you would get even more helpful support/advice where you to start your own thread/topic designated to your questions. Good luck

TY all for support, and ohjude, best wishes. Another thing I have thought about is to literally take my (higher) college education completely off my resume for certain ads. I am making multiple resumes taylored and job specific. I was not trying to make this thread about me, truly. Ty all for the support.

You're very welcome :~)
Limitations is something we all have (you don't want to see
mine lol)
The key is to look and see if they are holding us back from
being the very best person we could be.
By the way being nice to people even when you don't feel
it inside shows those people what a great job your Mum did
in bringing you up to be polite.
Do please check your private messages I'm leaving you a
message that can't be public :~)

LucyCW thanks for the comfort and helping me realize my limitations . I thank you all.❤️

No worries we all make mistakes :~) I wasn't really getting at you regarding typos more suggesting you slow down and think before speaking/typing, then you've time to be sure you want to say what you're about to.
You'd be fine, lots of others here to help to, you just need to let people know that you're listening and that even if you can't/don't agree with them, you acknowledge their right to their own opinion. Also to acknowledge that at times others are right by dint of their experience.
That said, you've been doing really well recently, keep up the good work :~)
I know you only want the best for Mum and for her to be in safe hands, which she is. So for now just enjoy being with her, your calmness will keep her calm.
Remember to be nice to the staff, they are doing their best always. Hold on to the fact you can only see now, you don't know what happened before you arrived so don't jump to conclusions, misread situations.
Easter is coming and maybe you could think about giving a card to the people who take care of Mum.

LucyCW sorry I misspelled your name. You got after me about typos. Please excuse me and thank goodness you are a caregiver. Without your goodness I would be lost in the caregivers world

Cheers to happy memories LuctCW😀 I just want my Mom to be in the best hands and safe.

It's great to be hearing such positive news about your Mum, and her outfit sounds lovely.
It sounds like you're having a lovely time together and that is great to read.
I don't want to be a sourpuss when your doing so well, but there is just one little thing. You say ". I know people over 90 and I am sure her condition can improve."
We are all individuals and you aren't being fair to her or you to expect her to be doing what other 90 year olds do.
Please, please enjoy your Mum where she is and don't push her to be just like everyone else. It's really important to enjoy the moment and to make happy memories together in the now rather than striving for something in the future.

LucyCW and Jeannegibbs my Mom is 88 and she's hoping for better quality of life as she participates in PT, OT, and speech therapy daily Monday through Friday. She ate all her puree food (chicken, beans, rice, and peaches but CNA/Nurse didn't know to use nectar and I don't know of a swallow test) yesterday and I applauded her "happy plate." Applause brings happiness to my Mom. She was dressed well in pink/orange/white top and grey/pink/white pants with her new pink/white Christmas slippers. Her hair was brushed up in a ponytail. We dialed her only living sister in Maysville, KY and she enjoy saying "Hi" and "Fine." We listened to "I Believe I Can Fly." She said "I don't want any yet" before she started eating. The CNA fed her this time, but she has held her drink in her left had and drunken it and she eats with her left hand. I know people over 90 and I am sure her condition can improve. I will keep you updated on a positive note. I am so fortunate to have experienced caregivers listen to me that have more serious problems than me. Thank you so much.

Awww thanks ML I really appreciate that

LucyCW you have a big heart.❤️

What a shame that people who had, had enough of this thread could not have chosen to simply stop participating in it and instead have hijacked it.
I for one have no interest in the nature of this thread in it's new format and I will as such cease following it.
I state this simply so that if anyone is thinking of responding to anything I have said then they will be aware I'm not ignoring them I have gone.
Which I believe to be the correct behaviour when no longer interested in following.

Jeanne, I'm not really interested in a broader exposure, more just how this relates to topic at hand, like freqflyer did - because that's the issue, isn't it, being able to afford to move into an "elder friendly environment"; I don't remember how much the assisted living told me they charge but also at the time I don't think I realized how much it might have cost to get the house in condition to be able to sell it at the value that would be needed to even come close to affording the assisted living, so reverse mortgage might be a catch-22? was just glad at the time the fridge had already been replaced - by us - and the furnace went out - just under warranty - but at that point mom was still here and not sure how she would have felt about the whole AL thing; by then she wanted to come down here and dad wasn't hearing of that then, although later he said if things had been done differently he would have, things he never mentioned to us then, just that he was basically saying we should have done/thought of without him having to - is that something anybody's run into? should we have?

Okay LucyCW. Thanks.

ML, Please check your message board as I have responded to your posting here on there so that it isn't swallowed up in the new issues being posted in this thread.
Well done your last post which was very positive.

Could I suggest that things like employment after caregiving and reverse mortgages each have their own separate topic? Otherwise only people who have stuck it out in this thread will respond. I'm not worried about following rules ... just in getting broader exposure.

Oh, I will never purchase another home. We've been in this one, our second home together, about 21 years now, purchased it new and it's all paid off, and still in fairly great shape, new roof, new siding, well maintained, but our kitchen could use a little refurbishing, new paint all around and new carpets. But all of this will have to wait until after our Daughter's wedding in October, then we will do all of these things and reevaluate whether to sell up and move into an apartment or condo. Of course, alot depends on if FIL, is still with us. If not, were definitely selling and moving on, to begin enjoying our retirement! It couldn't come fast enough for me! Home ownership is a lot of freaking work!

Reverse mortgages are only good for those who are healthy and want money to travel, to update their house, or help a grandchild go to college.... it's rarely a good idea to use for major elder care. Eventually the loan needs to be paid back to the bank, along with higher than normal interest, mortgage insurance, closing costs and fees. If an elder forgets to pay their property taxes, the loan can be called in for repayment.

Let's say the average reverse mortgage dollar amount given to a home owner is $1,500 a month. That would give an elder maybe 75 hours a month of care at $20/hour, which comes out to 2.5 hours a day. But Mom or Dad needs 8 hours of care.

What happens if something needs to be fixed in the house? Like the refrigerator stops and it's not worth repairing? Or the furnace is on its last legs?

Much better to sell the house while you can, put that money into a safe account so one's parents can draw on that money when needed, and have Mom/Dad moved into an elder friendly environment. If they can afford to do that.

since this thread is on to other topics, anyway, to go back to the whole reverse mortgage thing, not so sure I'm so much against that for the elderly, why not get the money out of your house to use now and let the house go, unless you have some real reason for hanging on to it? I almost wish my dad had done that and I wouldn't be having to worry about his now; if I could sell it, the money might be nice, but if we don't have it that's our problem, and it is a problem right now, which is why the HELOC is even an issue, but I'm not wanting to get into that at our age; talking to somebody today, though, who's turning 65 next week and they've never bought a house, still renting....

Liz it is always easier to get a job once you have a job ....fact So apply and then apply again. If you think they are concerned about your age go for it up front you have nothing to lose. Some companies are ageist (even though they are not supposed to be so say something like...... You will see from my drivers licence I am xxxxx years old which is fantastic because not only do I have a wealth of experience I have also been trained in xxxx and in the more modern methods of xxxxxx so you get the best of both worlds. That couple with a solid work ethic blah blah blah. If they don't want older people you have nothing to lose and if they are waivering on this you can turn it to your advantage.

You might also see that I have been caring for my mother for 6 moths. It has been an incredibly challenging time and one thing I learned about myself is that I can take on new challenges and embrace them and succeed at them

Time to stop the hamster wheel. This is going no where. I agree with Jennegibbs, time to start a new topic of visiting Mom at the nursing home.

Thank you tacy and jude, i will research resumes and take the dates out and/or put my caregiver duties in. I have signed up with Robert Half, even a temporary job for 3 months so i could get unemployment would help. I literally have zero income. Had a couple interviews, but the birthdate (ageism) is right there on the drivers license, cant hide that part. Awful, thank you. Back to ML, on this thread, thank you all. Definitely something for future caregivers to think about.

LucyCW and Jeannnegibbs yesterday my Mom said, "I want some !" in the loudest and strongest voice I 've heard in a long time when a CNA walked pass with some pork skins. She sung "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly, and we listened to "Lean onMe" by Bill Withers. My Mom ate all her food that was puréed lasagna and vegetables. Have to go. Have a good day. I stayed longer than 5pm, about 6:30 pm😀

ML, I think this thread has outlived its usefulness and is on to other topics.

If you want to continue interaction, I suggest you start a new post, called something like "Vising my mother in her nursing home" and then stick to that topic. Tell how your visits are going and how your mother is doing. Don't bring up all the other issues we've gone over and over in this thread.

Thanks

The banks won't deal with reversed mortgages anymore. The only companies that deal with them are the ones that did the sub-prime mortgages in the early 2000s. My thoughts on reverse mortgages are the only ones that need a RM are the ones who can't afford them. I wish they would make them illegal, since people can get themselves in a mess by not understanding them.

Debdaughter, EXACTLY! I never understood why people who are older and retired would ever consider a reverse mortgage or HELOC? I would think that the only people making money are the banks! So dangerous to go into debt at that age! From what I understand anyways!

Thanks for the advice Staceyb.

and that's why I don't want a HELOC

Oh Jude, you are so right, no wonder we are so burnt out, and worth one heck of a lot more money money once we've completed our caregivers role, however, as statistics show, upwards of 30% of cargivers actually die, before our LO'S, and then we are worth NOTHING, to our spouses, children, grandchildren and our potential future Employers! My husband and I will never know what our own financial potential may ever have been, as we got boxed in the other side, due to our age. Yes, ageism is alive and well! And obviously not only for caregivers, I know of several people who lost out on their full pensions, due to ageism, my sister being one of them. To be cast out at age 63, over "cuts", after serving your employer for over 28 years. It happens all the time! ML, I hope you are thinking all of this through, as you are currently in a position to enjoy your Mother right where she is getting the best possible care that she needs. And you have the ability and are willing, to make her life so much right where she is! No, it may not be posh, but just your commitment to being there as often as you so clearly are, finding ways to improve on her enjoyment of her final time with you, will bring her so much joy, and allow yourself to continue putting money away for your own old age, and from the sounds of it, you may not be faring too well on that front. Most of us at least own our own homes, usually they are our largest investment, so unless you have one heck of a tidy nest egg, you yourself will probably find yourself in a subpar Nursing Home one day! I'm sure if at all avoidable, your Mom wouldn't want that for you. The great majority of her life is behind her, yours is likely ahead of you. Where do you want to be in 25-30 years. And don't keep coming back with "I only want the best for her", what about you! We all must think of our Own financial future, without a husband, a PAID FOR Home, and if you quit your paying jobs now, you are all but sunk! Do you want to be financially dependant on your Son, the government? I definitely do not! I have 4 Awesome kids, but still, I do not!

And conducting interviews for new staff
Conducting background checks
Taking up references
Filling out forms (and more forms oh and more forms!)
Appealing against poor decisions