POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?

Thank you Carol, it's not easy being that open and honest ~
But anything that helps with this vile disease is worth it in my book.
That said your words made my speaking out worthwhile. Lucy

Jude, Jean & Babalou Many thanks.
ML ~ Thank you so much for your suggestions on how to fill my time without my SO. Oddly enough no matter what I do, I still have a part of me that grieves for him and frankly right now I am embracing that. I know there will come a day when I will stop grieving because that is the day I will stop remembering. I will fight to put off that day for as long as I can.
I'm sorry that you had a difficult childhood and I am able to appreciate that you are literally quite desperate to "be there for your Mum." What saddens and indeed frightens me about your determination is your 100% blinkered attitude. You return to this forum and ask for help, you're given it, over and over by people with varying degrees of knowledge and experience. Yet each and every one of us is wrong!
From what you have written about your Mother I see a lady who has had some horrible experiences and has done a great job of bringing up her children. That lady is now very much sicker, frailer and damaged than you can face. That to I understand, it is incredibly hard to see a loved one in a place where we are helpless to care for them. But if we are to do right by that loved one we must for their sakes listen to those who have the experience and knowledge.
I truly know you love your Mum passionately and desperately want to nurse her to the end (though I doubt you'll accept there will be an end), and that ML is the scary bit. If you continue this path you will actually become the most damaging/abusive person in your Mum's life and for HER sake you will be denied access to her.
Please listen to others, they are trying so hard to help you stay in your Mum's life ~ but safely.

BTW ML I have had loved ones in NH and not been allowed to see them. My adored adopted "Nanna" had family who banned me from seeing her because they resented our relationship.
I didn't create a fuss, I made little cards, crocheted a shawl, made tiny pigs (Nanna loved pigs), anything that told Nanna I was thinking of her, I loved her and did not add to the distress.
I would have broken down the doors and stolen her away if I could. But that would not have helped anyone. She was in a safe place and her family believed in what they were doing. Sadly she died, my last memory of her though is not in a hospital bed. It is of us at our regular Friday morning tea. Best china cup, saucer and plate. Naughty biscuits and "girly" chatter. Grandpa Bernie snoring in his armchair.

I appreciate everyone's advice. But, Why is it too late for us to live together as family with supportive services? Why do you focus on only my caregiving and you have no advice for required supportive services. Catholic Charities offers free caregiving services plus my Mom has SSA/SSI available. My Mom wants to come home and I am her only family member able or willing to give her a family home.

Because 20 hours a day of careging, 5 days a week will cost you $2500. Per week. Does mom have 10,000 a month? That's if she doesnt need full time care and isn't a 2 person transfer. That's why.

OK at the risk of being in the cross hairs.... again. Your mother needs full time care she is a risk to her own safety. Caregiving to someone who has bipolar and dementia (however mild) is a highly skilled job and not to be taken lightly. She is clearly not steady on her feet and so the home needs to be fitted out for her needs.

You will need 24/7 care because you are NOT TRAINED to care for her something that is patently obvious to all of us on here.`don't think for one moment that support services of that nature will come free of charge - they won't. Simple business sense says no - it is not a cost effective move and if everyone wanted home, round the clock care the USA would be bankrupt within a year.

If you are absolutely serious about having her home, then you need to consider this: What do I need to do to the house to make it safe. Are the bathrooms on the same floor as the living and sleeping accommodation because if not it is not a long term plan. Are there grab rails so that she can get around easily? Does she have a walker? How will you address incontinence needs if and when the need arises. How will you get her to interact with people of her own age? How will you get out to do shopping etc. How will you get her to the medical appointments she will need to attend. How many trained professional carers do you think it will take to meet her needs now and in the future? Do you have a mattress you can steam clean? Are your floor carpeted or lino? Who is going to deep clean them? Do you have a lockable cupboard for her meds? Do you know how to deal with drugs you no longer need? Do you have PPE? Do you have commodes? how are you going to facilitate bathing

There is just so much you are not seeming to recognise needs addressing and quite frankly if a court awarded you the right to bring your Mum home - bearing in mind she will be telling you one thing and others something entirely different for that is the nature with dementia, then I for one would be absolutely horrified at a system which is missing some links somewhere.

Momlover, I just visited the Chicago Catholic Charities website. The state budget impasse has decimated their services. They have had no payment from Michigan since 7/1/15. All they will do is put you on a waiting list. Sorry.

not Michigan, ILLINOIS. oops

Momlover123, I see from your profile you state that you are a public school teacher. How would you handle a student who doesn't pay any attention to what you are trying to teach him/her? Would you keep repeating yourself a dozen times over hoping what you said would sink in, or would you stand back and analyze the situation, and try a different approach?

I think Momlover had court today. She said sis had to respond by the 26th.

Actually the more I read this the more I am beginning to think troll. but just in case I am wrong ...

Mom lover one of your posts says:
Mum Has no other medical conditions other than the stroke and osteoporosis
Others indicate the following

So she has osteoporosis
She had a stroke 10 years ago that left her wheelchair bound
She can just about stand cant walk
She has arthritis
She has mild dementia or forgetfulness
She has senile dementia though

In September you said
the doctor is saying that her senile dementia is progressing rapidly
her mobility diminishes more everyday

Yet yesterday you said went from mental institution to mental institution just to stay alive and LET herself be diagnosed as a manic depressive on lithium.

Now you are clearly delusional when you say she has no other medical conditions other than the stroke and osteoporosis for your mother has multiple problems and for the most part ones that will get worse over time.

Then and probably the most insulting thing I found from your rants is this:

Mothering and nurturing does not take a PhD or we would not exist. And just who do you think monitors care? Who do you think makes the diagnoses of mental illness? Who do you think determines the level of PT required. You are so damned far up yourself that you cannot see that the problem person in all of this is you.

You even use the term senile dementia which is so outdated as to be almost archaic. If you don't even know what type of dementia (s) your mother has how in hells name are you going to look after her. You won't know what to expect, what signs to look for, how it will progress and definitely won't know how to handle it.

I am dropping the post as this person is just a joke and clearly not a suitable carer for her mother.

ohjude ,
the bottom line is , what does the patient want . i put up with a lot of man hatin BS when i was caring for my terminal dementia mother . only a good female friend straightened it out for me . she said , " your mom doesnt WANT to go into a GD nursing home " . nobody listens to the patient . they all seem to have their own petty ( job related ) motives ..

OhJude - I was thinking troll as well just this morning. What possible reason would an actual person have to continually keep this up? Clearly it wasn't for advice. Maybe validation - but that wasn't happening and hadn't been for a while. I'm thinking not s troll doing it for fun but more of a catfish type of situation.

Ok guys I know trolls but catfish?
Please explain :~)

I don't think she's a troll. I think she's a very damaged person who gets bogged down in the details, like when the bracelet got put on. Has little topic maintanence.

Lucy - catfish was the name of a documentary type film a few years back. It was about a guy who got involved with a woman on line - sent pics, chatted on line for quite some time, maybe even on the phone - can't really remember. Anyhow this guy was really into her but she kept coming up with excuses not to met. Eventually he found where she lived and it turned out she was an almost middle aged woman with a disabled kid. She wasn't doing it as a prank or to be mean - she was disturbed and had kinda created an "alter" allowing her to get attention and live a different life in her mind. Suppose to be a true story but there was some controversy as to its authenticity after the film came out.
So now "catfish" is internet slang for messing with someone online, pretending to be someone your not as a prank.

wow, do you really think this could be the case?

My beloved mother is admitted to Alden Nursing Center in Chicago on October of 2014 after my sister POA blamed me for her building being condemned in October 2014. My Mom begged again yesterday to go with me but I had to beg her to wait for the judges decision. I asked my mother if she fell out of the bed and broke her leg 1/14/16 (I could vaguely understand what her roommate was saying because she had s stroke, but she did say they were checking to see if she had broken ribs but I thought maybe she was confused because only my Mom's leg was hurting 12/25/15 after a hard transport with her arthritis flaring up suddenly) and she vocalized "I fell out of the bed," but my sister POA said she took her for a second opinion from when I transported my Mom (with NH approval and visitation form) Christmas Eve for my church Candlelight services and Christmas to go to Aurora to visit my sister POAs daughter's home. No one will believe my mother fell out of the bed 1/14/16 because the Police Dept,hospitals, doctors, etc. only listen to my sister POA with a POA my mother said she never signed. My Mom is now on purée but she is capable of eating table food and she is begging me "I want to Go with you!" when I leave and I beg her to wait for the judges decision.😂

ML, I realise you posted those details as a way of proving that you are who you say you are, but for the sake of your own security I'm going to report your post - the administrators should delete it. Don't worry, this won't have any bad consequences for you. I'm sorry for how upset you are.

I am only allowed to visit my Mom from12-5pm and I am not confident in the care she's receiving other hours because she has a broken leg, she was admitted to a hospital that said she had severe strained stool that should have been checked and severe arthritis that hadn't been cared for as she was in pain to the touch. The deadline for my sister POA filing a response to my appellate brief has passed,so hopefully I can take my Mom home soon with supportive services from professionals, family, friends, and church members. I pray to God His will will be done for eternal love sake. I pray my mother's love has not diminished for me because I have taken over a year to get her home with family after she took care of my sister's family with SSA/SSI and I thank God for my phenomenal sister caring for my Mom 30 years and I was blessed to care for my Mom and her needs (my sister changed my Mom though)when my Mom lived with me on the first floor of my sister's 2-flat apartment building from 1995-2006 when my sister allowed me to move on to help her pay bills with my rent in the dilapidated building to say the least. Oh God please help my mother through yet another ordeal as she brings only caring and happiness to others.😇

Ohjude I gave me the medical conditions on the doctor's report for circuit court 9/18/15.

Thank God for you Countrymouse.😇

Captain thank you for emphasizing public opinion about nursing homes and this is actually a nursing center where caregivers come and go while understaffed and underpaid. My mother IMO is treated like w body instead of a person for the most part with only a few carrying personnel.

Pamstegma in Illinois Appellate Court you wait for the judges decision instead of appearing in court.

Tacy022 my Mom will have professional services and will live with family until she desires otherwise.❤️

Tacy022 God has blessed my Mom with 88 beautiful years of love ❤️ and love deferred💔 so when she ascends to her eternal home I'll only thank God for creating her to be my natural mother.

I wonder if her mom has had a swallow test

I am beginning to wonder that it is not the daughter penning these posts but the mother.... because of the constant repeating the same things over and over and over again.

Due daughter my Mom was seen by a Speech Therapist at a neighboring hospital to the nursing center and she said it's because my Mom holds food on her mouth, but I didn't and wouldn't get information on a swallow test because my sister POA won't allow the staff at the nursing center or hospitals. I just got the information I did because they didn't know my sister was holding a POA over my head even though I am my mother's daughter also. It seems my POA sister has insisted that I be told nothing about my mother's care, condition, and medical records as she has prohibited me from going into my Mom 's room.

Debdaughter typo. Please excuse typo.