Does anyone have any positive experience with assisted living centers?

My grandmother was in assisted living until the last 5 days of her life. So when my father was told this fall that he was unable to go home and my mom wanted to stay with him, we started looking at elderly apartments and assisted living facilities. In reviewing all their brochures and materials and visiting them. We found one that will keep my parents until life's end. When I read that I thought what does this mean? In talking with the owners what I found is that if one of my parents falls, after leaving the hospital, they come back to them, not a nursing home. If they get sick and are bedridden, they don't send them off to the nursing home, they will bring in hospice. They want them to stay in their own room and own bed until they die. So we started asking each of the facilities how they handle decreasing health issues and falls. In one of the facilities, my parents could start out in a one bedroom apartment, then if one of them passed away they would be moved to a small unit, the one remaining gets sick, they would move into a higher care room and lastly nursing home. That would be 4 moves and each time they are moved, it impacts my parents physically and mentally. Additionally we would have to do the work each time. So these words meant a lot to us, as my parents want to be together to life's end. Three weeks after moving in my mom fell and broke her hip. After 3 days in the hospital, she came back to the facilities. They arranged for physical therapy to come to her. When she was more mobile then she went out for her therapy. We are fortunate to live in Minnesota, my parents had just enough money to go ahead of the medicare list and paid for their care fir about 4 months. Now that they are there and they have spent down their money. They then were approved by the state to covering their costs and the State doesn't move them because there is cheaper care somewhere else. This is family owned assisted living facilities has about ten in our area. Extremely well run, they RN handles all the medical issues with me directly to be sure my parents are getting the best care. Look around, as there are many types of assisted living facilities. Bring your parents there to see how the staff interact with them while you are looking around. This gave us a good insight to places and how they would be with them after they moved in. Also be aware that assisted living is expensive but so is nursing home care. The staff ratio is much higher in nursing homes also.

I go to bed at night knowing that my parents are happy, safe, clean, feed and being watched, taken to the bathroom at night and getting their medicine routinely. When their health issues have changed such as falling and breaking hips, falling out of bed, confusion. I get a call and they have guided me through the process, made suggestions of equipment that would work and then the plans are followed.

In my grandmother's case, I know she loved a longer more productive life because of the people that loved and cared for her. I have seen the same thing with my parents even after one year. I know that as I get older that I would be happy to find a place like my parents have.

Yes I have had some good experiences. And please do take care of yourself before you "keel" over as I nearly did. I can think of some things to check on though. Very important is how flexible they are about food and such. They are ALL sales people, nice or not and they will show you the moon and stars but what you really get can be different.

Drop in without an appointment and talk to the residents. Match what your parents want with what the ALF offers. My mother is not social so social events would not matter to her. See if and how long they can offer increasing levels of care. If not you may have to add (at the very end, sorry) hospice to the ALF care and if that is not enough, go into a nursing home. I had the best luck with the small private houses that had slightly trained staff for my budget. Speaking of staff, make sure there is enough help. Some of the swanky ALFs that look like Club Med do not have enough staff. If your parents can still take their own meds, they can go to a place where the staff are not highly trained.
A lot of doctors are making house calls to ALFs again but I have found them to be "bottom of the barrel." Last thing I can think of is to consult someone who is an expert that is not trying to sell you. Do NOT reveal all your assets, they have wiggle room in their prices. Best of luck and prayers, Virginia

I agree with everyone in that you need to do your homework. Laws vary from state to state. I live in Texas, work in this industry and care for my mother-in -law who is in an Independent Living Community with Home Health and Home Care added. Medicaid does not pay for Assisted Living Communities where I live. Unfortunately if you are on medicaid your only option is a nursing home.
Your state should have a licensing bureau for all assisted living communities. Check with them to see if there is a list of reports of any complaints on any facility.
Visit at all times of day and night and talk to residents and other family members. If you drop by after work you can probably catch a few families coming and going.
Most of the people I have met in AL communities have a big heart and really care about the seniors they care for. What you need to ask however is how they like their job and how long have they worked there. I help families find places for their parents and one of the questions I tell them to ask is about staff turnover. If there is constant staff turnover stay away. The management has problems and this will affect the care your parent gives. I too am a big fan of the smaller group homes (we call them personal care homes) especially for those with dementia.
Remember you are or should be most focused on the care received not the outward visual appearance. Of course you want the place to be clean but the newest and fanciest place may not have the best care and care is what you are really paying for.

My mother has demensia and was adament about staying in her own home, but she wasn't safe even with four children and someone downstairs helping out. We found a group home that specializes in demensia patients, has 6 residents (including mom) 2 to 1 care, 24 hours, great food, and takes medicade. We split up the week and visit her at least 5 times a week. It's very cool also because they have an online log that they post to after every shift and you can read how she's doing. At first I thought they were only posting the good stuff because she seemed to be doing so much better then when we were actually visting her at the home, but then they started posting the stuff when she was acting out also and I figured out she does a lot better when we're not there and was saving the antics (crying, begging to 'go home', saying she was going to kill herself, they don't feed me here, they don't like me) for when we visited. All in all, we feel blessed because she is safe and all of her needs are taken care of.

Over seeing the care of my 86 y/o mother with dementia in a ALF has it's own stress and frustration. She has limited $$ so we can't afford the ones that have topnotch administration. (When we first came to this one we did have a good admin, she left 4 months later and took half the staff!) Visit several times at various times and at least one meal time, a location that is convenient helps, noise level is important, (TV, aides, cleanup other residents.) I am a squeaky wheel when I need to be. If I had to do it again I would take the list and ask about the longevity of the staff and question what admin's goal are. We did have a list and asked many of the questions. I've found where ever she's been ALF, rehab, hospital, dental hygiene is not big priority. Even BM's seem to be low on the list, to me the more regular a person the less discomfort...ha of course I know IBS is another issue. Get on a waiting list and start now, don't wait until burnout, or the fire has started to take action. Be well ~M

I have had some older friends and relatives who have moved into nice assisted living places , some as singles or widows/widowers for the company and others as married couples who wanted a little help with some things but were mostly independent.

These places can vary wildly in facilities, rules and regulations, staff (most are underpaid and often underqualified and some just don't care about residents because they don't get paid a lot and have resentment towards employers. I know one who is a suicidal alcoholic who wrapped her car around a tree because a man turned her down for a dance at a bar) and in what payments/insurance they take. Some may offer skilled care for later on and even hospice care while others do not and you might have to move if you need those things.

Check them out to see if there have been complaints. Pop in when least expected and peek around to see what is REALLY going on. Chat with staff. Are they grumbling about residents, work, or their dating lives? Find out the qualifications to work there. Is the place clean? Talk to residents and to ex-residents. Why did people leave? If they have a Facebook page, go see what people are saying there.

I would ask if you have any long term care policies on either of them. Nomally they need to be under 80 yr old to purchase them. If that wasn't gotten then the ability to keep them in their home with home health aides will probably fail in the long run. Neither of them are really that old yet so perhaps some paid help and keeping them in place should be considered. A they will be happier in their home and B it will not draw down as much of their financial assets. They may be young and fit enough for medical or social day care programs which gives them supervision for the day but they are back home for each evening and night.
I have one friend who had a positive relationship with an ALF for her 2 parents. However the move was made for the mother's health concerns and of course she passed about 8 mo after placement and the healthier father is stuck in the facility (he only went into the facility to be with his wife who passed away). He could really still be living independently or with a little bit of home care but it isn't an option now because all their assets have been spent at the ALF.

I would check out veteran homes too. Often an elderly person who was in the service can qualify for an opening and they are far less expensive (will not impoverish your parents). They pay a fee based on their income etc.

The trouble with all placements, you lose control over exactly who they hire to care for the residents. Yes you can complain but I haven't seen that to be very effective. Many of my friends have had problems with the aides taking care of their parents and since the facility hires them--they were stuck.

It is a big decision, if a placement is required do lots and lots of research. Get an ALF which is required to keep them when they get weaker and need nursing home level care. You don't want them to be discharged needing that level of care, without any savings left and you are looking for a quality nursing home and have no reason for them to take your parents. Most nursing homes want
patients with $$ before they lose it and go on Medicaid. These are the sad realities of elder care in our country.

Good luck.

Elizabeth

My husband is in an ALF. He prefers a family home with just a few residents as opposed to a large facility. The first 2 homes he was in did not work out. In the first one they totally ignored him except to take care of his physical needs. In the second the owner/caregiver was verbally abusive. You never know what you are getting until your loved one has been there awhile. The owners/caregivers are always nice when you interview them. He is now in a home where he is treated with respect. He has been there almost 3 years.

So, don 't give up if the first facility doesn't work out. When you find a place, make a few unannouncerd visits so you can see what is going on.

Also, check on your state's Medicaid program to see if your parent qualifies before spending all of their money on care. You may need to hire an elder law attorney to help you wade through all the legal paperwork.

Be sure to take care of yourself or you won't be of any help to your loved one.

My 87 year old father has been living in an Assistant Living Facility for 8 months now, and he likes it. He is able to take care of himself, so we are at the lowest rate, but as he starts to worsen, they have steps of care that we will be able to move him. His favorite thing is the meals, they have a chef that does the cooking and we like coming and having meals with him, the food is that good. He likes being with people his own age, and they have a barber/beauty shop on facility, they even have a small store that is ran by the people that live at the facility. They have functions, Friday night they have happy hour. Field trips, a bus that takes residents to shopping malls, doctor's visits, and more. My father has a home care nurse coming every other Friday to change his catheter, there is a large pond were he can watch the turtles, birds, and in the summer, they have a fishing tournament. My dad does pay for this, they do not except Medicaid, or other. They do have apartments for couples, they allow pets, it is like he lives on a cruise ship and his studio apt is just his space. Check Emeritus, they may be in your state, my father is in Southern California, and we were surprised that the facility was very reasonable for California, were everything is so expensive.

Even though I am aged [82] I still sing in a barbershop quartet. Much of our entertaining is done at Assistd Living Homes. I knew some of the people who I see in our audiences and they are quite comfortable. I know several who have chosen assisted living and have been there for 6 or 7 years. By the way they warm my hearts by being glad to see the quartet is back again.