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My grandpa was diagnosed with terminal cancer in November 2018 he didn't want to do any treatment and he wanted to come home to die so I quit my job and me my husband and our 5 kids moved in with him. I'm his POA so everything is all on me now. He was doing great when he got home but the last 3 weeks we have seen I'm get much worse. He has been not in his right mind he has hallucinations and they have become violent. He says he doesn't want to suffer no more and its breaking my heart! He wasn't really eating before and he's lost a lot of weight and no he's not eating or really drinking. He's starting to retain water in his feet. He's on larzpam morphine and fentnal patches. If anyone has gone though this how long did they last, did they suffer???

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Has hospice been set up for him? If not, please do that like tomorrow.

No one can tell you how long until the suffering is over. Only guesstimate.
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I have seen people hold on for a year and I have seen people go in a few days. There is no one size fits all answer! Sorry!


May I just say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this.


Hugs!!
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If you need information about Hospice services in Illinois:

http://www.nationalhospicelocator.com/hospices/illinois

If you already have hospice services, you need to talk to the nurse and/or social worker about the severity of his mental decline; they need to treat that!

((((hugs)))))
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Hi Courtney
Hugs to you. Please call hospice. Tell them you need help.
I’m so sorry.
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He has hospice. They told me the cancer has gone to his brain (brain mets) that's what they called it. I just want him not to suffer anymore! They just upped his meds and I'm to give it to him every 3-4 hours but if he needs it sooner I'm to give it to him. It's just so hard.
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Absolutely, give it to him when he needs it. He cannot recover and be young and healthy again, but he can be out of pain. This is end of life. It's hard, but it will end in the right time. For my mother, it lasted about 24 hours when it became really 'end'. For my BIL, it was about the same. For my dear MIL, it was about 3 days. Keep his mouth wiped with something wet, not to drink. Love and courage to you.
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Courtney; Just big (((hugs)))).

So, the cancer has metastasized (spread, in normal people talk) to his brain, which is why he's not making sense. Yes, he needs meds WHEN he needs them.

Do you have a 24 hour number you can call if this becomes unbearable? Does he perhaps need to be in a care facility so that you can go back to being the loving granddaughter that you clearly are, and not the hands on caregiver?
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We have talked bout it and the hospice is going to look into it cuz he doesn't have money and either do we to pay
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Do not forget the Ativan, or is that fentnal? Don't know my drugs too well. It helps the brain to relax too. Do not be afraid to call Hospice. It sounds like they are on board, and most will go to you.

Hospice usually will talk with you on phone too. Hospice is not only for grandpa, but for you as well.. So, if you need to talk, then call them. Talking sometimes helps.

Hang in there, you are doing the best you can. I am sorry grandpa is suffering, and I am sorry you are too. It hurts, and it hurts.
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My mom lasted 4 days after she completely stopped eating and drinking. It is not easy to watch. But at this point, dont try to force them to drink or eat. It just prolongs the suffering.
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That's what the nurse told me unless he asks for it cuz he kinda chokes on water. They did come today and he will stop breathing for a few seconds and start breathing again. Which is hard to watch! His blood pressure and heart rate are still good.
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Op, I am so sorry you are going through this. You have a good heart. Have you talked to anyone about hospice care for end of life.

Again you have a good heart. You don't want your loved one to pass in pain nor fear. But the end comes for all of us.

Take care of yourself. Peace to you and yours.
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((((((courtney)))))) This is so hard. For some it is slower, for some faster. The stop-start breathing is an indication the end is approaching. My father did this for 3 days, but it may not be that long, You are doing all you can to make him comfortable. Bless you for being there for him.
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I am so sorry, Courtney. I can't imagine your grandfather and you are going through. Others above have given you good information. I don't have much to offer, but check with hospice for a counselor who can help you and your husband and children.

Your grandfather is being well cared for, make sure you take care of you, husband, and your children. You're all suffering too and need support.

{hug} to you all. May your grandfather find peace and relief soon.
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Courtney, in your original post, you asked how long this could last. Forgive me if this is premature and may upset you: Golden23's response above reminded me when Mom was dying. I put her oximeter on her finger and would watch that little gizmo. Mentally stepping away from the emotions of what was happening, but on a strictly scientific aspect, it showed Mom's heart rate but also the strength of the beat. It showed her oxygen level. Through those many hours, I could see the difference in her heart function and breathing and knew it was her final night.

That oximeter helped me focus on the technicality of the body's functions and gave my heart a break from what was happening.
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Hes in the active stage of passing just in the last 24 hours is blood pressure is 48 over 32 his heart rate is 148 he has a temp of 103. Hes have breathing apnea and I have heard the death rattle. The nurse said it could be hours or it could 48 hours but it's not going to be long. 😭
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I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish I could hug you through the internet.

He will soon pass, and he will be at peace. You will grieve, but know this- you helped your grandpa do exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to be able to die at home with your help and family around him. You are a wonderful person to do all this for your grandpa.

Please be gentle with yourself.
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Oh courtney, hugs to you and your family.

The cycle of life is never easy, but can be a beautiful time. Your children can learn a great deal of compassion and empathy from this.
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Courtney, a lot of us have been where you are. Lean on us. We're all there with you.
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Very sorry you’re going through this, also very glad you have hospice there helping. Wishing you peace and pockets of rest as you walk through it. I’m sure your grandpa knows your love
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I am so sorry for your loss. Are your children prepared and have said goodbye? They might not need to be in the house while he passes - if there is any concern there, see if a friend can keep them out of the house during waking hours. You are doing the right thing. You are a saint to have worked through this ending and I know you have gone above and beyond the call of duty!
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Hey has pasted he waited for my daughter to say her goodbyes and he went shortly after
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I'm so sorry for your loss. He is now at peace. ((((((Hugs))))))
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((((((hugs)))))) Courtney. So sorry for your loss..They often wait for someone, I am glad his suffering is over. Time to look after you now,
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((((((Hugs))))))) Courtney.
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I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your family. Hospice has after care counseling for those left behind and it's very good.
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Courtney, I'm so sorry for your great loss. May sweet memories of your grandfather and the knowledge that you cared for him and escorted him through his final stage bring you peace.
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So sorry for your loss. My Mom did the same thing. Passed 20 min after her grandson's visit. Last family member to say good bye.
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i am sorry for your loss Courtney. He was blessed to you.
Hugs
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