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My grandpa was diagnosed with terminal cancer in November 2018 he didn't want to do any treatment and he wanted to come home to die so I quit my job and me my husband and our 5 kids moved in with him. I'm his POA so everything is all on me now. He was doing great when he got home but the last 3 weeks we have seen I'm get much worse. He has been not in his right mind he has hallucinations and they have become violent. He says he doesn't want to suffer no more and its breaking my heart! He wasn't really eating before and he's lost a lot of weight and no he's not eating or really drinking. He's starting to retain water in his feet. He's on larzpam morphine and fentnal patches. If anyone has gone though this how long did they last, did they suffer???

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Courtney, in your original post, you asked how long this could last. Forgive me if this is premature and may upset you: Golden23's response above reminded me when Mom was dying. I put her oximeter on her finger and would watch that little gizmo. Mentally stepping away from the emotions of what was happening, but on a strictly scientific aspect, it showed Mom's heart rate but also the strength of the beat. It showed her oxygen level. Through those many hours, I could see the difference in her heart function and breathing and knew it was her final night.

That oximeter helped me focus on the technicality of the body's functions and gave my heart a break from what was happening.
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Reply to MountainMoose
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I have seen people hold on for a year and I have seen people go in a few days. There is no one size fits all answer! Sorry!


May I just say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this.


Hugs!!
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Reply to Shell38314
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Courtney; Just big (((hugs)))).

So, the cancer has metastasized (spread, in normal people talk) to his brain, which is why he's not making sense. Yes, he needs meds WHEN he needs them.

Do you have a 24 hour number you can call if this becomes unbearable? Does he perhaps need to be in a care facility so that you can go back to being the loving granddaughter that you clearly are, and not the hands on caregiver?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Courtneybricker Mar 29, 2019
We have talked bout it and the hospice is going to look into it cuz he doesn't have money and either do we to pay
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Hes in the active stage of passing just in the last 24 hours is blood pressure is 48 over 32 his heart rate is 148 he has a temp of 103. Hes have breathing apnea and I have heard the death rattle. The nurse said it could be hours or it could 48 hours but it's not going to be long. 😭
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ExhaustedPiper Mar 30, 2019
I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish I could hug you through the internet.

He will soon pass, and he will be at peace. You will grieve, but know this- you helped your grandpa do exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to be able to die at home with your help and family around him. You are a wonderful person to do all this for your grandpa.

Please be gentle with yourself.
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Hey has pasted he waited for my daughter to say her goodbyes and he went shortly after
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Reply to Courtneybricker
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If you need information about Hospice services in Illinois:

http://www.nationalhospicelocator.com/hospices/illinois

If you already have hospice services, you need to talk to the nurse and/or social worker about the severity of his mental decline; they need to treat that!

((((hugs)))))
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Hi Courtney
Hugs to you. Please call hospice. Tell them you need help.
I’m so sorry.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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My mom lasted 4 days after she completely stopped eating and drinking. It is not easy to watch. But at this point, dont try to force them to drink or eat. It just prolongs the suffering.
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Reply to Chergal
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Courtneybricker Mar 29, 2019
That's what the nurse told me unless he asks for it cuz he kinda chokes on water. They did come today and he will stop breathing for a few seconds and start breathing again. Which is hard to watch! His blood pressure and heart rate are still good.
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Op, I am so sorry you are going through this. You have a good heart. Have you talked to anyone about hospice care for end of life.

Again you have a good heart. You don't want your loved one to pass in pain nor fear. But the end comes for all of us.

Take care of yourself. Peace to you and yours.
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Reply to Segoline
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((((((courtney)))))) This is so hard. For some it is slower, for some faster. The stop-start breathing is an indication the end is approaching. My father did this for 3 days, but it may not be that long, You are doing all you can to make him comfortable. Bless you for being there for him.
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